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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1225324-A-Mystery-only-to-me
by alicia
Rated: E · Monologue · Psychology · #1225324
sarcasm in its most serious form describing the numbness we all feel every now and then.
What is sadness?
So much talk about frowns and tears and the blues. Seems like such an over-rated emotion. They tell me, “It’s okay to be sad, its okay to cry,” but I don’t know what ‘sad’ means. Outside the sky looks blue, but they call it gray. I’ve never been to any dumps, so how can I be ‘down’ in them? I am Caucasian, not an alien, so how can they say I look blue? I don’t understand why my Mother cries all the time. Crying looks like it’s painful.
I don’t think that I’ve ever felt ‘sad’. Does it feel slippery, like the water fallen from their eyes? Or is it cold, like the blades they hold to their own skin? Sometimes I think I am lucky to not feel sad. They tell me I would know if I was sad or not…

What is happiness?
So much invested on smiles and laughter and bubbly hubbub. I’ve asked them before ‘What makes you act so strangely? You speak so loud, so fast, so uncontrolled.” Simply, they answered, “I am happy,” as if that made any sense at all. Does happiness make them snort and gasp in for breath every time they get together and tell unlikely stories and mindless jokes? I don’t understand, and every time I witness such foolishness among my peers, I consider myself lucky that I am immune to that ridiculousness. I think, if I ever DO feel ‘happy’ I hope I do not make a fool of myself.

What is anger?
They say it is when your blood boils and steam blows from your ears. The mental image frightens me and I hope I NEVER get angered. I am sure I’ve never been angry before, because I think I would have noticed. They say anger is what you feel when your little brother flushes your favorite toy down the toilet. I reminisce and ponder this explanation and think, “Anger is my fist hurling in my brothers face? Does it feel like a bloody nose and look like a severed tooth spit on the ground?” Maybe I did feel anger then, but I don’t recall. It seems so foreign to me. How could such tiny occurrences make them violent and flushed? They say, it’s just an emotion like any other. They say you cannot help but feel it. I think once again that luck has allowed me to not be enslaved to these so called emotions.

What is love?
They say it is the greatest feeling ever. Better than the rest, they say nothing can compare. I think, no wonder they spend all their paychecks buying love, but they correct me saying “You cannot buy love, silly.” They say love is when two people like each other a lot, and that’s why everywhere you turn boys are kissing girls and holding hands and love is why people spend so much on weddings. I cannot comprehend why somebody would spend hundreds on a dress they only wear once, but they say it is all about love. They tell me, “love is all you need,” over and over like broken records. Maybe I am mistaken, but don’t you also need food to survive? I would rather eat than live on an emotion. They say love feels wonderful, like going on a rollercoaster. I am relieved that I have never felt love, because I think I would throw up.

© Copyright 2007 alicia (lightmyfire at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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