Of Poets, Prophets and Kings (Week 5)

Of Poets, Prophets, and Kings

A
poet
weaves the truth,
with words devised
to warn the guarded king.  A prophet sings

lamentations, and prays while facing death,
for one last breath
for the king
afraid
of

change.
Monarchs
fear poets,
and prophets whose
words ignite hope and desire to be free.

Words freed cannot retreat, nor dreams abate.
Hope fills in eyes
once dimmed by
lies of
State.




2-1-2011
SWPoet



Dictionary of terms (although sometimes we know, we aren't positive.
PS I had to look it up to make sure I was using the word correctly
so I'll give the reader the same courtesy):

Lamentation: to express grief or sorrow about something
a work lamenting death: a song or poem of mourning
abate: To lessen, diminish.

Tetractys: 1,2,3,4,10 syllables per line
Quadruple Tetractys: (syllables per line)
1,2,3,4,10,10,4,3,2,1,1,2,3,4,10, 10,4,3,2,1

Below are previous versions (kept for poet's reference only but I have written reasons I have for changes I made
if it helps show the process of editing poetry).  If reviewing, please use the top version but if you'd like to
compare or comment on improvements or lack thereof from one version to another, feel free.
I welcome any suggestions. )


Of Poets, Prophets, and Kings

A
poet
weaves the truth
in velum veils  (looked it up and a synonym for velum is veil.  A bit redundant so I changed it)
to clothe the naked king.  A prophet sings  (and why would a poet's words "cover" up a naked king-the goal is to expose not cover)

lamentations for numb ones fearing death.  (numb ones sounds like dumb ones and I thought of the lost as those numbed by the status quo)
And one last breath
for the king
afraid
of

change.
Kingdoms
??? (skipped a 3 syllable line-wanted to show similarity between Poets and Prophets anyway so I got extra syllables to do so)
shun the poets,
fearing hopeful words might spark man's passion.  (I just wasn't happy with the abrupt sounds of the consonents (Spark man's passion")

But poets’ words won’t flee, nor souls abate. (abate means to lessen or diminish and it didn't make sense that the souls abate or don't abate)
Hope fills in eyes                                                    (rather, the souls ? passions, dreams, etc can abate but not the souls themselves)
once dimmed by
lies of
state.  (I capitalized this because it refers to a country's administration, kingdom, or as in "Secretary of State"





Below-Original version.  Needed some work and really needed an extra stanza to get the point across.
See top version for final reviews.

Poets, Prophets and Kings

A
poet
weaving truth
into see-through
veils to clothe the naked king.  Prophets sing

a song of grief for numb ones fearing death.
And one last breath
for the king
afraid
of

change.
And much
the same are
death and change, or
Poet’s unveiling words and prophet’s dirge.



SWPoet