Very expressive, . Maybe if you change the 7th stanza too: As he walks away from me without a word. Seems to sound better to me. I usually don't like to put my strokes on someone else painting. I will give you a 5 rating, it is good.Others may bring you down. You are the artist and it's your painting, and as they say it is all in the eye of the beholder, and I feel you have captured the forsaken, loneliness of the grave. As for myself I wrote a poem called "Remains", which expresses a freedom from confinement. I still see a sadness in your writing, which is just fine, keep up the good work.
You express yourself well, such mature thoughts for a young person. Life is an adventure, go for it. Learn all you can, with your gift of emotional expression you can go far. Wish you the best.
I feel and share your thoughts, they are what my political writings are about. It's infuriating to listen and experience the propaganda of the gluttonous. To quote "Mans inhumanity to man". Your eyes are open, continue on.
Close to something I wrote. Know the feeling well. Your poem hit home with me. I'm not really a writer,
but there are topics I feel need to be discussed,This site allows me to get it out, wish I had more exposure and opinions as to what I have to say. To much criticism on my literary errors. I don't look for errors when I review I look for the meaning. It's an editors job to correct if you are looking to publish. Your poem is short but deep. Try listening to emotional music and let your imagination take over. (Hopefully you pick something that pleases the Muses). Good Luck
I think this would make a great sci-fi book and movie. Eliminate it as a letter and direct to reader, embellish the power of controlling forces. The control you list may not be far from the truth. I'd like to see the ending as the protagonist surviving saving the world from power dominance, a new world order lead by the people for the people. I don't like to put paint strokes on others paintings, but I think you have a good story there, with more thought and work you may have a good book. Good luck.
True, that's why we have to view world situations, to understand what's going on. The media is bought, some programs I find that are informative, Bill Maher, (my hero), the stock programs are a tell tale, I don't fool with it but money rules, these are some pieces of the puzzle. Good luck
The president is temporary, there are controlling factors, and they need a patsy. Suggestion: Google, click on video, type in "From Freedom to Fascism", see who's ruling, and or read my poem "Keeper Of The Treasury". I will be keeping up with your views. I'm not a writer, but I have thoughts and ideas I cannot keep to myself. Good luck
excellent, my type of poetry. Now how do we slap these words in the faces of the culprits. People are waking up, I'm sure your reviews will all be good. I've noticed lots of viewers that don't rate, I wonder if it's the fear of getting involved.
Your poem is good and from the heart. I see a flow of expression whether it rhymes or not as poetry. The expression of art is in the individuals style. Keep up the good work.
My first impression or Van Gogh's works was turmoil in his strokes, his impressions and emotions definitely came through. There was a calm out there disrupted by his emotions, he could not feel the calm but knew it existed. You can draw a straight line, if looking at it says I'm a straight line, then it becomes art.
Almost lost me in the beginning, too much description, forced myself to go on to see where you were going Story got interesting at 11th paragraph, then everything flowed nicely enjoyed the rest. The psychological reason for wanting young boys was interesting, explore that more, if you bring her to remembering and go back, a whole new scenario. It can be a great story. Keep at it.
Like you I believe in euthanasia, I've lived long enough to aide in the end of pets old painful lives. My mother who had an end she would not of approved of given the choice she would have been euthanized as I would want to be. As far as Dr. Kevorkian is concerned. if he was all that was available I would have him. Yes, I saw the same in his works and made me think, was he really concerned for the individual or was it exciting to kill, I go with the later.I myself would not want the responsibility, but I know love can make decisions for us. We need to have this choice.
We are two in one, a physical and a spiritual being. The physical needs physical, intellectual and spiritual food, the spiritual is who we are and needs to be recognized in our physical being. I understand what you are saying. Some people think this is too deep, but it's who and what we are.
Enjoyable reading, beginning, middle and end flowed into each other. Like the questionable thoughts (had a humorous air), something we all do. After questioning others we then compare and question ourselves, usually conclude what we do is best for us. In my opinion 'Good work'.
You express your anger, shows you're paying attention to world situations. Too many people don't want to get into it and are blind to what's happening to the world. I've written an article called "Family Values" somewhere between 1987 and 1995 and other politcal items that might interest you. Keep up the good work.
This review would only be a repeat of my review of your last story "Broken Dreams". Very tender, felt the emotions of the event and character. When reading someone's work and seeing the scenes in your mind, then you know the work is well written. Keep up the good work.
This is well done, grabbed me in the beginning. I could see this as a movie, or good t.v. story. You should submit it. It's suspenseful, good plot, made me anxious reading it, and held my interest. Looking at your work, it seems your could make a living writing for t.v. Good Luck!
Too much dialog, reader can lose interest, needs to capture the reader's curiosity in the beginning, maybe this should be somewhere between the beginning and the end? GREAT dialog for a script. You're verbal usage is excellent. Hopefully you will take this as constructive criticism, Usually when something needs work it gets a 3.5 or less rating, I see it as a 4.5 knowing you are working on it. You do have talent.
The third paragraph up you spelled figgered instead of figured,(I guess by that time it was the alcohol talking).
The overall story tells of petty annoyances when our quiet lone time is interrupted. A shared moment in life well expressed. Good Luck!
Lesson learned, someone should have instilled in you not to follow the money but do what you love, the reward will follow. I assume you taught, there most be a reward in that. There were no failures, you eliminated processes that don't work;those that follow you,will benefit from your efforts. Write teaching material as to not what to do. Good Luck.
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