*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1285220-A-VERY-CONTROVERSIAL-RANT
by Max
Rated: ASR · Essay · Comedy · #1285220
A short rant I made for a contest. Wish me luck!
If I'm going to make it through this round, I'm going to have to be really controversial, and say something that'll set the forums off like a firecracker...

Alright, I'm going to go on the record as saying that with the exception of Great Danes, all dogs are ruthless killers, trained by ex-KGB agents.

Laugh if you want, but you won't be laughing when Wishbone snaps your neck like a stalk of celery while you're asleep!

Not enough?  Well, I could also mindlessly rant about Vicks wall plug in vaporizers.  They're just too complicated! 

I mean, I normally just use Vicks cough drops. Number of steps: 2, unwrap it, pop it in mouth. Number of steps for Vicks vaporizer: 12.

1. Plug vaporizer into wall

2. The wall becomes vaporized

3. Run as the house partially collapses in

4. Call the contractor and explain what happened

5. Tell him that it IS physically possible

6. Explain how

7. Accept his bewildered apology

8. Get new vaporization proof wall constructed

9. Plug in vaporizer

10. Inhale deeply

11. Become vaporized

12. Leave payment for contractor in will

That's just too complicated for me! 

Right Snoopy?

*SNAP*
© Copyright 2007 Max (robertmfreeman at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Log in to Leave Feedback
Username:
Password: <Show>
Not a Member?
Signup right now, for free!
All accounts include:
*Bullet* FREE Email @Writing.Com!
*Bullet* FREE Portfolio Services!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1285220-A-VERY-CONTROVERSIAL-RANT