The love that never came

I found out the hard way that a long distance, unrequited First love, is the hardest one to forget.



(Background info: I love in the states, my first love lives in Mexico. I've always gone to the same place in mexico, its where, my dad was from and where He was from too. Every november we go there for the festival that goes on for 3 days. I've know him for years, but I never really spoke with him and he is 4 years older than me.)



(For the sake of protecting identities mention I wont say any names)



         It all started when I was 14 and he was 18, I never really ever paid him much attention and he never really paid any to me either. Here back at home, I never had a large amount of guy friends, some were acquaintances but never really friends. So it could have been the fact that here was this guy talking with me so casually acting like we've alwasy been friends, or it could have been  that I was subconsciously into him without knowing it. We played some game and talked a bit, but in those few minutes I felt the beginnings of a love, whick I had never had before. Nothing happened though, I was 14 and I knew that I was too young to feel anything remotely close to love, to do anything about it (although my mature personality was way beyond my years).  I was 14.



         After we came back home, the memories of his sweet attitude towards me, began to grow stronger and I didn't know why. This continued for a while until I had a revelation "Is it possible that im in love with thim?" As soon as those words came out of my mouth I knew that they were true and that I had in fact fallen in love (the whole situation felt like the song 'Ever fallen In Love - by The Stiff Dylans)



         But like always, time never slowed down and one year later I found myself in the same town. But this time I was out to "confirm my feelings" and get "closure", little did I know that i'd get nothing of that sort. I got there and instantly my eyes began to search for him. I began to think that he had left this town and I was getting very depressed by that thought. But then the next moment I saw him and my heart felt like it jumped out of my chest and as cheesy and stupid as this may sound, it really did feel like time had stopped for a second. I walked around the plaza and made it seem like I had found him without knowing all the while knowing that I wanted to see him. His body language and everything else about him gave me the impression that he might have felt something for me too. On the decond to last day that we would be there, I did the boldes thing my life has ever seen and told him that I liked him. That moment has since been ingraved in the back of my mind. After that, I felt like he began to avoid me, but the confusing part was that he looked surprised and kind of happy when I told him. Two days later we left. I was 15.



Now im waiting impatiently, waiting and hoping that time can fly by. The first thing I plan to do when I get there is go to my grandmas house and scratch out the thing on the side of the house that reads "  My name is ... , I like...".  Then I plan to no longer search for him with my eyes. I will try to ignore him like he did after I told him that I liked him, and although I still like him alot, I will do my best to forget him.  I am 16.