Lookin Deeper Pt2

Jarod forced himself to take slow shallow breaths. He did not want to freak this woman out, and he had a feeling that it wouldn’t take that much to do so. Certainly his accelerated heart rate and deep breathing wasn’t going to help with that.
Even if the woman had shown that she had a sense of humor and was resigned to the situation, he had an instinctive feeling that she was not comfortable with him beside her. But maybe he was projecting his conflicted emotions onto her.
God, he’d thought he was going to have a heart attack when she’d turned to look at him. For a minute he’d thought he was seeing a ghost. Not even for a minute. A second maybe. Before he’d clicked back into reality again.
It was uncanny, Jarod thought, as he stole another surreptitious look at the woman. No. It definitely wasn’t Jennifer. This woman was probably just nearing thirty, and Jennifer would have been closer to forty. But they had to be related. They were so alike. Gorgeous wavy, chestnut colored hair, intensely green eyes. Porcelain skin that looked like a fairy should own it.
The woman moved self-consciously, and Jarod realized that she must be aware of his scrutiny. Jarod sighed silently. It was going to be a long flight, but he had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be torturous as he’d thought. He felt the woman shift in her seat again. Not for him anyway.

Louisa tried to move slightly in her seat. Oh dear. This was going to be a long flight. Maybe she should have bought those sleeping pills after all. At this rate she wasn’t going to get any sleep at all.
He wasn’t crowding her exactly. He wasn’t a giant really. Just really big, compared to her. But somehow he made her feel crowded. And why was he looking at her?
Maybe she was imagining it, because she was so conscious of him, but she could have sworn that he was as aware of her as she was of him. It was a strange and unsettling feeling.
It wasn’t that men didn’t notice her. They did. Not all the time. But they did. But it didn’t feel like this. This was an intense focus. As if he was aware of every breath she took.
She definitely wasn’t going to be relaxed enough to sleep, but strangely she didn’t feel that tired anymore.


Tracy, the flight attendant, came to check on them before take off.
“Mr Micheals, Ms Elliot. Is everything ok?’ She asked.
“I’m fine.” Jarrod said.
“I’m fine.” Louisa replied at the same time.
The woman gave them a strange look, but smiled, said she’d be back after take off, and left.
So her name was Ms Elliot. Interesting. Ms. Did that mean that she had been married and now wasn’t? Or did it mean that she wasn’t and didn’t want to be. Either way, it seemed unlikely that she was married. No wedding ring either. He’d already noticed that. But then again, not everyone got married these days.
But it meant that Elliot was her maiden name, and Jennifer’s last name had been Prentice. Of course, they could still be related
He wondered how long he should wait before asking her first name, or rather introducing himself, so that she would tell him in return.
It was strange, he usually knew exactly how to act around women, usually knew exactly what to say. But then again, it was usually in a different context. The only time he talked to women other than his grandmother, was for business, or for the sole purpose of seducing her. This situation fell into neither category.
The fact that this woman looked uncannily like Jennifer, the only person who had really cared about him as a child, apart from his grandmother, made him feel even more off balance.


Louisa felt herself beginning to finally relax. Somehow the man had toned down his body vibes or whatever it was that he had been giving off. She didn’t feel quite as self conscious or as conscious of him being there as she had before. Oh, she knew he was there. Very much so. But it wasn’t overbearing anymore.
As she felt herself relaxing, Louisa also felt her interest and curiosity about the man beside her coming to life. She quickly slammed the lid on her thoughts. It was not a good idea. She had only ever felt an attraction like this to one man in her life. And that person had been Mark.
The memories played back in Louisa’s mind like a movie. Except it would never have been made into a movie, because movies always had happy endings, and this one sure hadn’t.
Louisa looked up from her computer screen. “Louisa. Roger asked me to remind you that Mr Vladoff and his party are arriving at six this evening.”
Louisa smiled at the handsome man in front of her. He was her friend. Her good friend. And god, he was divine, she silently thought to herself. But way out of her league. Still one could dream.
“I know, Mark. I’m all ready to meet them at the airport and bring them to “Gestaldis” for dinner.” She said, giving him her usual smile. He had no idea what he did to her heart rate, and she was going to keep it that way.
He smiled back at her. “We’re not at all concerned.” He replied with a wink. “Well, I’m not, anyway. I know you’ll have them eating out of your hands before they arrive at the restaurant.”
Louisa laughed. “I’m not sure about that. But he’ll be happy to be in America, and feeling well looked after.”
“I think you sell yourself short, Louisa.” Mark admonished. “You’re very good at what you do. No one is better at looking after our clients than you are. We know it, even if you don’t.”
Louisa looked at him, somewhat startled by the seriousness in his voice. “I know I’m good at what I do. And I love doing it. But I just thought ‘eating out of my hand’ in one car ride was a bit of a stretch.”
She was even more startled when Mark reached to take her hand. “You had me eating out of you hand after one conversation.” He said quietly.
For a second, Louisa’s breath stopped. Then she remembered that he had a girlfriend, a serous relationship. He was just teasing her.
“Oh, Mark, stop it.” Louisa said, laughing, pushing him away, and moving around the desk to her side. “By the way, I need to know the brand of cigars Mr Vladoff likes…”
That had been the first indication, looking back, that Mark had felt anything but friendship for her. She had disregarded most of the initial signs as her imagination. After all, Mark had been one of the up and coming public relations executives in the company that she worked for. And she was a tool that he needed to get to the top. They were friends, but she had to remember that that was where it ended.
Over the next few weeks, she and Mark had spent a lot of time together. There was a lot of work to do, and they put in a lot of overtime and had lots of work lunches and dinners. It was all very legitimate. None of it was unnecessary. Well, not really anyway. That’s what she’d told herself. But it hadn’t really felt that way. It had felt exciting, and anything but platonic.
Then suddenly, things with Mark and his girlfriend started to go sour, and publicly sour at that. Mark had started telling people that he didn’t think things with him and Alison were going to last. Eventually word of this made its way to Louisa. And as things seemed to get worse with his relationship with Alison, things between Louisa and Mark seemed to get better and better.
Louisa remembered the night when things had changed completely so clearly, it could have happened the day before. Louisa had been really tired and stressed out, and she and Mark had been having a late night preparation session for a group of clients coming in the next day. Louisa had had a killer of a headache, and told Mark so.
“You’ve been working too hard.” Mark had said, standing up and coming to stand in front of her chair.
“Only as hard as you.” She had replied, trying to hide the flutter of excitement she’d just felt out for her voice. There had been a tension in the room all night and she had just seen something in her eyes that she hadn’t seen before.
“I give good massages. Maybe you won’t feel so stressed out if I give you one.” He had said, swiveling her chair away from him.
The massage hadn’t even started out in a friendly way. From the minute he’d touched her, it had felt sensual. Alarm bells should have gone off in her head. And she supposed they had, but she had been enjoying it so much and it wasn’t technically wrong, so she had ignored them.
He’d massaged her for a long time, and then told her to stand up. Without speaking she had done what he’d asked, and the massage had continued down her back. Lower and lower. He had been right. He was very, very good at massages.
When he had reached the small of her back, she had leant forward and grabbed the desk for support, at the same time biting back a moan. She had known that they were on dangerous ground. Very, very dangerous ground. But it had felt so good, and she had told herself that she would stop him in a minute.
She had started to breathe a sigh of relief as he started to move back up her back and she stood up again. That breath had soon rushed out of her mouth when his hands brushed the side of her breasts, and his hands suddenly stopped moving. In the silent stillness, Louisa had heard her own deep breathing, and realized that Mark was breathing just as deeply, if not more so.
Louisa had felt Marks hands move, and she had known that he was going to touch her in a way that could not be pretended was only friendship. She hadn’t wanted to be the other woman, and yet she had wanted him to touch her that way more than anything than she’d ever wanted anything else.
Without even thinking it, from somewhere inside of her, the name had come and was said. “Alison.”
Mark’s hand had stilled, and a second later he had moved completely away from her. Louisa hadn’t been able to look at him, so, she had started to gather the papers that they had been looking at on the desk, into order.
“I think that we’ll be fine tomorrow.” She had said in a calm voice that had totally belied the chaos that had been inside her.
Out of the corner of her eye, she had seen Mark move around the desk to sit down in his chair, but she concentrated on the papers and what she was dong.
“Any problems that come up, we can deal with then.” She had continued, putting the papers in her bag.
“Ok. I’m going to go home.” She had rushed on. “See you tomorrow.” She had thrown over her shoulder as she had practically run out the door.
Mark hadn’t spoken a word the whole time, nor had she looked at him.
The next day Louisa had arrived later than she usually did. She hadn’t been able to sleep and had been nervous about seeing Mark again. She had had no idea what it had meant, nor what effect it might have on their friendship and working relationship.
“Did you hear?” Lillian, one of the office gossips had said, pouncing on Louisa the instant she walked into her office.
“What?” She had asked. The last thing she had needed to hear right then had been office gossip, but Lillian had looked so excited. It had been obvious that she wasn’t going to leave Louisa alone until she had had her say.
“Mark broke it off with Alison last night. He stayed at Mike’s house. Turned up there at nearly two o’clock in the morning with his briefcase, and a sleeping bag.” The woman had said delightedly.
Louisa had felt the world stop spinning in that moment. Mark had ended things with Alison? Last night? She had looked at Lillian who was obviously waiting for a reaction, and she tried to keep any expression off her face.
“That’s sad.” She had said, with what she hoped was neutrality.
“Sad?!” Lillian had exploded. “Mark’s the catch of the century. I never liked that sour-faced Alison.”
Louisa had smiled somewhat disinterestedly, she hoped, and started to unpack her briefcase.
“Well, I’d better go.” Lillian had said, obviously pleased to have relayed the news to one more person. “See you later.”
“Bye.” Louisa had replied, relieved as the woman shut the office door behind her.
As soon as she had disappeared, Louisa had sunk down into her chair. Mark and Alison were over? Because of what had happened the night before? She had asked herself. Things had been bad between them, she had known that, but she hadn’t expected him to end it. It had been too comfortable for him. Or so she had thought.
Later that afternoon, they had had a meeting with their new clients. And the air had felt thick enough to cut with a knife, but they had gotten the job done. Mark had given her a number of meaningful looks, and as she’d gone to leave he had said “Five o’clock, my office” in her ear.
She’d sat in her office for an hour, and done nothing but think. At five o’clock she knocked on his door, and it immediately opened. As soon as she’d walked in, Mark had closed the door and locked it. Louisa had swallowed and taken in a quick deep breath when he hadn’t move back away from the door.
He had looked at her for a second, as if reading her reactions, and then he had kissed her. Louisa had been so startled, she had hardly kissed him back, at first. But then suddenly she had realized what was happening and all of the hope, longing and waiting got a hold of her, and she had kissed him back with all of it.
That had been the start of their secret office romance. Mark had suggested that people would think he and Alison had ended over her. He said that he and Alison had broken up over a lot of things. And that he didn’t want anyone to even suggest that they had been involved before the break up. It had occurred to Louisa that that hadn’t been quite true. Something had been going on. But she had thought it sweet that Mark wanted to protect her.
Louisa had been so in love with Mark that she had found it very hard to keep her feelings a secret, especially as the feelings seemed to grow bigger and stronger everyday, but somehow she had done it.
After time had gone by, and she had started to suggest that they might be able to come clean, Mark had said that he thought people would frown upon them working together if they were in a relationship, and he didn’t want to hurt her career. He had seemed so concerned about her, that Louisa had, of course, agreed with him. She had never thought that Mark might have other reasons for keeping their relationship a secret at work.
Then one day, Caitlin McDonald had walked into their lives. She had been a public relations executive who worked for a competing company. She had been an absolutely stunning woman with success written all over her. She had made it no secret that she wanted Mark, and that she invariably got what she wanted. Whatever it took. And she had gotten what she’d wanted. In fact, it had only taken two months to get him to drop Louisa, and to ask Caitlin to marry him. They were still married, so she’d learnt that morning.
Louisa had never told anyone what had happened. But she was sure that some people had found out. She had been more hurt that she’d imagined she could be. So hurt that she had almost been unable to function. But some how she had done her job, and somehow she had escaped with her good reputation. The day Mark had announced his engagement, she had given in her notice. Two months later she had moved to London. She had had lots of overseas contacts, and she had gone to work for Gustov Vladoff, the client that Mark had once said she’d have eating out of her hands. They had instantly liked each other and kept in touch. When she had told him of her need for a change, he had offered her a year long contract that would let her travel as much as she wanted.
It had been a wonderful year. She had healed and gained her confidence back. One year had turned into two, and then into three. Her mother had said she was running away. But Louisa had seen it as exactly the opposite. She had gone away, but she had moved on with her life, and made herself a success in the process.
She still worked for Gustov, but she was now based in America, and picked the clients that she dealt with, these days. She was successful in and satisfied with every aspect of her life, except for having an intimate relationship. Since Mark, she hadn’t had any feelings of intense interest and curiosity about a particular man, until today.
Maybe it was because she had seen Mark again, and realized that he was not the man she had once imagined. Maybe she had been shocked out of whatever emotional freezer she had been in. Or, maybe she just hadn’t met the right kind of man…..
No. Louisa stopped herself. She wasn’t thinking in terms of ‘Mr Right’ anymore. That was a dream from childhood. It was because of Mark. She was finally over him. And that was a good thing. No need to be scared. No doubt her ability to have these feelings had been reawakened, and this was just the beginning. It had nothing to do with the man sitting beside her.


Jarod settled in for a bit of a wait. He had eight hours after all. He could wait a little longer. Everyone said patience was a virtue. Jarod thought that having an instinct for when to push, and when not to, was a far more valuable skill, however. His instincts told him that now was not the right time. The woman seemed to be deep in thought and not open to small talk.
She looked so much like Jennifer. It was really an uncanny likeness. Jennifer had been his friend since kindergarten. Her mother had lived next to his grandmother’s house, where he had grown up, after his mother had left him there for a ‘vacation’ and had disappeared when he had been two. They’d grown up together, scraped their knees together, gotten matching braces, and eventually shared their first kiss. Then they had gone to college in different cities, the ‘togetherness’ had finished, and some other boy had captured her heart.
Mark hadn’t been too worried. Not even when she had come home and tried to convince him that they weren’t right for each other. He hadn’t believed her. He had always known that they would get married, and he had still believed it. He’d known since he’d been a small boy. He hadn’t been worried at all. Not until the phone call came. The phone call that changed his life and his beliefs in an instant.
He had been at university. It had been three days before his finals, and it had been his grandmother who called. He had instantly known that something serious was wrong. And it had been. Jennifer had been right after all. They wouldn’t get married. But not because she was marrying someone else. But because she was dying.
She had had a rare form of Leukemia, and one that the doctors had had no cure for. They’d tried everything. But it hadn’t worked and Jennifer had died three months later.
Jarod could still hear Jennifer’s voice in his mind. He’d heard the same speech in his mind a thousand times in the fifteen years since she had died.
“Jarod. You’ve been one of the best things in my life. But I’m just your friend. You’ll miss me. I hope you do. But you’re not losing the love of your life. I know you think you are, but you’re not. I’m not the one for you. Obviously.” She had laughed a little sadly at that part. “I’m not, and I never was. I always knew that. For a while I wanted to think I was. You’ve always been special to me. But I’ve always known I wasn’t right for you. I’m not strong willed enough for you. I usually just do what you say. You need someone who will challenge you. Someone who will shake you up every once in a while and keep you human. That woman is out there looking for you. But I don’t think you’ll find each other for a while. I hate to tell you this, but you need to grow up a lot before you’re ready for her!”
Jarod smiled at that part of the memory. She’d said that she wasn’t strong willed enough for him, but she’d sure put him in his place enough times. Still he’d let her say her piece that day. She’d been dying, for God’s sake. So it hadn’t mattered what she’d said, what she’d believed. He hadn’t wanted to argue. But he hadn’t believed her either. He had believed that his love had died along with Jennifer.
Nothing much had changed in fifteen years. He hadn’t loved Amanda, hadn’t been able to, and she certainly hadn’t loved him. Nor had he met a woman who had even come close to making him feel the way he had about Jennifer. Sometimes he wondered if he had even loved her. Perhaps love was a fairytale that many believed in, to make life worth living, but few had in reality.