The Beach (part 2)

Dylan



I was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was twelve. It was a very severe case and
they didn’t figure I would live longer than a year. My family was really scared. Mom
and Dad stayed strong for Katie’s sake and my, though. My little sister was only five
when we found out about the cancer so she didn’t really know what was actually
going on. She knew when we were upset though. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I
lived to be fifteen.

Music has always been a really big part of my life. When I was diagnosed with cancer
I decided to learn how to play bass. I managed to form a kind of band with kids from
my youth group and we became the worship team. We were actually pretty good.
Everyone called me “Beanie” because of my hat that I started wearing after we shaved
my head.

When the Make a Wish Foundation contacted us about a month ago, I knew exactly
what I wanted to do. A long time ago I went to a Hillsong United concert. That’s where
I became a Christian and my dream was to be on that worship team one day. I asked
the foundation people if there would be any chance that I could play a concert with
them sometime and the people at the foundation said they would contact Hillsong
church in Australia.

About a week later the pastor, Brian Houston, called me and invited me to play a
concert with them in San Jose, California. I was really nervous but really excited. I
lived in Lincoln, Nebraska so we had to take a plane there.

About a week ago we left. It was my first plane ride ever and I stared out the window
the whole time. Then when we got off the plane in California there was a guy holding a
sign that said “Carson”, which is my last name, so we followed him and he took us
outside to a shiny blue and silver Spyder Eclipse. I sat in the front seat and Katie sat
in the back. Mom and Dad followed us in a rental car to a hotel. There we met up with
Brian Houston and his wife Bobbie and they took me to the Jubilee Christian Center
where the band was practicing. Mom, Dad and Katie decided to explore San Jose
while I was at practice.

“So are you excited?” Brian asked me as we got out of his SUV in front of the center.

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, “I’ve never been so pumped in my life.”

“We’re glad,” Bobbie said with a warm smile.

I smiled back and pulled my beanie down on my head. From the outside the place
looked massive but it seemed even bigger inside. As soon as I walked through the
huge front doors I could hear music. It was incredible and brilliant and seemed to be
coming from nowhere in particular.

When we got through the doors leading into the auditorium the music was even
louder. I walked down the middle aisle with Brian and Bobbie behind me toward the
stage where the members of Hillsong United were messing with their instruments
getting them ready for the day’s practice. As soon as they saw us, everyone stopped
playing.

“Everybody, this is Dylan. He’s going to be your bassist for this week.” Brian said
putting his hands on my shoulders.

The smile already on my face grew so big my cheeks began to hurt.

“Hi, I’m Joel,” the lead singer and acoustic guitarist said shaking my hand.

“Nice to meet you,” I replied trying to remember how to breathe.

The rest were just as nice as Joel. John, Brooke, Holly, Annie, Bec and Michelle were
all singers. Jad played electric guitar; Gabe was on drums, Michael was, another
guitarist, and Matthew played bass and was completely willing to give up his position.

The practice was incredible. It was a thousand times what practice with my worship
band was. Even though this was just a practice, all of us were worshipping.

Every practice leading up to the show after that was just as amazing and I knew that
the actual performance was going to be ten times better. I got really excited when
Matthew came up to me and told me that I had a real gift.

“Thanks,” I was completely astounded that someone with such a remarkable talent
would congratulate someone like me.

The night of the concert I was a nervous wreck. Joel told me while I was on stage to
picture just me and God in the room, and no one else. He told me not to worry about
what everyone else thought but rather what God thought.

“No matter what happens, God is going to be proud because you’re going to help
change lives tonight,” Joel said placing his hand on my shoulder.

I smiled and nodded. I could do that. I could make everybody disappear. After a quick
prayer led by Jad, all of us hurried out onto the stage. As soon as I got out from the
small hallway the room opened up looking even bigger than it had when it was empty.
An endless sea of people spread out before me all jumping up and down and
cheering. In all the madness I heard a chant forming.

Beanie! Beanie! Beanie!

Joel turned around and walked toward me, “You ready, dude?”

I nodded with a smile and lifted my bass strap over my head. Joel started in with one
of my favorite Hillsong songs.



The enemy has been defeated

And death couldn’t hold you down

We’re gonna lift our voice in victory

We’re gonna make your praises loud!



As soon as he sang those first few words the crowd sprang to life. Throughout the
whole concert the energy never died. I could feel it as I ran around on stage jumping
and playing not messing up once.

I knew exactly what the people out in the audience were feeling because I had been
where they were about two years before but nothing compared to what I was feeling
on the stage. Not once did I think about my brain cancer, which I’m sure was the
intention of the Make a Wish Foundation.

It ended all too soon. Only the band and I were left when the auditorium finally cleared
at nearly one in the morning. It took another half an hour just to pack up all our gear.
We headed out to a late night diner to grab something to eat. I rode with Joel and Jad.
We talked about the concert the whole way there.

“Dylan, I am completely impressed with your skill,” Jad said from the back seat. I felt
his hand on my shoulder.

“Thanks, Jad,” I replied still not quite believing that I was hanging out with two of the
members of Hillsong United.

“Yeah, how long have you been playing?” Joel asked me.

“Well, ever since I found out about my brain cancer, I guess,” I shrugged. “When I was
twelve. I was bored and wanted to do something new so my parents bought me a
bass guitar and I taught myself to play.”

The car was silent for a few seconds.

"That's awesome," Jad said. I could hear the smile in his voice. "You're my hero."

Joel and I laughed.

"What's really crazy is that when I was diagnosed they said I wouldn't live to see
thirteen," I explained staring straight ahead and running my fingers up and down my
bass cover.

"How old are you now?" Joel asked me.

"Fifteen," I replied.

I saw Joel shake his head out of the corner of my eye. It still surprised me that I had
lived two years longer than the doctors had thought. I mean they specialize in this
kind of stuff. Usually when they say something they mean it. And that includes how
bad my cancer was.

"God is really using you, Dylan," Brooke said to me when we had gotten to the diner.

Joel had had me tell the rest of the worship team what I had told him and Jad in the
car.

"I know," I smiled. "I never would have dreamed that I would be here with you guys. I
still can't believe it."

They all glanced at each other smiling.

"We're all honored to have you here with us," Matthew said to me.

Just then our food arrived and we each grabbed a hold of each other's hands. I had
Jad's and Matthew's. Joel prayed for our food.

"Heavenly Father, we just want to thank you for speaking through us to so many
hearts tonight and for meeting with us in that place. God, I feel so blessed to be a
part of this worship team and I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that
we're grateful to have Dylan be with us. I pray that he wouldn't be discouraged
because of his illness but rather that he would walk closer with you through this,
touching lives with his story. I know he's touched my heart with his strength and
courage. Please be with him and his family as they leave on their plane tonight. Bless
this food to our bodies, in your loving name. Amen."

"Amen," everyone said together.

My parents came to pick me up from the diner after about an hour and a half. I gave
every member of Hillsong United a hug. When I got to Joel it took all I had not to burst
into tears.

"This week has been amazing," I said as I hugged him. I stood back up straight and
looked at him. "Thanks for letting me play with you guys."

"Any time, dude," Joel replied tears rimming his eyes. "If we're ever near Nebraska
we'll give you a call," then he looked at his bassist. "I'm sure Matt wouldn't mind
giving up his position again for a show or two."

"Sure thing," Matthew's eyes lit up and he smiled at me.

I smiled back, "Sounds like a plan," I said.

Joel walked us out to our car and talked to Dad for a few minutes. My dad couldn't
stop thanking him for giving me this opportunity. Joel just told him thanks in return for
letting them meet such an awesome kid. I smiled when I heard him say that.
Then we pulled out of the diner and headed back to the hotel.

The plane ride home the next day was long and I was tired. More tired than I had ever
been in my entire life. I think I remember dreaming about being back onstage at the
Jubilee Christian Center, only instead of playing bass in the background I was up front
singing into the mic. I was leading thousands of people in worship. Better still was
that above all of them I could see a giant glowing light and I could feel the presence of
God even more than I actually did that night.

Once off the plane we got our bags and went home. I was almost too tired to walk
through the front door. My head was pounding by the time I lay down in my bed. My
own bed. I figured the pain was from the concert. All the high energy and lights, it just
wore me out. Even though I was so tired it took me a while to fall asleep. When I
finally did though, it was a deep sleep. I don't remember dreaming. Or waking up.





The Beach



"I think I'm starting to see a pattern," Alie says after Dylan has finished talking.

He slips his beanie back on his head. I just glare at him.

"Nathan got alcohol poisoning," Alie stands up, "Sasha cut too deep, and Dylan had
brain cancer."

"So, what, we're all dead?" Nathan asks partially joking.

"No," Alie says. "That can't be it."

"If we were dead, wouldn't we be in Heaven right now?" Sasha asks hugging her
knees to her chest.

"Yeah, that's true," Nathan mutters, "I really hope this isn't Heaven, we would be the
only ones who made it and that wouldn't be possible."

"Plus the fact that Gray and Jackson and those two people Jackson was telling us
about got out of here," Alie adds.

"Well, then I'm still completely confused," Sasha says frustrated.

The rest of them mutter in agreement. I just sit, still completely silent, angry that God
has somehow weaseled His way into this.

"Alie," Nathan says quietly.

"How did you get here?" he asks barely audible.

Our eyes shift to Alie as she smiles weakly trying not to cry.





Alie



I was almost asleep when I felt someone touching my shoulder.

“Alie.”

I opened my eyes slowly, “hmm…” I groaned.

“You need to stay awake,” Mrs. Ryan said to me, “come on. Sit up.”

I yawned and nodded then sat up. I didn’t really know why I had been so tired lately.
Maybe because it was so close to the end of the school year. Less than a month to
go.

“Alie,” Caitlin hissed from behind me.

I leaned back so she wouldn’t have to whisper so loud.

“Are you planning on having a party for your birthday tomorrow?” she asked me.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. “No, I already told you, my brother and I are going to a
concert tomorrow in Portland.”

“Are you planning on having one at all?” she asked me.

I shrugged and sat up straight again as the teacher’s eyes fell on us. I smiled
innocently at her and she raised an eyebrow then turned her attention away again.

“I didn’t plan anything,” I whispered quickly then turned my attention to what we were
actually doing in class.

Just as I started to actually understand what we were talking about, the bell rang
ending fifth period. Caitlin stood up behind me and I turned around.

“Caitlin, I haven’t had a party for about three years. I don’t think my mom would be
able to handle a bunch of kids at my house,” I said.

Caitlin just smiled then turned and headed for the door. She was planning something.
I narrowed my eyes at her. The hallways were crowded as always, one of the perks of
going to a tiny private school, so I wasn’t able to catch up to Caitlin to ask what she
was planning on doing. It’s not like she would have told me anyway. I could already
guess what was going on in her head and my guess was confirmed as soon as I
walked into sixth period. Everybody was talking to each other excitedly but as soon
as I came through the door, the talking subsided and they all took their seats. I sat
down between Caitlin and Jadon who were smiling at each other. I turned to Jadon.

“What’s going on, Jad,” I asked eyeing him suspiciously.

He just chuckled, “I’m keeping my mouth shut.”

I scoffed and hit him in the arm then turned around and was about to grill Caitlin when
the bell rang and the Mrs. Henderson began class.

“Alright, everyone,” she said, “Let’s get started on your presentations.”

I sighed, leaning my elbows on the desk and resting my chin in my hand.

“Who wants to go first?” she asked folding her hands in front of her as she scanned
the class.

Her eyes fell on me.

“Alie, why don’t you go first?”

I glanced at Caitlin who just smiled at me then I got up and walked to the front of the
class.



I caught up with Caitlin after class and blocked her path so she couldn’t get away
from me.

“No party,” I said sticking my finger in her face.

Caitlin just smiled. “I gotta get home,” she said then strolled past me with a smile, “I
love you, best friend!” she yelled as she disappeared around the corner.

I was left in the hallway by myself still having no clue what was going on. The only
thing I could do was wait until Caitlin’s plan was put into play. I didn’t know whether to
be excited or scared. Either way I didn’t want to be at school any longer than I had to
be, so I headed toward the door.

Once I got outside I started for my car, then stopped. Why was my sister here?
Completely confused I walked over to the familiar gray/blue Nissan Altima and leaned
down so I was eye to eye with the driver.

“What are you doing here, Liz?” I asked her. “I drove myself here.”

“I’m taking you to lunch,” she replied with a knowing smile. “Get in.”

I smiled, got in and we pulled out of the parking lot. On our way to the restaurant Liz
and I talked about the concert that our brother, Collin, was taking me to the next day.

Liz parked beside the curb outside of my favorite Mexican restaurant.

“Happy birthday!” she exclaimed throwing her hands into the air after we had gotten
out.

I laughed and the two of us went inside. Both of us ordered our usual.

“Caitlin is up to something,” I said after a little while.

Liz, with her mouth stuffed with food, stared at me. “What makes you think that?” she
finally asked me.

After flicking a piece of lettuce off my arm that she had spit on me I leaned forward
and stared at my sister. “You aren’t telling me something,” I narrowed my eyes.

Liz shifted in her seat uncomfortably. I sat back and my eyes widened.

“A surprise party?” I screamed causing people to stare. I lowered my voice. “I told her,
no parties.”

“Well, you know your friends,” Liz said. “They love you too much to let you not have a
party.”

I shook my head and crossed my arms, “I hate surprises.”



We pulled up to my house about an hour later. Cars lined the street, belonging to my
friends from school. Before Liz had even had time to turn off the engine, I was out of
the car headed for the door. Caitlin met me on the porch. I clenched my fists.

“I thought I said no parties,” I fumed.

“I know,” my best friend replied, “but something happened.”

I froze staring at her. “What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well,” she started, “Anthony thought it would be fun to play one of your guitars and
he was running down the stairs too fast, and…well…”

I grabbed Caitlin’s shoulders, “What happened to my guitar?”

I didn’t give her a chance to answer before I pushed past her and into the house. No
one was in the kitchen or hallway but the minute I turned the corner into the living
room the whole house erupted with cheering.

“Surprise!” All my friends yelled.

I jumped, startled from the noise then looked around. We have a very small school
with only about twenty-two people in the whole twelfth grade so the entire senior class
fit in my living room. A big defeated smile spread across my face and I shook my
head.

“This is ridiculous!” I yelled as my friends crowded around me clapping and laughing.

“Happy birthday, Alie!” Jadon and Heather screamed and wrapped their arms around
me.

The rest followed their example and dog piled on top of me.

“Wait!” I yelled laughing from the bottom of the pile.

They all got off.

“Was Caitlin joking about my guitar?” I asked now completely serious. My eyes fell
on my best friend.

She tucked a strand of her blond hair behind her ear and glanced at Anthony. He
grabbed Brandon’s arm and the two disappeared into the media room. Everyone was
completely silent. My heart pounded in my chest as I pictured my most prized
Washburn acoustic guitar reduced to splinters. Seconds later the boys emerged from
the media room. When I saw what they were carrying, tears rimmed my eyes. The
two set it down in front of me.

“Happy birthday, Alie,” Anthony said smiling.

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t take my eyes off of my present. The wood was light and
polished. The body, sleek and shiny. I picked it up off of the stand, light as a feather,
and held it across my lap. With a childish gleam in my eye, I strummed all twelve
strings producing a full, clean sound. “Ooh”s and “aah”s rose up from around me.

“How did you do this?” I asked running my hand up and down the neck.

“We pooled our money,” Jessica explained from behind me. I shook my head in
disbelief as I stared at my brand new Sierra Alpine Acoustic Electric twelve-string
guitar.

“You guys are crazy,” I said, “These things are easily three hundred dollars.”

“Your parents chipped in,” Amanda said sitting down beside me.

“A lot,” Brandon added.

We all laughed. I was about to ask where my parents were, when I heard my dad’s
voice just around the corner. Seconds later he came in carrying a flame birthday
cake. Mom followed holding the video camera up to her face.



Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Alie,

Happy birthday to you.



“Make a wish, honey,” Mom said to me from behind the camera.

I smiled then bit my lip as I thought about what I wanted to wish for. I couldn’t really
think of anything. I already had all I could have wished for, so I just blew out my
candles and everyone cheered.



The party went on into the night. My brother came home from Seattle about half an
hour before my friends left so he and I played a few songs using his acoustic and my
new twelve-string.

Finally, around midnight the last of my friends said goodbye. Caitlin was the last to
leave. She stayed to help clean up. I followed her to the door and gave her a huge hug.

“Thanks for everything, Cait,” I said to her.

Caitlin laughed. “Let’s do this again next year.”

I looked at her, “Just because I had fun doesn’t mean I want another surprise party,”
then I smiled, “but I wouldn’t mind another guitar.”

Both of us laughed at that.

“You already have six now, Alie,” she said to me.

“You can never have enough guitars,” I replied and winked.

Caitlin giggled again then walked out the door and shut it behind her. Without a
second to lose I jogged back into the living room to play my guitar. But Collin had
already beaten me to it.

“This is awesome,” he said to me.

I sat down on the back of the couch. “I know, I have good friends,” I laughed.

“Lucky,” Collin muttered then grinned at me. “So, excited about the concert
tomorrow?”

“Uh, Collin, it’s Jason Mraz. I would have to be retarded not to be excited about
seeing him,” I smiled.

We didn’t go to sleep that night. We just stayed up playing guitar then the next day
when we were getting ready to go to Portland we stopped at Starbucks and got coffee.



There were so many people packed in the little lounge in Portland. Collin and I had to
squeeze and push our way through to get to a good spot but eventually we got
situated. The concert was awesome. My brother and I had been listening to Jason
Mraz on the way down so we knew every word and sang along the whole time. After
the concert we stopped at Taco Bell and I managed to persuade my brother into
letting me drive his new car. It was a stick shift, which I had only actually attempted
to drive once, so I was nervous.

Everything was fine until we got back into Longview. I only killed the car once. But
then…I could have sworn I could make it through that light. Apparently the semi
coming from the side street didn’t see me and he hit the car on the passenger side. I
think I remember getting hit more than once actually. By the time the car had stopped
spinning I was almost completely unconscious. Before I passed out though, I
remember looking over at Collin and seeing a lot of blood.

I went in and out of consciousness after that. I remember hearing my parents’ voices
and some doctors saying something about internal bleeding and performing a surgery
that could possibly kill me. Then that was it.





The Beach



“What about your brother?” Nathan asks Alie.

She shrugs, “I think he died right on impact.” Then her eyes drop to the ground and
she’s silent.

“I’m sorry, Alie,” Dylan says and puts his hand on her knee.

Alie just smiles weakly and wipes a tear away as it runs down her cheek. “It’s alright,”
she says. “I know he’s in Heaven waiting for me.”

Somehow a chuckle escapes my throat. Every eye turns to me. I freeze and clasp
my hands together.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

“Where’s Sasha?” Alie asks taking her attention off of me.

“She left while you were telling your story,” Nathan replies standing back up and
rubbing his eyes.

“So now it’s just the four of us,” Dylan says, “and we still don’t know what this place
is.”

Alie looks at Nathan, “What were you thinking earlier?” she asks him.

He shrugs.

“No, what was your theory? You said you had a theory before Sasha stopped you.”

Nathan sits back down and rubs his hands together, “I know this sounds kind of
stupid, but…what if this is a place like…in between Earth and Heaven or Hell.”

“Between life and death?” Dylan asks.

Nathan nods, “Uh huh. Kind of like…Limbo.”

“But don’t Catholics believe in Limbo?” I ask quietly.

“Well, yeah but just because Christians don’t exactly believe in the same thing
doesn’t mean it’s not real,” Dylan replies biting his lip.

“I think Nathan’s got something there,” Alie says and stands up. “I mean, judging by
all our stories, we should be dead.”

“What if…” Dylan starts and stands up too, “What if the four of us aren’t dead yet?”

Nathan stands and joins the other two, “So when Jackson and Gray and Sasha ran off
into the fog-”

“And don’t forget that one girl who ran past us earlier,” Alie adds.

“Yeah, when all of them ran out into the fog, do you think that meant that their bodies
had finally died on Earth?” he asks looking anxiously at all three of us.

A big smile appears on Alie’s face, “I think you got it, Nathan,” she says then turns to
look out in the direction of the water. “Gray said that the fog had disappeared when he
looked out there,” she turns back to look at us, “think that’s what happened to all of
them?”

“What was out there that made them want to leave so badly though?” Dylan asks her,
“That girl that ran past us was running like she had won the lottery and was going to
claim her prize.”

“But Gray had said that there was someone out there,” Nathan says.

I just sit in the same spot I had been sitting in since I got here and watch the three of
them.

“What if it was Jesus?” Dylan smiles widely. “Maybe they all saw Jesus out there in the water and that’s why they left.”

Alie smiles. “As far as I could tell they all were Christians.”

Dylan and Nathan nod.

“So then this, Limbo?” Dylan looks at Nathan then back at us, “This is like a waiting
room before we enter Heaven.”

“Oh brother,” I mutter rolling my eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

Dylan, Nathan and Alie all look at me.

“What is it, Cody?” Alie asks crossing her arms.

“That’s just too stupid to believe,” I reply narrowing my eyes, “A waiting room to get to
Heaven? What if not all of us believe in that?”

The three of them exchange glances then look back at me.

Alie steps forward, “What do you believe, Cody?”

I just look at the ground. My heart begins thumping quickly in my chest.

“We haven’t heard how you got here yet,” Nathan says pushing his sleeves up.

Dylan walks over and squats down in front of me. His eyes search mine for some sort
of answer, “What happened?”

A cold sweat breaks out on my forehead. I hate public speaking.





Cody



It happened four days ago. Or at least I think it did. I don’t really know. But I was with
my dad. Jaime was out shopping for school supplies with Mom. He was starting third
grade. I was going to be a senior. But I had already gotten all my stuff.

We were on our way home from some conference at our church. I don’t really
remember what the speaker had been talking about. Wasn’t really paying attention. I
don’t like sitting for an hour and listening to someone talk. Anyway, Dad did like that
kind of thing and he had asked me to go with him. He was my best friend. I couldn’t
say no to him.

Afterwards he couldn’t stop going on about how great this guy was. He told me that
he was proud of me for going with him and sitting though it. He asked me if I had
learned anything. I shrugged. He told me what he had learned. Somehow we got into
a deep discussion about God and all that.

When we got back home it was dark outside. Mom and Jaime still weren’t back yet.
We spent an hour sitting outside in the truck just talking. Dad told me that he had
been praying for me. He wanted me to become a Christian. I said I didn’t know how.
So he walked me through it. Nothing seemed different. I still felt the same. But I didn’t
say that. Didn’t want to upset Dad. I still remember the huge smile he had on his face.

We got out of the truck after that and headed up the steps onto the porch. Something
wasn’t right. We could both tell. The door looked all banged up like someone had tried
to kick it in. Dad looked at me. Then he touched the knob and turned it. The door was
unlocked. He told me to stay were I was. Then he went inside and shut the door
behind him. After a couple of minutes Dad hadn’t come back out so I went in after
him. The whole house was dark and silent. I called out to Dad. He didn’t answer me
but a loud noise came from upstairs. I heard a crash and then thumping like running
footsteps on the stairs. I went into the living room. Two guys were coming down. One
with a backpack and the other had a flashlight. I guess I scared them or something.
One of them shined the flashlight on my face. Just then I heard my dad yell my name
from somewhere behind me. I got shoved over so hard that my head hit the ground
with a loud crack and I was out.

When I opened my eyes I wasn’t at home anymore. I was in the hospital. Mom was
asleep on the chair. Or I guess she wasn’t cuz she opened her eyes when I asked
where Dad was. She told me that he had been shot and killed. Then she started
crying. I never cried though.

I got out of the hospital the same night. They gave me some anti-depressants. I never
took them though. The next day was the first day of school but I didn’t go. I didn’t
really leave my room except to go to Dad’s funeral. Like I said before, I don’t like
sitting and listening to people talk. The whole time the pastor talked about how good
God was. I finally got up and went outside. It made me sick listening to this. If God
was so good, why did he let my dad die? He took my best friend. I deserved it though,
I guess. I mean, I thought I could trust Him. I thought He wanted me to believe in him.
Apparently I was wrong.  No surprise there. I’m wrong about a lot of things.

Anyway, when the whole service thing was over we headed home. People followed us
from the church to our house. They wouldn’t leave me alone. So I went to my room
and locked the door. I didn’t cry. All I wanted to do was sleep. Really, I wanted to see
my dad. So I went into the bathroom, grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills and downed
the whole thing. Dry. Then I fell asleep.

When I got here I could hear my mom’s voice. Well, I could hear other things going on
around me too. I figured out I was in a hospital. But I wasn’t there, cuz I’m here. But
my dad isn’t here and he’s the one I was hoping to see. If there was a God, I would be
with my dad right now…





The Beach



Only after I’m done talking do I let my eyes leave the fire. Every single eye is on me.

“Oh, Cody,” Alie whispers.

I don’t look at her but I can hear her voice crack as she fights to hold back tears.

“Cody, God loves you so much,” she says.

“Then why did He kill my dad?” I mutter bitterly staring at my hands, “Why aren’t I
with him?”

“He didn’t kill him,” Dylan says to me.

I look up at him.

“Death entered the world when sin entered the world,” he continues, “if man had never
sinned, there would be no death.”

“I shouldn’t have been so stupid.” I shake my head. “If I hadn’t gone inside…”

“If you hadn’t gone inside,” Alie interrupts, “you probably never would have seen your
father again.”

“It’s not your fault, and it’s not God’s fault,” Nathan blurts out. “The two guys that
broke into your house shot him. It’s their fault.”

“But he’s not here!” I shout standing up, “My dad’s not here. Where is he?”

“In Heaven,” Nathan whispers.

We all look at him. I let out a chuckle.

“In heaven,” I mutter. “Now I know I’ll never see him.” I sit back down and hide my face
in my hands.

“Why do you say that, Cody?” Alie asks me putting her hand on my shoulder.

“How could God ever let me go to heaven after what I did?” I inquire and lift my head
up again. “After I acted like such a jerk at Dad’s funeral or when I took all those
sleeping pills. That was so selfish of me.” I say, “I wasn’t even thinking about Mom or
Jaime. I was only thinking about myself.”

Suddenly, Nathan gets up and walks out into the fog. The rest of us watch him then
the focus is back on me.

“Cody,” Alie says now with urgency in her voice, “I don’t know how much longer we
have before another one of us goes but I just want you to know that God would never
keep you out of heaven because of what you’ve done.”

Dylan stands up and Alie and I watch just waiting for him to leave but he walks over to
us instead and kneels down in front of me.

“No sin is too much for God.” He says to me. “If you really believe that God is real and
that He sent His son to die for our sins.” He starts, “you have nothing to worry about.”

I stare down at the ground as my heart begins to pound against my ribcage.

“But, I don’t know if I’m even doing it right,” I whisper.

I hear movement as my two new friends turn their heads to look at each other.

“Cody, do you truly believe in your heart that God is real?” Dylan asks me.

I hesitate for a second. Do I? I mean, obviously someone had to have created
everything. There’s no way I would ever consider the big bang theory.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” I reply.

“And do you believe that He sent His son, Jesus, to die for us and then come back
from the dead?”

I nod.

Dylan smiles then stands up and takes off his beanie.

“Then I’ll see you there,” he says and drops his beanie in the fire.

Alie and I watch as our friend inhales deeply then leaps out of the fog and disappears.
Complete silence.

Then the fire pops and we jump, startled. Somehow a laugh escapes my throat. Alie
looks at me then a smile appears on her face. The two of us start laughing and stand
up. For the first time in the longest time I feel completely light and carefree. As the
two of us are laughing I get up and circle the fire, looking at it from all different angles.
It has to be my imagination but I swear there is something in the fire.

I kneel down close. The flames don’t even feel hot anymore. In fact they feel
comfortably warm. Slowly, I reach my hand forward and into the flames. The fire
dances around my fingers slipping through the cracks like silk. Alie and her laughing
fade away behind me. All I can focus on is this fire.

“Cody!”

I gasp and jerk my head around as I snap out of my trance. Alie is gone. I stand up.
Who called my name?

“Cody!”

I don’t recognize the voice, but it sounds so familiar. I walk out to the border of the fog
and squint to see out past the gray but I can’t see anything.

“Cody!”

I take a cautious step forward and am suddenly engulfed in light so bright it blinds me
temporarily.





The Ocean



When I regained my sight I was staring up. The sky was so clear and dark that I
could see millions of stars and all the ghostly planets lined up from Mars to Pluto. I
sat up and looked around. I was still on the beach. Scared and confused I scrambled
to my feet and whipped around. The fire pit, where the giant bonfire had danced and
raged just seconds before, was now just blanketed with glowing coals. Blue smoke
curled up from the black wood into the sky.

The white sand stretched out to both my sides and disappeared into the distance. A
powerful wind blew in from the direction of the ocean. The breeze carried a voice to
my ear. A very faint voice. I recognized it immediately and the corners of my eyes
became damp and I closed them. The voice sang a sweet song. None like I had ever
heard before. If I had a thousand years to describe this music I wouldn’t be able to.
The words weren’t in any language I had ever heard. But I knew exactly what the voice
was saying.



Come to me, my weary child

And lay down your broken heart

For I will make you whole again.



As the tears freely slid down my face, cutting through the soot that coated my skin, I
turned slowly toward the ocean. My hands shook violently at my sides and my heart
throbbed loudly in my ears, but not overlapping the song still playing so softly. In the
pit of my stomach I knew what was out there. I kept my eyes closed as I faced the
ocean full on. The warm wind blew my hair back from my face and made the hair
stand up on my arms. With my eyes still closed I could sense someone standing in
front of me at the water’s edge. With a shaky sigh I very slowly opened my eyes to
see what was out there. My tear ducts exploded and my hands flew up to my mouth
to stifle the sob escaping from my throat. I fell to my knees still staring at the man
who was standing in the shallow water.

His arms were open out in front of him beckoning for me to come to him. His hair
whipped wildly around his face and even though I was so far away and tears blurred
my vision, I could tell he was smiling a warm and welcoming smile at me. My hands,
which still covered my face, were getting soggy with tears and snot as I continued to
sob into them. I hunched forward, my forehead now touching the sand. I felt so
completely broken and weak. I couldn’t even lift my head again when I heard the man
speak my name.

“Cody,” his voice said carried by the wind.

I let out another gasping sob. My heart hammered against my ribs in painful throbs.

“Get up and come to me, my child,” he said.

Somehow I was able to lift my head to look back out at this man. This man who I had
been so mad at, the one I had been avoiding for so long.

His arms opened wider and his long sleeves blew out behind him.

I managed to push myself back upright with my wobbling arms and I sat on my knees
trying not to hyperventilate. My stomach churned wildly like a hurricane and I started
swaying involuntarily from side to side. I thought I was passing out but suddenly my
vision cleared, my stomach settled and the swaying stopped. I felt, in a sense, like I
had just been plopped into the sand seconds before. A new kind of silence that I had
never experienced before filled my ears. The wind, the voice as well as the sound of
the waves lapping against the shore was suddenly muted and I sat there with a
renewed strength.

Carefully, I stood up and looked out at the man again. His hair and garment still
whipped around him by a wind I couldn’t feel. He opened his mouth again to speak.

“Come on, Cody. You can do it.” His voice was the wind, the waves and the singing
combined into one harmonious orchestra.

Clumsily, I ran toward the silvery waves where the man stood in the shallow water. I
knew he had been the one calling my name from out of the fog. Every few steps I
stumbled and finally I gave up getting up at all and crawled on my hands and knees.
Desperately. As I neared the man, His giant arms spread open like an eagle’s
beckoning me forward. Billowing, white sleeves hung down like wings and His golden
hair blew wildly in the wind. Still too far away to see His face, I began breathing so
hard.

<i>What’s going on?</i>

My mom’s voice echoed in my ear. I continued forward wanting nothing more than to
be scooped up in those giant arms and bury my face in His chest.

<i>Nurse! Oh, God, Cody…</i>

I felt her hand on my face.

<i>Cody?</i>

Jaime?

<i>Mom, what’s happening?

He’s not breathing. Cody, sweet boy, please…</i>

I heard the man call my name again. His voice was much clearer. So strong and
beautiful, like music.

“Come on, Cody,” He said. “You’re almost here.”

<i>Cody, just hold on.</i>

<i>His heart is still beating.

But he’s not breathing.

Mom, I’m scared.

I know, honey. Everything will be okay.</i>

My body felt so heavy. I was panting so hard. I wanted to get up. To run these last
few yards to this man. To my new father, but I collapsed.

<i>Cody? No, no, Cody. Come on.</i>

My mom sobbed.

“Run to me, Cody,” the man said.

Suddenly the weight was lifted from my body and I scrambled to my feet feeling
completely weightless. I bounded across the sand covering several feet with every
stride. Finally with one last push, I threw myself forward landing hard against the
man’s chest. His giant arms wrapped around me completely enveloping me in His
grasp. I laid there against Him and sobbed uncontrollably as the warm water sprayed
my dangling legs. I went completely limp in His arms and He held me against Him.
As if I was a newborn baby. In a sense, I was.

“Cody,” He said in His fatherly voice.

I let out another sob and lifted my head.

“My son, you are so precious to me.”

I felt so weak, so small and tired.

“I’ve been with you always. I was with you in your house when your father died. When
you thought you were completely alone that night you decided to end your life. I’ve
been with you every step of the way. I’ve never been away from you. And even though
you felt I could never love you, I have always loved you, my son,” He said, “And I
always will.”

Then He brought His hand up, supporting me with one arm and wiped away every one
of my tears.

“Are you…are you Jesus?” I whispered weakly.

He smiled. “I am.”

“Are we going to heaven?” I sounded naïve as a child.

“We are.”

<i>Mom, is he gone?</i>

My Father carried me into the warm silvery waves.

<i>Oh, Jaime</i>, my mom whimpered, <i>he’s with Jesus now.

And dad?</i> Jaime sobbed.

I felt the water climb up my legs as we descended into its depths, warm like liquid
paradise.

<i>Yes. And they’re both waiting for the day that we join them.</i>

And then as my Father carried me toward a brilliant shining light beneath the ocean’s
surface, I heard Jaime whisper, <i>And we’ll all be together again.</i>