Awake in the Age of Lizards

Bizarro flash fiction submitted to a magazine

Awake in the Age of Lizards

"Listen, my children, for a word from the Penultimate Book of Gwen'cher..."As the faithful wandered far from their cities, it came to pass that there was a great rumbling, which led to a great rubbing-the-grit-from-their-eyes, which led to screams of anguish.  When the noise died down, the faithful looked out upon the land and found it populated with large bipedal lizards.

Each lizard wore a suit, but not all were silky white leisure suits.  Verily, some wore suede or seersucker, and there were a few wearing leather suits.  The lizards walked about like men, and talked amongst themselves in an incomprehensible tongue.

The faithful were sore afraid and flagellated themselves with thorn-covered rose branches, but the lizards paid no heed.  Lamenting their fate, the faithful walked across hot coals, but the lizards did nothing except cringe at the horrid burning-flesh smell.

Fearing a loss of faith amongst the faithful, Tommy Gwen'cher stood and spoke to them, encouraging greater flagellation and faster walking across coals, but the faithful started to edge toward the exits.

"I will not be swayed by the shifty-eyed or the meekly acquiescent," he declared, and brandished an AK-47 assault rifle.

The faithful gathered around him, much impressed by this blatant display of weaponry.  Tommy Gwen'cher handed out sub-machine guns and grenade launchers, and the faithful wiped the grins off the faces of the lizards, and laid waste with abandon.

Weary from their labors and drunk upon the victory which was theirs, the faithful dozed and were unaware.

Alone, facing his God and his conscience, Tommy Gwen'cher walked among the bodies of the slain.  His eyes were opened, and he saw that the lizards had been going about their business quite harmlessly.  Tears flowing down his cheeks, he looked to the sky and begged for answers, but there was no message written in the heavens.  The clouds formed no symbols that his mind could interpret.

Turning his eyes from the sky, Tommy Gwen'cher searched the earth for wisdom.  At first, he saw nothing, but he continued to search.  Finally, his eyes rested upon an ant hill.  As he watched, a coconut fell from an overhanging palm tree and landed on the ant hill, scattering it and crushing many of the workers.

In its fall, the coconut had cracked.  Tommy Gwen'cher watched as the ants swarmed over the coconut, invading its recesses and supping on the succulent milk within.

"We are doomed," Tommy Gwen'cher cried to the faithful.

The faithful gathered around, and he told them of his vision, but their minds were clouded and they did not understand.

"How can we be doomed when we have vanquished the foe?" asked one.

"Under what authority do you claim the knowledge of our future?" asked another.

The questions continued until the faithful fought amongst themselves to be heard.  Each was louder and more challenging than the last.  Tommy Gwen'cher could not be heard over the tumult, though he tried mightily to reason with them.

As he listened to the din, Tommy Gwen'cher looked back to the coconut and saw an anteater digging out the ants from the crevices of the coconut.  He smiled, and then laughed out loud.

Eager to avoid years in the wilderness, Tommy Gwen'cher slipped each of the faithful a Rohypnol, which they took readily in their distraction.  He gave the very last to a small man with a pleading look in his eye, but only then realized that he was alone with the dead lizards and the sleeping faithful.

For forty years the lizards lay dead, but not decomposing, and the faithful lay asleep, but not dreaming.  Tommy Gwen'cher walked among them every day and wondered at the miracle.

At last, the clouds parted one day and the sun shone down, and God spoke to Tommy Gwen'cher.

"Since you have waited and watched over my children for forty years, it shall be your burden to lead them forth to establish a new kingdom on Earth.  Yet, beware the lesson of the coconut and be ever vigilant."

Tommy Gwen'cher watched with awe as the sleeping faithful rose up awake, and the dead lizards dissolved into a vapor and rose to the sky.  He marveled as the vapor became a vast uneven contrail which spelled out words in a language he could not read.  When the vapor at last dissipated, he gathered the faithful around him and led them out of the wilderness.

"Thus ends our reading.  May the bright light of its words urge you to greater vigilance."

Wearily, the preacher stumbled down from the pulpit and sat in his chair, waiting for the interminable service to end.  He wore a gray pinstripe suit, but none of the parishioners noticed. 

In their languor and ennui, neither the preacher nor the parishioners saw the beady eyes which gazed in through the stained glass windows.  They did not hear the whistle of whip-like tails in the air, nor the swishing of reptilian feet across the marble floor.