I TRY TO UNDERSTAND

I TRY TO UNDERSTAND
The child he was, the man he has become -

I grew up in a family of alcoholics, not really an easy life
but I didn't understand how much they affected my mother.
Late in my life, I also experience perhaps a little bit of what
she felt, how her heart was broken one time after another.

The golden liquid swirls in his bottle, as he takes time
to empty another, then another, until the teardrops start,
from the depths of his delusion, the pain he feels is real.
He continues to shorten his life and it breaks my heart.

The poison is there, he is not the same person he was
and it is leading him away from the dreams he wanted;
every drink is an unsteady step away from his true self,
he walks and talks like a man who is truly haunted.

I try to understand, yet I am not happy with this man
who makes his own troubles and battles unknown fear.
What drives him to seek escape? He doesn't realize
that in the end he will lose everything he holds dear.

My thoughts raging, his drinking leads to my depression
as he sinks deeper into oblivion, there is no way I can
reach him, my prayers seem to go unanswered now
and I try to understand what it takes to save a man.

Confrontation doesn't work, my "words to the wise"
fall on deaf ears, he is in no mood to listen to me.
Sometimes when mothers have to pick up the pieces,
they quietly long for the end to come, to be set free.

A child who has fought all the way through his life,
looking at his view of the world as a half-filled cup.
I try to understand what happened to this little boy.
He looks at me and says "Life happened, I grew up!"

Countrymom
5/24/09