Sad Truths

What did you do to me?
Those hand prints on my arms
Like engraved burns deeply penetrating my soul
The strength in that hand
So severe
A loving father you are not
I’m not the daughter you expect me to be
Nor the perfect woman
Never will this be alright
I know it isn’t like that now
I remember how it used to be
No other man will ever tell me
He is sorry that He hurt me
You should be happy I kept my secrets so long
Afraid of who might get me
I have flashbacks here and there
Memories
When I was 4 and knowing you were home
Not knowing where to hide or even where to go
Every time you found me
And then you bruised me
More painful to my heart than my body
Tell you the truth?
You hit me and then spanked me
I was told I needed you
And that you didn’t want me
I was a waste of money
You think you’re all high and mighty
What did I do to you?
Now you’re useless in my eyes
That’s just the beginning too
Beat until I couldn’t stand
Lying on the floor
Trying to keep silent
I can hear your breaths loud and deep
I would like to thank my angels
They kept me off deaths doorway
They held me all night long
There peaceful songs and lyrics
What kept me moving on
At age 5 I had my bags packed
I planned to run away
Got to the corner
A cop told me I had to stay
I wasn’t sure if he could see
All of the sadness inside me
I was treated like your garbage
I know I’m just your fuck-up
I’m used to all your punches
You see it’s amazing what we go through
So nobody finds out
All the pain and suffering
Fear they’ll just go rat you out
Over the years I got smarter I did well in school
If a teacher called home id be lost
Wouldn’t know what to do
For your hand was always threatening
To turn me Dark shades of blue
I think you like to hurt me dad
That’s why your you
Some days I don’t want to wake up
Not even be close to you
I did a lot of praying
Ignorance back then
When I thought that God would help me
Thought he was my friend
I would pray for him to guide me
Make me nice and strong
So I could stomp your ass till you couldn’t go on!
All of the friends I thought I had
Saw my bruises too
Instead of helping they decided what they would do
They all gathered together
Pretended I wasn’t there
Why should they see me anyhow?
Not like anyone cared
It wasn’t till 8th grade
When I was noticed once again
We moved because mom had Hannah
I actually had friends who gave a damn
So right now I’m writing this as my open plea
Please don’t pretend I’m invisible
I still want to be seen
Don’t feel bad for me because you see I’m still ok
My childhood is what made me grow so one day I might say
To any mother fuckers who think there big and strong...
I ever catch you hit a kid and ill lay your fagot ass down

-Amity-