This is one of the best experiences I've had on WDC. This is a great learning tool for me. I hope you will have more of this type of exercises, I like overview materials and this list of questions will be very helpful for me when writing a story. I will use it to help remember the Story elements that I need to include in the story. I think it will help me when developing a plot.Thanks a lot!
This is a great idea. I look forward to reading words of wisdom. They are often inspirational. Writing is such a difficult and painful struggle that those of us who are wicked enough to keep getting up everytime a heavy load of miss spelled words or crooked sentences get us down inspiration can lift us up.comes.
Thanks this is helpful because I didn't understand that the titles book, novel short stories can be those types of writing, but can also serve simply places to story collections of similar writing.
I like this poem because of the clear direct statements about what the writer and many thinking people see has happened to our earth. The poem connects me with that period in history when we first began to understand that we were causing a level of destruction that we may not recover from. The image of T-Rex invites me to remember that we don't want to follow in the footsteps of the T-Rex and that it is as possible for us to self-destruct as it was for those giant animals. In a sense the poem is a payer that can connect us with the spirit of Roosevelt's love of the nature we must save.
Pita,
Thanks for this poem. It reminds me of what poetry is all about: a sharing of the depth of experience. Your images are stark and express the bare bones of truth. Only someone who has known generations of hunger would notice the beauty in curled orange rinds. Are there pine trees in Africa? And a lidless African sun has to be the hottest sun in the world without even clouds to temper the heat. And "to dream of sleep when sleep is prayer. Those of us who have suffered with ongoing nightmares throughout our long lives understand the prayerful meditative possibilities of a good nights sleep.I wish I could write a poem like this one. I am moved and inspired. Thank you. If you can't find me on WSD, you can find me here (jmoorey@comcast.net)
Hi, I like your story. I experienced a range of emotions as I read. Anger towards the bully, especially the store scene: A few tears about his welfare experiences, and when Tommy walked away from Jimmy. You captured the generational poverty well, and how people can become locked into a small town history that follows them through generations.
I have some questions about Tommy's education level and his vocabulary. Some of the word he uses seem to advanced for him: void, commuting, approach, whomever, retreat, generic.Although he reads books,so maybe if you wrote something about the book he's reading that providing the reader with a reason for the level of some of your word choices. Or maybe this is just my stereotypes of small town rural vocabulary. So grain-of-salt- please.
I'm not sure that Jimmy would take Gina's hand at this point in the story.
Mustafa,
Thanks for sharing your bio. I look forward to reading your writing.You have a wealth of writing and travel experiences that I look forward to reading about. Will you be seeking reviews for chapters of your book on WDC?
Yes, I see where your coming from, and as a new poetry class student, I'm glad I read this. You are saying that poets/ good poets are perfectionist and rightly so, because they always feel thay can make a poem better. That they never feel that they created a poem that conveys exactly the meaning / and or experiences that they wanted to create. Furthermore, poetry is not an exact science, so a poem almost never makes the exact mark the poet intends.
This is an amazing piece of thinking / writing/ educating / history and policy statement. Except for the part about signing up all people on welfare for work program (Clinton's reform) I agree with all of it. I know that reviews are not about agreement or not agreement, but, .....
The statement about the present Washington politicians could be on the verge of creating a "philosophical Civil War, if not another physical one." is very powerful. Philosophical civil war hits the mark, because the term covers all the different categories that are being argued about, including religious differences. Any reader who seeks some refreshing insight into some things we can do to create a more workable political climate would be rewarded by reading this essay.
I'm not sure what you want in terms of a review. I know a little about this history. The article is so well written that I have to stretch a point to have something to write: There are a couple of very small things I could point out. I would like to have more of a definition or description of what you mean by modernity earlier in the article than the 12th paragraph. This is clearly a newspaper article or blog post and your regular readers may have a clearer picture of what 'you' mean by modernity than I. I wasn't sure if you meant the modern period (Colonial) rather than the postmodern period. Paragraph 4 second sentence, you wrote '"I almost dazed" instead of I was almost dazed or I felt dazed. Same paragraph "overflowing mosque buildings, instead of overflowing mosque or overflowing buildings. I love history and this added to my knowledge. Thank you,
Jackie
Interesting scenarios. I like the l subtle blame-shifting statements the perpetrators make in each scenario. Impressive dialogue. With very little description I see each scene and the characters clearly. I enjoyed reading this and I learned something about disingenuous (I couldn't spell the shorter word) people.
This is amazing piece of writing. But not as amazing as your experiences with what must have been a frightening illness. I have Ms and my first born son was struck down by a brain aneurism at age 16 which he didn't fully recover, so I know something about debilitating illnesses. I am happy you recovered as well as you did.
You write clearly about your experiences. I like that you used some funny antidotes to allow the reader a respite from such a dramatic reading of truth experiences that most people don't know happens to teens. You are a thoughtful writer, writing about something that must be as overwhelming to write as it is to read.
Your piece is well organized, clear and brings all the parts of your experiences together that makes it easy to read. Thank you for sharing.
Your father sounds like he was a giant of a man. I hope you give him lots of space in your book. He must have really loved you. You did a wonderful job showing the process that some conservative Christians use to misinterpret the Christian Bible to justify their own hateful beliefs
Your father sounds like he was a giant of a man. I hope you give him a lot of space in your book. You did a great job showing the process that maney conservative Christians use to distort biblical test to justify their hateful feelings towards people who have different beliefs and lifestyles than them. As an African American Lesbian, whose family is full of pentecostal preachers, I'm aware of the many ways that people use biblical text to justify their hate towards both Black people and TBGL people. I've often felt lucky not to have been raised in the church so that I didn't have to feel the double sting of feeling that I was doing the unchristian thing by being a Lesbian. I wonder if your father's acceptance of you helped you think clearly about how to go about your life using clear thinking to plan the way you would live your life and come out when it best worked for you and your children. I know lots of men and women, who, because they didn't experience any acceptance, made a mess of their lives by drug and alcohol addition and other attention seeking behaviors, as they tried to feel like they were worthy. I'm happy that you found love and I believe that your goal of providing a book that will help other people who struggle about coming out, will be met. Although, I think that all the political work that many of us have done over the years to create a more accepting society makes it easier go come out.
This is interesting because it's images and pacing reads like 'a moment in time.' The depth of the poem is in it's insight about nature continuously changing and the nature of human experience: memories filtered by the mind, change is a miracle of life, and never ending adaptations After I first read the poem, I wondered what the world would be like today if more of us really understood that our bodies and nature are linked together in ways that most of us are too busy or too uninformed to recognize? Your poem sparked that thought in me. I'm sorry that I don't yet know enough about poetic form to speak to that aspect of the poem. But, for m,e when a poem causes me to feel and think about the higher aspects of life, its a great piece of writing.
Thanks for writing it.
Jackie
At first I love the poem. I love the magic images of 'diamonds and rubies that "wink...with electric eyes."
And then I shift to both liking and disliking the poem, for the same reason: It reminds me of my own loneliness. A loneliness that in the speakers experience seems temporary, in that the speaker knows that the love one is "warm and cozy," in your bed. Also a good use of a cliche "worm and cozy."
That the writer carries me through the process of happiness to pain to the dimming lights that are no longer welcoming, To the anguish of "black to blackness'" and the memory of a deep loneliness. What makes the poem effective for me is that I experience both the speakers joy about the loved one, than the speakers loneliness and my own loneliness.
Thank you for this poem. It provided a a bit of healing for me in that i am reminded that I recently lost my partner of twenty-eight years to cancer and, the poem got hold of me and forced me to recognize the loneliness that I try to ignore as often as possible, because its too painful. A good poem can do that to me. Thanks.
I love your story. It shows a happy family and although the girls compete for their fathers affection, they all love each other. And their father is a surprise in that Darla is often afraid of his anger, he seems to use it to keep his kids a little off center, but hes not as much an angry person as Darla seems to believe. There is one place where a word is missing (I think). " She had left his straw on the back seat of the car and wanted to fast." Did you mean, "wanted to get it fast, or wanted to run fast, or?"
I wish that you would show more of the story instead to describing so much. What I mean is that I would like to have 'seen' the scene when the girls entered the house and the father was sitting in front of the television. He is the important character in the story and I would have liked to have a good look at him and hear his voice. I hope this is helpful, and yes, I am proud of you for writing something new. Thanks for sharing.
Hi JTD,
I Love your story. You may be a Newbie on his website but you don't write like a newbie. James Baldwin is my favorite short story writer (as well as everything else he writes), especially his short story "Sunny's Blues'. And your story is heading up there with his. The story flows smoothly and is a fun, easy read. Perhaps this is true for me because I relate to all of your references: Jazz, dancing, work, (1930's & 1940's dances) and of course romance. I am especially impressed by your sensitivity to women ( for example, what the characters father taught him about carrying two handkerchiefs and and also, when dancing with a woman the character chooses to "test your new dance partner at first, advancing till you finally find her level.") Your sensitivity to women will get you a lot of women readers. (If you are in fact a male writer --Joke). And this also shows that the character does really, not just love, and respect, but 'like' women. I also appreciate the way you showed a male way of reacting to a woman he attracted to; the sense nervousness, unsure of what to do, or how to approach her, recognizing that there is something different about his reaction to this woman. JTD, I have a lot more that I want to write, but one of my students will be knocking on my door any minute. I'm sending this to you because I don't know how to save it to finish it later. I look forward to reading more of your work
RedButterfly
Hi Dorianne,
I liked your red shoe poem so much that I decided to read your next one. I like it too. I also like it that your a teacher because I recently (4 years ago) retired from teaching also. What is an "etheree?" I don't expect gift points for my meager few words. I don't know enough about poetry yet to give you a good review. I can say that I understand the poem and its an experience I've had. I see the images you've created with your words. If there is some specific feedback you want please let me know.
Jackie
Hi Dorianne,
Thanks for sharing this poem. I could see you wobbling on high red heels like a baby's taking her first steps. The poem brought back memories of my own early tries of walking in heels. I happen to love the color red and I love high heels. Your poem is also an inspiration and you taught me something about writing a poem. That a poet can use common daily experiences to tell us about the joys of life. I'll try my hand at writing a septet about high heels. 3
Hi, I'm Jackie
This is more feedback than a review. I had a bout with cancer a few years ago.I'm not going to share my story as much as I want to offer you whatever encouragement I can. I too decided during the chemo treatment that no matter what, I wont take that stuff again. In some ways it was similar to the two times I found myself in the delivery room yelling at my husband about not wanting to have another child and go through all that pain ever again, and why in the heck men don't have the babies!!! My poor husband felt helpless up against my raving.
It's been ten years since the chemo and I still don't think I will take it again, no matter what. The one bit of comfort I can offer is that most of the side-effects of chemo went away shortly after my treatment ended. I'm sorry you don't do blood transfusions because they gave me respite from the chemo side affects.
I have a number of chronic medical problems that cause me high levels of physical pain. I relate to your experience of taking out your bad moods on the people you love. I learned the hard way that when a person is experiencing high levels of physical pain, all of their emotional and physical energy is used up trying to cope with the pain. Physical pain can drain us of even our spiritual energy. Once I understood the complex experience of physical pain I was able to stop feeling guilty about my exhaustion and most of all about my bad moods.
Vivian, I'm writing this, not so much as a review of this piece of writing, but as someone who recognizes the kind of teacher and poet that speaks to my learning style. I truly appreciate the way you organized this piece. I decided yesterday that I'm going to take poetry writing seriously and yesterday I lucked up on the poet Marvin Bell who helped me to understanding concrete images in a way that I'd not understood before. And today I read your instructions and examples of "traditional" poetry and I am truly grateful for the many examples for each of the poetic devices you showed so clearly. I assume the poems are yours and I love each of them, made more vivid by the fact that they are examples of the various devices. I am a teacher myself and I know from experience the years it takes for someone to be able to organize a body of theories and examples together even when its your field of expertise. I have become a fan and I will read all of your other posts on this cite,
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/whitebutterfly
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 6:29am on Apr 24, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
