A Mirror's Reflection

    I awoke at exactly 11 a.m. with a dazed sense of awareness. Last night was the first time I had even touched alcohol in almost 2 months, but that didn't matter since I had drank like 2 months worth throughout the night. My head had such a sharp and heavy pain that was so unbearable it took all I had just to keep from scraping off the skin from the top of my head. It's not dulling. The pain isn't dulling, every fucking moment that goes by brings more intense and jagged needles into the essence of my individuality, my sanity.

    What is the cause of my gullible weakness to my current desires, unable to think of the consequences that are only a mere few hours ahead of me? Is this behavior, and even the entire development of these self destructive antidepressants, just a reflection of mankind's inability to be independent from their parent's invasive and controlling embrace?

    How can the influence of few have such strong effects on the actions of others? I mean, maybe no one truly has influence over someone, but just act as a catalyst of their true nature. How can anyone be so quick to blame the source of the world's problems, whether it be the mind blocking noise of the metal genre or evasiveness of public schools. Even the excessive use of the color red or showing too much of a woman's skin in those movies we can't wait to see when we turn 18, are they all not just showing us what we want to see? Our deepest desires seem to be nothing more than talking about death, darkness, the horrors of life. We don't want the schools getting involved with our lives, taking control and holding us back a year because we made a bunch of foolish mistakes. We want to see all that blood spray across the screen and we don't care if it represents evil because that's just who we are.

    Through these thoughts I have concluded that there is nothing wrong with me, there is something wrong with humanity. No single person makes a mistake, we create problems as a society, and through our lethargy and procrastination we can't change anything. I will not blame music, I will not blame the schools. I will not blame the movies, and I will not blame my parents. I blame the world.