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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1371018-Darkest-Secrets-Another-Prologue
Rated: 18+ · Draft · Erotica · #1371018
At the advice of a reviewer, I rewrote the prologue for this one. Which 1 is better?
Darkest Secrets

Aztec city of Tenochtitlan, Ancient Mexico in the 1500’s

         The night was strangely cold and lonely. Renai sat on the edge of the roof, her thoughts on the massacre of her people at the hands of the strange speaking Cortez and his army. A sharp pain stabbed through her chest, as she remembered her brother who had been on the sacrificial altar, when they had stormed their village. His last victories against the strangers had earned him the right to sacrifice himself to the God Huitzilopochtli, the Aztec’s god of war. Then as he lay with his chest opened and his heart in the hands of the priest, the cursed foreigners had ransacked the city of Tenochtitlan. Her brother had decided to take part in the ceremony on this night to win the war god’s favor for the next battle with the conquistadores. Her father and mother had been desecrated in their bed, while the invaders attacked in the dark of the late night. The cries of her people still echoed in her ears, along with the blasts from the foreign bangsticks. So much blood and so many dying children, how could the gods let this happen?

         Anger boiled through her blood as she watched the evil man named, Cortez, lead his people into the homes of the Aztec. Even with distance, she could tell what was happening the same things that had happened since the raid had started. They stormed into the homes, if there were bodies; they were thrown into haphazard piles and torched. If there were things that the conquistadores wanted they simply carried it out. The useless gold metal seemed to be their favorite loot. Its beauty had covered much of the décor in most of the homes, so there was plenty to curb their seemingly insatiable hunger for it. Renai’s eyes narrowed as she watched them, her fists clenched. She vowed to take revenge. She wasn’t sure why she still lived, the last of her people. There were those that had been taken as prisoners, but she knew that she would never see any of them again. The only answer she had was that the gods must have something planned for her. Her mind made up, she dropped silently from her perch onto the dusty road beneath. Her family’s home was now beyond the droves of plunderers. She was sure that the things she would need, would still be there.

         The streets were littered with so much debris that Renai had to circle Tenochtitlan from the south to reach her home on the eastern boundary. Plumes of thick smoke choked the air with a rancid odor of death. Once flourishing homes were no more than burnt out hulls, and even the raised gardens of the south were dried up and destroyed. Left over articles that the foreigners left behind lay scattered all around, and as Renai stepped she was forced to step lively and silently, to avoid detection.

         A lone thief emerged from the remains of a house just in front of Renai; she dropped to her haunches behind the leftover portion of a wall, completely shrouding herself with its shadows. The thief wandered on past her, his pants billowed out with the loot he had stuffed there. When he was safely past her, Renai let out her breath in an almost silent manner, then pushed herself back to her feet and hurried in the direction she had intended.

         Her family home loomed in front of her. Renai bit back a cry at the site of its demise. Her smothered cry was followed quickly by disgust that caused her stomach to swell up in her mouth, as she saw the pile of smoldering bodies outside of her home. Her father, mother, husband and child all lay blackened and only remnants of what she had enjoyed dinner with only hours ago. Renai was unable to stop herself from dropping to her knees beside the piles, and barely stopped herself from reaching out to take her son’s hand. Her husband had been so proud when he had been born only twelve moons ago. His chubby little baby fingers still visibly curled around something. Renai lifted a hand to test the warmth around the ash, but it was still too warm to risk sticking her hand into it. She dropped her head as tears threatened to overflow, and saw a broken bowl laying just beside the pile. Reaching down she grabbed the bowl and used it to scrape ash away from her son’s fingers. New streams of smoke wafted from the moved ashes, as they fell away from his hand. Renai bent to study it more closely, and could just make out the thin gold chain that dangled from between fingers. Gingerly, Renai grasped the chain and tugged gently. The chain pulled free, taking two of her son’s fingers with it. Renai clenched her eyes closed at the site, but when she reopened them she noticed what dangled from the chain. A small golden vial swung precariously in the light breeze. A sound caused Renai to jump. Turning her attention to the streets behind her, she could see nothing. Her guts quivered and she remembered why she had come back to her home anyway. She stood and using the bowl piece and the toes of her shoes, she swiped up any traces of her footprints in the dirt and ash.

Throwing another look down the path beyond her, she could make out a faintest shape walking and swinging a cane carelessly. Fear seized her and Renai ran into the house, looking in panic for the trapdoor that led to her father’s secret stash. A tapestry that Cortez had traded her father for horses lay on the ground, and its edge grazed the corner of the trapdoor. Yanking it aside she dropped through the floor. Even through her pain and fear a tiny smile tugged on her lips. It was all still here! The weapons her father had insisted that they hide, the first time the visitors failed to keep their end of a treaty. Even the clothes her mother had made painstakingly were still there, hanging from the floor joists that served as roof supports for the tiny hidden room. 

         Through her momentary excitement, she didn’t realize she had a visitor, until a large shadow fell over her. Unable to move, Renai just stood there. She had been caught!

         The man in front of her did not resemble the conquistadores in the least. In fact, he could have passed for one of her people, but Renai had never seen him before.

         “What is all of this?”

         The man’s voice seemed to shake the very core of Renai’s being, as she stumbled to reply.

         But the man cut her off with a wave of his hand, causing his blue suit to catch even the dimmest lights in the hole in the floor. “They could be useful.” Renai stood there, attempting to quell her nerves. The man turned his obsidian eyes on her. “Do not be afraid, Renai.”

         “How do you….” Renai stuttered, but again the man silenced her with a upheld hand.

         “Do not be afraid. I am Huitzilopochtli and I want to make a deal with you.”

         Huitzilopochtli! It was impossible! Renai had heard of rumors of the gods and goddesses showing themselves to others in the village, but never to her or her family. And certainly not the god of war!

         Renai lifted her chin slightly, her guts outrun her thoughts as she said, “What sort of a deal, my god?”

         Huitzilopochtli’s lips curved upwards slightly. “Revenge.”
© Copyright 2008 HeidiNorrod (heidi_norrod at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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