You Left Me Open

So many situations and circumstances that could have been avoided

If only I had some protection, some guidance, or even some fear…if only you had been there…just a little more

My innocence begging to be held in the hands of the stronger figure, but left to fend for itself with no rules or reasoning

You left me open to so much that I had no business experiencing…at least not yet anyway

The abuse at the hands of other men, who left physical and emotional marks on me that are now faint…but if you look closely, can still be seen

I hit my growth spurt too fast, having worries of rent, lights, and groceries, when other kids didn’t even know what these bills looked like

Having too many grown-up thoughts, always wondering what can I do to please him, how can I get him to like me…does he even see me?

Only by God’s grace did I not want for physical needs really, but always had a void that I thought could be filled if I just did what he wanted…what you wanted

In some ways, I’m still open…waiting for the right man to be the man I want, and not some replacement or consolation of what I thought I needed…from you…from him…from them

Until then, I’m looking to God to hold my peace and fight all the battles He’s always been fighting, so that I can stop blaming, and start claiming what’s mine…

Closure