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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zandstrafarms
Review Requests: OFF
5 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I focus mostly on content, dialogue, and visuals. I want to read like I can experience it.
I'm good at...
proof-reading and revising
Favorite Genres
fantasy, realistic fiction, YA, memoir, etc.
Least Favorite Genres
general non-fiction, poetry, erotica, historical, vampire
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Suzanne Swift
Rated: E | (3.0)
To start, I'm not a poetry fan. However, this was interesting subject matter and caught my eye. The idea is fabulous . . . a kid sitting in a cathedral. Now again, I'm no expert in poetry so I haven't a clue if it's real or symbolic!

With that said, it does need to be cleaned up a bit. The two longer lines don't fit the flow (or maybe it's called meter?)

It may be helpful to look up a few forms of poetry online and the guidelines on how they are written, then try to form your poem into one of those molds. Unless of course it already is, in which case please state at the beginning so us non-poetry readers understand ;)
2
2
Review by Suzanne Swift
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
First off, I gave it 4 stars. 5 stars for me would be top-of-the-line, glued to my seat stuff . . . the kind you find only once in a while. 4 stars is very well written, good dialogue, excellent descriptions and use of words, keeps me mostly engaged.

For me personally, I prefer a conflict within the first page. I don't have ANY time in the day to read, so if I AM reading something, it's got to grab me with a reason why I want to continue reading as soon as possible or I'll set it down and never pick it up again (I never finished reading Harry Potter book 1 as I found it quite dull).

I do have a few curious questions: Your synopsis implies that the guy is an alien . . . is this also something that you would state on the book synopsis back cover were it published? Or are you stating that just for this site? I was just curious if I knew something at the start that the general public wouldn't know ;)

I found myself completely identifying with the girl, both having lived in Vegas 4 years and being the "woe is me, everything crappy always happens to me!" type of person who WOULD ball up and cry (I did even last night when my 3 yr old bashed me in the head accidentally).

With that said, I WOULD caution you about the government buildings idea. As someone who's lived there, both on and off Nellis AFB with a husband retaining one of the highest security clearances possible and doing nothing at all that he could tell me about with his job, I don't know of ANY government buildings OFF base. Base has some of the highest security around.

Now it's possible that maybe NOW they DO (it's been a few years since I've left). But I'm simply adding this as it's always good to make every reader feel like the story COULD be real. Obviously it was enough of a distraction in my own mind, and as large as a city as Las Vegas is, it could affect others too.

Other than that, the story flows smoothly and stays focused. It definitely has some good book potential!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/zandstrafarms