On The Blood-Red Hill

On The Blood-Red Hill

I walk alone
Up the blood-red hill.
As I reach the top,
I see You there
Nailed to the cross.
To me, it is raining.
And with each swing of the hammer,
Raindrops turn red
With blood.
You scream in agony.
I scream as well.
You turn Your head back and forth,
Writhing with the pain.
With each turn of Your head,
I see…
My mother, father, sister, brother,
Husband, child, friend.
Each person I’ve ever
Forced up there with You.
Each person I’ve lied to,
Or cheated,
Or hurt.
Each person I’ve hated,
If only for a moment.
All the rain is red now,
Each drop is like blood.
My eyes see only red.
And then I realize
Why my screaming is
As loud as Yours.
I am there beside You,
Crucified as well.
Dear Lord, I scream,
Help me!
Save me!
Forgive me!
But why? He asks,
When you would not help yourself,
Or save yourself,
Or forgive yourself.
Why, when you would not
Forgive me?
Asks my mother, father,
Sister, brother,
Husband, child,
Friend.
Dear God, I plead,
Please!
I am sorry!
You do not need to be sorry,
You only need to forgive.
But how, I ask,
As the bloody downpour
Intensifies.
Begin with love, He tells me.
So, I try through my pain.
I try through my tears.
I try through the rain.
I try through the blood.
And slowly I see
My mother, father, sister, brother,
Husband, child, friend
Come down from that cross.
But He and I are still there.
Now, Jesus whispers,
Let them go and love yourself.
I can’t, I cry.
You must, He says.
And so, ever so slowly
I let them turn away.
One by one, till all are gone.
I send them all with love.
And then we are all alone,
He and I.
Now you must forgive yourself,
He whispers again.
I don’t know how,
I whisper back.
Begin with love,
Again He tells me.
And so I try.
And slowly the raindrops
Turn clear again.
Slowly the clouds
Begin to part.
Suddenly I realize
That I am no longer
On that cross.
But my Lord still is.
But why, I despair.
I must be, He answers.
If I were not,
They would be left alone.
And as I look behind me,
I see them.
Millions, all of humanity,
Each carrying their own cross,
Their own nails,
Their own hammer.
Crucified and crucifier,
All in one.
Walking for their turn
On the blood-red hill.
No, there must be another way!
There cannot be, He answers.
For this is the only way
That they will learn
To love.
I must stay
So that they can be free.
Now go, He whispers,
And remember just how much
I love you.
So slowly I turn away,
Just as someone else
Reaches the top.
And as I walk down the blood-red hill,
It begins again.
Raindrops turning red,
With blood.
But as I walk down, this time
The raindrops wash me clean.
And I remember again
His words,
Begin with love.
Begin with love.
I will, I whisper,
I will.