Mr. Right

    June 6, 2007   
         
        Mom, Barb, Dawn+Andrea just left. I cried. I missed them+home
    so much, but feel so out of place with them at times. I feel as my own
    issues are going to make me miss out on a lot of amazing times with the
    best people on earth; my family.
          I'm in a funk(again)but really feel as though I need to do something
    in order to get out of my own way. I'm tired of spinning my wheels, while
    life drives bye me.
          We saw Patrick this weekend and mom balled her eyes out when
    she saw him. I felt horrible. If there is anything that I feel the most empowered
    by right now its that I'm so tired of being sad+feeling sorry for myself.
    Bill's here got to run.

    June 19, 2007

        So something dawned on me 2 seconds ago. I don't think that I have
    done a good job of conveying all of the reasons why I want to live here
    instead of at home. It's always been explained to me+from me as,
    "Move back to be closer to the family."
        Being here is so much more to me than that. Being here is where I'm
    suppose to be. Great things will happen to me here. Mr. Right, great house,
    happiness, kids, success will come to me here, not there. It's even as small
    as saving myself from the frustration of traffic, huge mega malls, "Joneses"
    and nature. This is something that I have known for a very long time-since
    childhood. I just can't figure out how to convey that to my friends and family.
    I too, need to be reminded on a regular basis. Hell, I need to be reminded
    about a lot on a regular basis, most importantly, who I am+what I believe in.
    I feel almost as if I've been in a daze for all of my 20's. I'm just waking up
    again. I just hope that I don't get sick. Life is becoming me for I am
    becoming it. I have different priorities and visions for my life than most and I'd
    like to keep it that way.


    =+=