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Rated: 13+ · Essay · Personal · #1365128
The best git I've ever received.
The best gift I've ever received isn't something you can touch. It's not a diamond ring or beautiful necklace. It's not even a new car or lots of money. No, the best gift I've ever received is happiness. I'm not talking about being giddy all day long or laughing hysterically at everything. I still have days when I'm grumpy or tired. But, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I am happy with myself, even with all of my imperfections. I am happy with my husband, even with all of his imperfections as well. I feel as if I am falling in love with him all over again, only this time it feels different, I believe, because of how I feel about myself.

The reason for my obvious enthusiasm with life is that, for the first time since I can remember, I am not depressed. This is such a new feeling for me. I find it almost impossible to express in the written word, but I want to try.

I kept a journal several years ago. I came across it recently and began to read it. It is unbelievable how sad I was. There wasn't one page where I expressed happiness in any way. Page after page, day after day, I expressed the sadness I was experiencing, the misery that was my life. Of course, a lot of this came from choices I made that were certainly not in my best interest, though I wasn't able to see it at the time.

I attribute my happiness with some wonderful people who helped me when I needed it the most. It's always been difficult for me to ask for help. I always thought I should be able to handle whatever life throws at me. But, in doing this, in pushing my feelings so far down for so damn long, one day they erupted in the form of tears that didn't stop for close to two weeks. I didn't know what was happening to me, only that I felt as if I wanted to no longer go on. Life had kicked me one time too many, and I just couldn't fight back.

The people who helped me were amazing.  They listened to me and helped me to see myself in a different way. I finally realize that feeling guilty for mistakes made in the past was serving no useful purpose. I can finally forgive myself and let the past go. I am forever grateful these wonderful people are in my life.

Happiness is the best gift I've ever received. If I were able to, I'd give it to everyone. There is nothing like it.

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