Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1375069-Shaky-Marriage
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Comedy · #1375069
A funny story about a married couple who cannot get along.

ATTENTION: May cause a lot of laughter! :D

January 1st, 2006
She stood there, gazing into his bright blue eyes, wondering what would happen next. Claire and John have been dating for 3 years, and she wasn't for sure if he even cared anymore. If he doesn't do anything quick, she might not give him another chance. Besides, she already gave him over fifty chances, great chances, for him to ask for her hand in marriage. All of a sudden, while Claire was caught in the mist of her thoughts, he took her hand in his and pulled her slowly into him. While the New Year's Day fireworks began to go off, he kissed her romantically, with his left hand in her right and his right hand behind her neck, and when he pulled back, he stared right into her eyes and ever so gently said, "Will you marry me?" Claire was shocked. She new it was New Year's Day and it was the best time to ask, but it was so weird how it happened right when she was thinking about it. "Yes!" She said as she kissed him again. "I love you Claire, I always have." "I love you too John!"

2 years later
January 1st, 2008

"John, why are you always gone? Why can't you help around the house once in a while instead of wondering off to God knows where?" Claire said furiously as she roughly picked up John's clothes off of the floor. "I have a meeting hun. I put the bread on the table, you need to think of that once in a while," said John and he slammed the door behind him as he walked out the door. "Great, just great." Claire said as she threw his clothes back down to the floor. Then Claire started thinking. Maybe, just maybe, she could get him back somehow. How dare him walk out on her. "I know just what to do." she said viciously as she picked up all of John's clothes.
She walked outside and stood at the bottom of their house. She threw his clothes gleefully ontop their roof and went back inside to grab more of his underwear, his shorts, and his favorite shirts from his "meetings" to throw ontop of the roof. "It still does not seem like enough to get him back with. He has walked out on me for the last time, and I know he is lying when he says he goes to 'meetings'." Then she jumped and ran back inside. She grabbed his favorite mugs, his lamp, and his office supplies and ran back outside and exhaustedly threw them ontop the roof. The mugs smashed and the lamp sparked. All of a sudden, there was a fire. "Oh no," Claire thought, "his lamp was running on gas!"
She ran back inside and called the fire department. After she told them the grusomely long details about where she lived, she ran upstairs and grabbed a fire extinguisher and went to the attic to get to the door that led to the roof. When she got there, she saw that the fire had already spread about five feet in diameter. She pointed the fire extinguisher at the fire and not knowing how to use the extinguisher she tried to put the fire out. She did not succeed. She ran back through the door, downstairs, grabbed a few things out of her room, and ran outside to wait on the fire department. As the fire licked at the sides of her beautiful home, she took out her cell phone and called the fire department once again. They told her that her husband called in and told them she was struck by hystaria, and had a disease where she always thought things were on fire. And they believed him! Probably because he was the most trusted guy in this broken down state. "How dare he." She thought.
With her teeth clenched and her fists tightly drawn into two balls, she ran to her car, thankfully the keys were under the seat, and drove to the local bar. Of course, she saw John's car parked in their parking lot and she parked in an alley right next door. She searched for her kitchen knife, the one she used to cut cucumbers with on the way to the mall, and walked over to his precious viper. She punched a hole in all four of his tires and carved, "Eat This Loser!" into the side of his bright red door on the driver's side. She walked casually back to her car and drove away. When she left, she did not know where to go. "Oh my gosh, how in the world did I do that!?" she said aloud to herself, wondering how she got the courage to do something so vicious. "Well, at least I didn't kill anyone!" She said gleefully as she drove to "God knows where."
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