I wait I wait I wait I wait

So check this out - I am depressed.
I've never been depressed before.
My therapist calls it "situational depression."
See, I even have a therapist.
I'm doing this depression the right way.
My doctor gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant.
An SSRI.
Stands for something that's supposed to make my lows not-so-low.
We'll see.  I'll wait.

In the meantime, what am I supposed to do?
I contemplate suicide every few minutes.
When I rest my head on my hand, I strangle myself - but just a little.
I know how it feels for sharpness to slit skin.
I think about how much blood there would be if I just Xed my wrists right open.
I figure it's good I never got that glock, cause it'd be too easy now.
Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself.
What a waste.
This shit's been too hard to just die over.  I'll wait.

It's just so funny how it all works out, though.
Ever the positive energy in the room, boy crazy and bouncy, now all I want is to rest.
- My friend that I call Grampa says I can come watch movies with him.
- My friend Jess is taking me to coffee tonight.
- My friends are my salvation, while my insurance denies my SSRI.
Ironic, as I work at mental health.
Ha.
See?  It'll get better.  I'll wait.

In the meantime, Fiest has taken over my stereo.
Fugazi's coming up soon, 13 Songs.
Maybe Fu Manchu after that, or maybe Radiohead, or maybe...
But Fugazi is next, because I need to hear this one song.
It's the first track, and just thinking about it is helping me get to a lighter shade.

"I am a patient boy
I wait I wait I wait I wait
My time is running down the drain
Everybody's movin everybody's movin
Everybody's movin movin movin movin
Please don't leave me to remain."