The Zombie Butler

John Johnson, proprietor of the state, comes out of a buisness meeting with the mayor of New Moscow. He hops into his new Falcon XR30 hover-car limo.
"Some tea sir?" Asked the zombie butler, in his yorkshire accent.
"No thankyou Charles. Andrew, to the graveyard if you will, the mayor requested that I get him a new zombie butler, his last one accidently walked out the window. Some kid let off a fire exstinguisher. They never did find his head." Told John to his skeleton chauffer.
"Right-o boss, to the graveyard it is, we'll get them commie's, those bloody zombies, thinking they're better than us, we'll show 'em who's boss any day, any time of the day." Replied Andrew.
"Calm down Andrew, there's no need for this illusionment." Said Charles.
"Shutup Charles, if da boss weren't 'ere I'd drive this limo right into a building I would, learn you something shockin' it would commie."
"It wouldn't shock me at all, I'm already dead in case you hadn't realised, which apparently you haven't".
"Haven't realised you're dead have I, I'm deader than you are, I'm just bones and spirit mate-e-o."
"Get to the goddamn graveyard already." Commanded John.
"Sorry boss, dis zombie thinks he's better than us skeletons though." Replied Andrew.
"I know already, you've told me five-hundred times this week."
"Well don't blame me he started it every single time boss." Said Charles.
"Just hurry up and get to the graveyard, if you're lucky I might let you rob some graves Andy."
"Awesome boss, we'll be there five minutes ago, won't be held up by these zombie commie's any longer." Said Andrew, as he gunned the engine, sending them flying towards the graveyard.

"We're at the graveyard now boss. By the way, did they ever find the kid who let off that fire extinguisher?" Laughed the skeleton
"Yeah, some kid called Tim, they sent him to the mines." Replied John.
"He won't last long in da mines boss, he'll be back in no time, hopefully as a skeleton, better than some commie zombie." Laughed Andrew, quite racistly.
"Oh do shutup Andrew, you do tend to ramble on so." Said Charles, quite Englishly.
"Come on boys, gotta find ourselves a corpse, the mayor wants one called Napoleon. Andrew get the shovels." Said John.
"Right-e-o boss, we'll dig that zombie up somethin' shockin we will." Said Andrew.
"As opposed to what? Digging it down? " Said Charles.
"Come on, hurry up, this zombie won't dig itself out boys." Said John.
"Why of course sir, come along now Andrew, we must dig up one of my brothers." Laughed Charles
"Oh yes, just a few more, not long to go now, Oh my yesss." Charles muttered, quite maniacly
"What was that Charles?" Asked John.
"Oh nothing boss, it shall just be good to have another zombie around, after the unfortunate incident with poor Randy, I just wish I could see his face one last time, but they never did find his head." Said Charles.
"Oh come on Charles, soon you'll be getting another zombie friend, atleast it'll take some of my abuse off you" Laughed Andrew.
"Come along now boys, got some graves to loot we do, ah grave robbing, my favourite past-time." Sighed John.
"Agreed boss, I don't mind the occasional robbing of graves." Laughed Andrew.
"Oh my, how did it come to this?" Said Charles, as he sadly shook his head.
"Come on Charles, if we didn't like robbing graves so much you'd still be dead, rottin' in that tomb we pulled you from mate." Said Andrew.
"And I thank you, I thank you every day, bastard." Said Charles.
"Come on mate, ya woudn'ta got ta meet me or da boss." Said Andrew.
"Must you keep pointing out the worst and only bits of my existence." Muttered Charles.
"Aye, 'eres one dat says Napoleon!" Yelled out Andrew.
"Calm down now Andrew, wait, that says Barishnakov, can't you read idiot?" Asked Charles.
"I have no eyes remember matey, I can't see." Said Andrew.
"Then how'd you drive the limo here?" Asked Charles, looking at Andrew worriedly.
"What limo? There's a limo now? I'm a skeleton, I don't remember 'alf o' my life, can't expect me to remember some random limo trip I supposedly took now can ye?" Asked Andrew.
"But you...Oh nevermind, just find Napoleon will you." Sighed Charles.
"Sure thing Charlesy boy, lets keep lookin' 'den shall we?"
"Hey bastards, I found Napoleon, bring those shovels and get over here." Yelled John.
"Alrighty then, lets dig 'im up Charles." Grinned Andrew.

10 minutes later

"Weren't we sposed to be diggin' something?" Asked Andrew.
"Oh god." Sighed Charles. " No wonder the hole's so small."
"Aye, what is John doing?" Asked Andrew.
"Mm, grave robbing, yes, rob them all I say, get the loot, get all of it, for me, now." Muttered John, as he stared into the distance with a blank expression on his face.
"Oy John, we're meant to be digging here mate." Said Andrew.
"What, oh yes, digging, of course, yes, yes I say, of course now." Said John as he started digging, looking around suspiciously.
Charles just shook his zombie head sadly for the second time.

15 minutes later

"Here we go, its all open, aye is 'dis Napoleon Bonaparte? His bones appear to be all together, just like mine." Said Andrew, as he looked at his bones he gave a start of surprise."Wait a second, where the hell are my arms?"
"But you just had your arms, to dig open the grave, didn't you?" Asked Charles.
"Shovel, grave? What you talking about Charles?" Asked Andrew.
"Wait, but...Oh god." Said Charles, as he shook his head sadly, once again.
"Hang on, I didn't say anything about a shovel Andrew." Said Charles suspiciously.
"Shovel? What are you talkin' about Charles?" Said Andrew.
Charles just shook his head sadly, for the fourth time.
"Hang on, where's John?" Asked Andrew.
"I don't know." Answered Charles, "Wait, there he is, in the grave, what's he doing down there?"
"Mine, it's all mine, mine I tell you, MINE, I want it all, it's all mine." Hissed John, as he held the bones and loot tightly to his chest.
And for the fifth time, Charles just shook his head sadly.

To be continued...Maybe...