What Exactly is in There?

Being a Writer - what does this mean? Is it the basic calm that settles as soon as a pen and blank page are in front of me, - or a keyboard and screen. It helps to have time and no distractions, such as guilt for neglecting the kids (I could be watching quality tv with them..) or chores, maybe they deserve a capital -Chores, these endless red herrings that multiply as I try to deal with them..

Still, that's all by the poolside of the writing life. The innards of it, the guts of it, comes when I lower myself into the clay pit of whatever-it-is. I guess its the sub-conscious, or unconscious. The picture that comes to mind is a miry pit, like a disused quarry - clinging mud and kind of cold and forbidding, maybe with do-not-enter signs... That's where I have to go, I expect every writer has their version of it. Sometimes I wish mine were a bit more welcoming and a little less scarey, but hey, that's part of the adventure. Just being here, standing on the edge and contemplating going down there is thrilling. A whole lifetime of STUFF just waiting to be recycled.

I have wanted to be a writer forever, it feels like I was born for this life and yet - I've always allowed myself to be distracted until now. 'Now' is the Right Time for me to do this, I've been reading (well, gorging would be more accurate) since I learned how to do it. Books, where would we be without them? They're places we can go (and take with us), they're old friends we can rely on - and they'll say something new every time.

Whenever I've been wrestling with the Doubtmonster (who do you think you are? what makes you think you have anything to say that anyone would be interested in reading? So you think no one has ever said that before? etc. etc.) I've caved in and sloped off to read something else, Add to my Life Experience - basically, carry on trying to be God Enough. Now, though, I have a new thought (or weapon, seeing as this is about engaging with and defeating a monster) on this subject.

Here it is: How would my life have turned out if Doris Lessing had decided not to bother with writing and become a doctor instead? (I'm sure she would have been a great GP - clever, insightful, good at recognizing patterns etc) or if Alice Walker had gone off to be a hairdresser or an accountant and just never had time to get around to The Colour Purple or Living By The Word. What if Stephen King had carried on teaching and taken up photography as an outlet for his creativity? I can't imagine never having read Marge Piercy's Woman On The Edge of Time. My life would have been so much less, if these people (and so many others, I'd be here all day if I mentioned a fraction of them) hadn't wrestled with their Doubltmonsters and set off down into the pit,hall, island, river of consciousness where they speak to us from, and tell us about themselves and ourselves.

Hell, only God knows how my gift will turn out, but it burns in me and if I don't use it I'll never know. Its good to be here with crowd of other Real time people who are all connecting up with their creativity. I look forward to reading and writing.