The Snip..

..The Snip..

In a mans life there comes a time
when he's sown enough seed and still in his prime.
My time had come and was pushed along
by demonic effects of a drug that was wrong,
a contraceptive implant in the cook's left arm
completely removed all her grace and charm.

Eyes large and protruded
moods out of control,
emotional out bursts,
the  woman lost her soul!
The bad boys just had to be snipped
fore to put up with madness I wasn't equipped.
Strike now in case she puts another in,
I can't live with the mood swings or drink enough gin.

The appointment made for later that week
can't waste no time it's sanity I seek,
I asked a mate if he'd drive me home
after I'm cut and listen to me moan.
200 mile there and 200 back
both hands will be me protecting my sack.

Early that morning we head for the big smoke
remorse for my mates in my pants is the joke.
A box of beer was all my mate charged
to drive me home when my jewels were enlarged,
I bought a box of beer and parked the truck
the mate went to the casino to try his luck.

Into the surgery
I timidly walk,
sit down with others
too nervous to talk.
Nurse took me into
a booth for a shave
with a  serious blade I had to behave.
The needles went in
I broke out in a sweat,
the doctor sat down I start to regret.

They sat me up to see the show
"Awe go to buggery I don't want to know!"

Too late now he's cut the sack
lifted them out, put 'em on to my lap.
The smell in the air of burning skin
"A good job done," as she poked 'em back in.

"To clear the chamber how many shots does it take?"
I asked the quack to write a script, for revenge's sake.
28 shots need be fired then you can holster your gun,
2 weeks until the implant wears off, the fun's just begun.
High as a kite I found the truck
ready for my mate to drive,
there he was drunk as a lord
I could have skinned him alive.

He didn't batter an eye lid
as I jumped in the car and abuse,
"I can still drive it doesn't matter I haven't got a license to loose"

As I shook my head
hopped in and took the wheel
out of my tree,
I now noticed how little I could feel.
I can't remember the drive
and I didn't feel a bump
With a  prescription for sex in my hand
at last an alibi to hump!

The misses fell for the rouse
spent not much time on her feet
a shoulder tap... a wink of the eye
meant it was time to repeat.

I remember the day when I said too loud
"It's time to to fill the cup!"
I followed the cook with a grin on my face,
the oldest worked out what was up.
Two teenage boys with flapping ears
poked fun when the penny dropped,
number 29 in the specimen jar
was the only time that the urge had been stopped.

Three days it took for results to come back
I was finally given the all clear
"At last," the misses said,
" I can walk down the hall with out fear!"

"Yes your right my baby ,
but I also can live without dread;
I cut the nuts so I didn't have to live
with a lady with a revolving head.
The implant is gone,your soul will return,you won't need an exorcism
the urges to kill have left me now...I won't have to end up in prison !"