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Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Relationship · #1553438
BBQ , the beginning (edited at last)
In the beginning, there was Man, a garden, plus animals. This place was called Paradise.

This was good, so it is written. Except - that one minor oversight. This is not documented, the story about the goat. That was not good.

In order to set things right, Woman was sent, made to serve Man, be his companion as well as his better Half. - Ga !

( A personal note;  After Woman was sent - it is not said, "That was good." Maybe a typo, I do it all the time, those - typo's. )

Here I will now rectify this: "That was good, really bloody good. Man - they are Pretty Good." 

Then the other 'issues' popped up. That was the end of Paradise. Man had to fend for himself taking with him his better Half as well as the offspring. 

This made news, it was written about. You can go, if you want to, read about it. Old news, but true non-the-less.

( A personal note; I wonder how many men would have kept the goat, leaving Woman behind. Just thinking. Should you doubt this story, think on this - how many men still say in a tender moment: "Yes my deer, I mean dear ... " )

                                                    BBQ part I

Man was the provider, fearless hunter, slowly evolving - finally he was modern Man.

Woman cooked, baked, made skin clothes, even had babies in her spare time. She was his 'Better Half' ... Man's, that is - in case you forgot.

Then came the BBQ.

A revolution in male - female relationship. A situation where the male of the species would assume the role of a female.

The BBQ is a Man-thing, a ritual performed by men. Big hairy men, cleaner leaner men. Men, in all societies where we have Men plus the BBQ.

Not only would he provide the food, He would prepare it. Doing it in a way no female would dare to. He would BBQ.

A BBQ (barbecue): The art of making a fire, singeing upon it all forms of animal, even vegetable, carcasses, eventually to be declared fit to be consumed.

A good BBQ Man is held in high esteem in his society.

Even the young will comment on this. An offspring that has to confess "My dad does not do bbq's", could suffer severe trauma as a result.
Having to hear the mother say "The next door Man is more of a Man than you are. He can BBQ."

Where did this start? When? When in all of man's development, the Woman made the food. Men did not.

No - they did not !

                                                  BBQ part II

When sun had gone to bed, around a campfire somewhere, this tale had been told. By a wise old man, who knows the tales of the days when ...

Men were Men. Long, long time ago.

Man was the hunter. The leader of these men - he was a 'Man among men'. He took no bull from no-one. He lived in the biggest, best cave that there was. He could flatten a dinosaur with his latest model stone-age-ax, climb up to the highest fruit in the tallest tree.

An all-round Man, Man among men was he!

UG was his name ... his name was UG.

Needless to say, yet it has to be said, his Woman was the ' Woman among women '.

Could prepare a mean dino-potroast, even a stew that had all the men drooling when the neighbors were invited over for a meal ( not so sure if it was the meal or the hostess ). She could brew berry beer, potent as can be, The Berry beer  - a man's drink !  Also, there were kids by the dozen, a prolific asset was she.

Man's Woman was she, Woman among women.                                   

OG was her name ... her name was OG.

One Saturday morning, OG kicked UG in the ribs, a verbal communication ( it was in sort of English .... )

" You drunken sot, you try that again and * * * * * there is no food or drink in this cave * * * * you drank it all * * * * * you an' your drunken mates * * * *
go an' get some food ..... etc,etc ...."

OG was not verbally handicapped at all.

UG begged for some ' hair o' the dog ' to ease his almighty thirst. OG told him ( we had to close the kids ears here, so we do not know what OG said. )

UG slunk out of the cave, carrying his latest model stone-age-ax, also a very heavy head.

UG was upset, not only was his head pounding like he wished it was some-one else's head, he knew he was wrong. He had behaved himself badly the night before ( UG never ever spoke about it, neither did OG ). UG felt he had to make up.

So the biggest, meanest dino got it. UG dragged his prize home, feeling a bit better about UG-self.

UG got home where a coldish shoulder greeted him, a fresh beer was given, his smile-about-to-be wiped off his face.

.... " you invited your friends ... again ... well, there's the beer an' you see about food .... I have a headache ... blah,blah,blah ..."

That has been heard before, no need to repeat it.

UG looked the dino in the eye.

Now what?

Well, he was the 'Man among men'. After being helped by a good measure of the 'The Berrybeer' he had a plan.

The latest model stone-age-ax went into action. The dino was sorted out, all the kids looked on in awe, as their Dad solved the ails of the world.
In wonderment the kids witnessed a new, wonderful way. Why had their Mom not thought of this?
No, this was the thoughts of the ' Man among men'. UG stood back, looking at his handiwork, pleased with himself.

One of the kids ran into the cave to call their Mom.
Mom came out of the cave, gave one look, turned around back into the cave. (  It was rumored that OG laughed for three days, each time she saw UG  ) the kids knew, their Dad could make their Mom happy.

UG had chopped down two medium sized trees - each with a forked limb. A long pole, which went in the one side of the dino and out the other, rested onto the ' Y ' forms of the trees. UG lit a massive fire underneath the dino carcass, he stood back, looked at all, and was very pleased with UG-self.

As all BBQ men know, the wind will always blow in your direction, no matter where you stand next to a BBQ fire.
UG did not know this yet, so,  with ' The Berrybeer ' in hand, UG , followed by the wind, turned the dino carcass, to be roasted to perfection.

( The term: 'Perfection' is used in the sense that it will be perfect  'in eye of the beholder' i.e. the BBQ-er. No arguments. )

The friends started to arrive, amazement, not a snigger

( try it )

'The Berrybeer' did the rounds. Eventually, under suppressed sniggers, Number Two got the courage to speak.

"Now UG, what is THIS?"

UG, knowing full well that his reputation as 'Man amongst men' was at stake, he declared in a solemn voice, slurring his words ever so slightly   

"You men don't know what you are missing in life, not until you have done a dino over the fire."

And they swallowed it, 'hook, line and sinker.'

Stupid MEN.

One can tell them anything, but first, a good helping  of 'The Berrybeer' helps.

You too, can swallow this if you want, there is no reason to think -

"This is not so."   




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