Hello Countrymom! Just dropping in for a review of your poem "Someone Who Cares"!
Initial Reaction:An interesting poem of hope.
What I liked: The message. The confirming message that when all is lost there is still "someone who DOES care". My favorite line was the very last line "He offers a place up in Heaven and gives eternal sleep."
Title: Fitting
Language: Your word choice was thoughtful. You did a good job with spicing things up and ending lines with verbs.
Rhyme: Nice use of ending slant rhymes throughout.
Imagery: You used vivid word pictures to show the woman's life and situation.
Rhythm/Flow: The sense of movement was consistent throughout your piece.
Tone/Style: Although this is a sad subject you offered light and a change in the end.
Suggestions: WRITE ON ! Thank you for sharing your piece. I enjoyed reading it. Perhaps some strategically placed punctuation would break up the lines? It works well as it is but adding some punctuation may make for interesting pauses.
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello tHINg! Just dropping in for a review of your introduction!
Initial Reaction: Wow! Thank you for sharing your information! I always like hearing about other writers or readers on the site. I'm curious about your trip to Ireland! I have always wanted to travel there.
What I liked: I like your philosophy on how to treat others!
Suggestions:None! This is you ! Thanks again for sharing a bit about yourself! Keep reading and writing! And give your bassett a squeeze for me! She's adorable! I LOVE dogs!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Shine! Just dropping in for a review of your prose titled "Within the Man"!
Initial Reaction:Interesting! I would agree that many people can put on a front and portray what they want the outside world to see when within there is a whole different story going on.
What I liked:
Title: Fitting to the content
Imagery: Nice
Flow:Even. You have a nice start for a possible story. Not sure if your intent is to flesh out this character or perhaps place into a poem.
Suggestions: I stumbled on the sentence "How is the man within to be free if he himself is unknown?" perhaps rewritten could say "It is unknown how the man within is to be free/freed." Thank you for the read!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello JR! Just dropping in for a review of your poem titled "Circles"!
Initial Reaction:Very circular ! It got me thinking! It made me ponder if this was with regard to relationships or religion or even inner turmoil or questioning.
What I liked: I liked that the words kept me wondering after the poem was complete. My favorite stanza was the third.
Title: Fitting name
Imagery: Vivid
Flow: Even.
Suggestions:No grammatical errors. I liked it as written but to lend just one suggestion, perhaps utilizing one or two different wordings for circle would lend to further depth? Thanks so much for the read!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Moriarty! Just dropping in for a review of your crossword "Gemstone Boutique"!
Initial Reaction:Nice job! You completed this challenge as directed.
What I liked: All of the clues related to PDG. You incorporated very clever clues. I truly believe you did a nice job here! If you enjoy doing these, I think you should do more!!
Suggestions: I noticed only one spelling error: 18 Down "campfire" I believe is what you were looking for.
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello EEG! Just dropping in for a review of your poem "Ode to Saturday Mornings"]!
Initial Reaction: Love it! Your poem reflects that comfort I feel on that special day (Saturday).
What I liked: "Bird songs start to chime" a different spin on birds chirping.
Title: Fitting to the detail reflected within body of poem.
Imagery: Nice. As mentioned above I almost felt like I was still in my bed! Thankfully, tomorrow is Friday and I will get to experience a Saturday morn soon!
Flow: Even, bar one suggestion mentioned below.
Suggestions: No grammatical error detected. I struggled just a bit with the last line. I was looking for another syllable or two. But did not detract much. Thanks for the nice read!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Hyper! Just dropping in for a review of your short story "An Inquiring Mind"!
Initial Reaction:Oh gosh! Can I relate. I think anyone who has had a young inquiring child can relate!
What I liked:You did a nice job with dialogue. We really get to know a bit about each character and even their relationship in your writing.
The sentance "Bobby had a lot of – creative energy; especially when left alone" tells a lot about Bobby in minimal words. Great job!
Title: Fitting
Imagery: Excellent! I was able to see the mess of the room easily.
Suggestions:No grammatical errors detected. Thanks for the smile at the end!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Fox ! Just dropping in for a review of your poem titled "The Rabbit".
Initial Reaction:Nice piece!
What I liked: The idea that this poem could actually be talking about...you! Fox...rabbit! Interesting. Perhaps I am way off. Your last two lines are great "And thus a song of prey and beast, The prey who live shall live the least." I like how you compared a song to the interaction between prey and predator.
Title: Very fitting
Imagery: Detailed enough to have visual throughout the whole piece
Flow: Even
Suggestions: The poem left me wondering who or what the predator was. I was only guessing above. Not that that detracts at all. I was only left pondering. Thank you for the nice read!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Jim! Just dropping in for a review of your poem "The little boy and his horn"!
Initial Reaction: Gave me a chuckle! A twist on the traditional limerick! Nice!
What I liked:The full story your poem tells over time.
Title:Fitting
Imagery:Able to easily follow the passages
Flow: I struggled a little bit with the flow at times (second line) but not enough to detract me from the whole piece.
Suggestions:No grammatical errors. I enjoyed the piece. Thank you for the smile.
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Emy! Just dropping in for a review of your poem titled " A Rosetta Stone for Parents of Teens"!
Initial Reaction:Wow! I can relate, I have a 16 year old son!
What I liked: Your words speak of a truth in teens. The last sentence is simple instruction and truth.
Title: Very Fitting
Imagery:Excellent, bringing in many aspects of the face
Tone: Good
Flow:Even
Suggestions: None. I would almost like to hear more? I even had to go out and find out for sure what a Rosetta stone was. Thank you for assisting me in my learning this evening! Your poem also brings in an element of a teen asking for a parent to really look into their soul and try to understand them. NICE JOB!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Imaginative ! Just dropping in for a review of your poem "My Room"!
Initial Reaction:I could certainly relate. When I was in middle school through high-school I spent much time in my room and agree with the thoughts you have here.
What I liked: I like the detail you put into that which is your room. I can tell it is a safe place and it takes me back.
Title: Very fitting
Imagery: Good detail
Tone: Nice
Flow: A bit hard to read in how it was laid out on the page.
Suggestions: I would suggest layout as below to make it easier to read but everyone is different. I did notice some punctuation questions( comma's at the ends of sentences and one spelling item - last line bu. I believe you wanted by?
There is a place I go when the world doesn't treat me right,
There is a place I dwell, love, and like,
A place that can cause me no harm,
No agitation, frustration, and certainly no alarm.
Just me, myself, where I belong.
In my own little world where I can't be wrong.
My little sanctuary I go and dwell,
When life becomes a living hell
I tell my secrets just as it is,
No work, no judgement, no hard quiz,
A special place that is all me,
I'm there everyday it's clear to see.
As you get a small hint of my place,
I'll end this poem by resting my case.
Thanks so much!! Nice job!!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Paper! Just dropping in for a review of your poem titled "Night Out"!
Initial Reaction: Interesting! I have oft' thought of pulling together my own poem of a night out in the past.
What I liked: The similarity between the 1st stanza and the last. Similar but different. The poem got me thinking. Wondering who or what "you" actually is.
Title: Puts focus on what we should be thinking when reading the body of the poem
Imagery: Good
Flow: Even, easy to read
Suggestions: As mentioned above I had some confusion as to what the banner was. Was there an embarrassing moment within the night out? Does this happen often that people know she/he is coming (i.e. the banner, the person is tagged)? Your prose certainly had me thinking! Thank you! I like those types of poems!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello Wookibus! Just dropping in for a review of your poem The Gift!
Initial Reaction:Nice! The imagery you form with the wording is great.
What I liked:I specifically like the 1st two lines The paint touches the parchment,Like two lover’s lips,
Title: Very fitting as anyone that has talent and shares, incorporates a true gift
Imagery: Excellent was able to follow with ease
Tone: Nice
Flow: Even
Suggestions: I struggled at times with the comas at the end of each sentence. I wondered it each one needed to be placed? Although I thoroughly enjoyed the full piece. Thank you for the smile!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Hello! Just dropping in for a review of your poem titled Everyday Heros!
Initial Reaction:Wow! It is so true that often in our own lives we overlook those heros so near and dear to us!
What I liked:The examples of the every day heros we overlook. It's humbling and thought provoking.
Title: Most fitting
Imagery: Well done
Suggestions:I do not know a whole lot about the ins and outs of poetry. I can only say that my interest was piqued throughout your poem and it kept me wanting to continue....no additional suggestions. Very well done!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
Initial Reaction: Wow! For a first time this is great!
What I liked: Very nice imagery
Title: Fitting to text/body
Imagery: Nice, love the wording!
Suggestions: Nice Job RIP! Got your email, I see that we are buddies! Look forward to writing with ya! Will email soon! Trying to get a handle on the "newbie assignments" that need to be done!
Best of luck! ~ WRITE ON !
WistyOne
Disclaimer: An outside looking in review. Open, honest and my humble opinion.
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Initial Reaction: Interesting view regarding unconditional love.
What I liked: The repetition of sometimes within the final stanza
Suggestions: WRITE ON !
! It got me thinking! It made me ponder if this was with regard to relationships or religion or even inner turmoil or questioning.