Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1299500-Take-A-Walk-On-The-Purge-Side
Rated: E · Column · Comedy · #1299500
Rid yourself of all that clutter! - Rewritten with help from a reviewer.
                  Take a walk on the purge side…no, I don’t mean sticking your finger down your throat to throw up to lose weight purge.  I mean really purge  - clean those closets - rid yourself of the burden of years of dust collectors that mean absolutely nothing to you.  I know every household in America has that one item that has no value and description beyond words.  Why on earth are you even keeping it?  If it had no value to begin with what makes you think it will ever have any value 100 years from now?

         Say Uncle Joe Snuffy made you this “thing” out of worn out fencing boards that's so dry they're brittle. Dear Uncle Joe Snuffy, who is 96, spent hours nailing chicken wire and fake grass all over it, complete with a rusted tin can attached to it for birdseed.  His eyesight isn’t so good so you can see every nail he hammered into it, every dent in the wood can be seen 50’ away. You give him this humongous smile and a hug for all his hard work but what do you actually do with it?   

         I tell you what to do - purge it!  Lean it up again a tree because it won’t stand up by itself, take a good picture of it, slap that puppy in a scrapbook, and call it a day. There is absolutely no ryhme nor reason to keep something that gawdy.
But I bet dollars to doughnuts some artzy fartzy woman would buy the “thing” in a garage sale and call it “yard art”. 

         In the bathroom, you have all the pretty shaped bars of soap that look like little angels in a pretty shaped decorative dish.  You never would dare use them nor would any guest member think to touch them. When you finally get around to cleaning the bathroom you hold those delicate bars of soap, one at a time, in your hand only to rub a dry rag over them to get all the dust that has collected around the eyes and ears of the angel faces.  Why I ask, just why? 

         Ladies, why do you really need three sizes of clothes in the closets?  Will you ever wear that size 2 again?  And don’t dare go back to that size 14 that took months to get away from. Chunk em’, purge em’ – clothes be gone! Leave in the closet what you are going to wear right now, this week even.  Because you know if you get a size smaller or even a size bigger (God Forbid) you are going straight to the mall to get something new to wear.  Am I right, Ladies, am I right? 

         I tell you what,  to purge is to declare independence from broken picture frames held on the wall with a nail, half used candles that don’t have enough wax left to ever light again, whatnots that have long served its purpose and clothes you’ll never attempt to get into again.  Now there is enough room to buy once again the “things” that started the purge in the first place.  Mark that down in your little daybook. 

         Until next time…..take a walk on the purge side.

....take care....SaraJane....                    
© Copyright 2007 SaraJane (sarajane at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1299500-Take-A-Walk-On-The-Purge-Side