Finding Happiness

The prospect of being happy and successful is a wonderful thought. Those two terms are what everyone strives to achieve. For myself, reaching it has been very hard and set-backs have been handed out left and right. Although this has not deterred me from the goal, it has made me realize how life can be and how attaining them is totally possible.
Almost five years ago, I lost one of my sons. It was a tragic accident that took us all by surprise. This accident changed my life forever in ways that I never thought possible. My life before this was I guess what you would call a "normal" life. Afterwards, normal was not a word that we fit into at all. I shut myself off from the world completely. Honestly, if it were not for my other children I might not have even gotten out of my bed most days. I quit my job and isolated myself from my friends. The pain and anguish experienced during this time was so overwhelming at times I did not think I would make it. I did not want to talk to anyone about what I was going through because in my mind no one could possibly be feeling the same way as I was.
Then one day, for reasons I am still unsure of, I "woke up". I realized that my life was something I despised. The future was a bleak wasteland just looming over me. My husband was struggling with his feelings of loss and grief plus the sole responsibility of supporting the family. The children were trying to cope with not only their loss but dealing with a mother that was pretty much lost inside. I had had enough. This was not me, and I wanted the old me back.
Now I realize that the person I used to be will never be back. The reason why is because I have grown in so many ways that my life could never be the same. I have learned that pain and suffering are not only feelings that can ruin your life, but also, if you come to terms with them, they can be very strong driving forces for you to achieve most anything.
For me to feel the accomplishments of happiness and success are relative. Those are not traits of a quality of life; they are what are reflected in the quality of time spent in your life attaining them. I want to experience life that, before now, has seemed unreachable. I do realize now that anything is possible and I have the determination and inner strength to achieve the happiness and success dreamed by most. Bring on the hurdles of life....I am ready, willing, and more than able.