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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1391382-Evelyns-Cellar---Chapter-1
by Farryn
Rated: 18+ · Novel · Friendship · #1391382
Excerpts from my novel. please help with bad grammar editing and anything you find helpful
Authors Notes: This is the first edit of chapter 1. The chapter isn't complete; maybe halfway done. any helpful hints or ideas greatly appreciated. Main characters name changed to my pen name due to the fact i am uncertain on names right now.

I appreciate any help possible, positive remarks are not always the best. Some of the best reviews I have received in the past were very bold; and those are the kinds that help. I'd rather you try to have me rewrite the whole thing in the aim to make it better than have you say, "oh it was good, i liked it don't change anything!"< ~ that doesn't help at all.

Comment, Rate, Appreciate... thanks!


"Farryn get up here and help me pack!" was the final demand my mother made to me, to help her pack. Not 'Farryn don't forget your toothbrush..' or 'bring something to read on the plane...'

Just 'Help me pack.'

I was not going with her this time.

As I sat in the fridge I took a deep breath and continued to ignore her. The pages of The Chrysalids were fading under my clip-on lamp from reading it so much.

My mother was getting ready to go to Victoria to go live with her latest meal ticket, 'an important business opportunity.' She called it. I was to be left with my dinosaur of an aunt who was an old school teacher; she was set in her ways and detested children. Aunt Muriel was one of those teachers that wouldn't let you go to the bathroom during class even if the potty dance turned into a struggle to save oneself from an embarrassing incident.

I didn't want to face my mother. I loved her but I just couldn't sit there and watch her get ready to leave. She didn't understand what she was doing to me; she didn't see the effects this was already having on my sanity. She was leaving her own daughter so she can work somewhere on the other side of the country.

"Farryn! Hurry up!"

I'm going to have to change my name soon; too many cries of Farryn and my name will be spent. Anything would be better...

"What do you want!?" I screamed up the basement stairs as I turned the page. "I'm preoccupied!"

I could hear her impatient toe tapping against the linoleum and I decided to leave the comforts of my solitude. Little did I know that this would be the last time I ever saw my mother, or hear her fastidious toe tapping on the first floor. I was in my usual hiding spot; the old 50s fridge that broke down before Robert left. Since then its residence has been the basement cellar. A gutted old fridge with a blanket and a lamp, it's where I went when I wanted to be avoided. I didn't want to go to my aunts, I knew if I ever got stuck there I wouldn't stay long. If I did stay I'd probably die of bladd...

"Farryn! If you don't get here in one minute I'll..."

"Ok, ok I'm coming!" marking my page with a scrap of paper I left my safe haven and headed upstairs. Five days after my eleventh birthday my mother was leaving me. Happy Birthday Farryn, now fend for yourself. In her defence she did try to find a home for me with dear old aunty, but it was a hack job to say the least. Truth was; she was frightened of me, And on this day I found out why.

~~~

"There you are, dinner is in the fridge and Aunt Muriel will be here to pick you up tomorrow before lunch. Stay in the house and don't do anything dangerous." Said the flighty woman in front of me.

"Dangerous... right."

"Don't be that way, this is for your own good. Now I ..."

"My own good?! How can you abandoning me be for my own good?"

"I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you. Farryn Kelly I'm not able to take care of you, half the time I am frightened for your life."

She used my middle name; she actually used my middle name! Unbelievable...

"You need change, and Aunt Muriel is better suited to deal with you than I am. If you weren't so darn clumsy and distracted all the time I would take you with me.

You almost died on Monday and I wasn't aware of it until Stacey next door told me on Tuesday! "

What an over exaggeration, but I didn't tell her that. I could see she was in a hurry to leave before I became more of a burden. As she closed the door to leave I saw a tear loosen from her eye, but the expression was one of relief.

"your mind is a dangerous place darling, and Aunt Muriel is the antidote."

Yeah, antidote to sanity and bathroom breaks.

~~~

That night i planned my escape.

~~~
© Copyright 2008 Farryn (farryngreer at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1391382-Evelyns-Cellar---Chapter-1