Rated: E · Script/Play · Comedy · #1819764
Christmas story based on the holiday classic song
Doreen: Umm-hmm, it’s the city of entertainment.
But spying on them for no reason at all was none other than Geri McGail, and she’s up to no good.
Geri: I don’t like this picture at all. How dare Doreen and Laurie trade me for that geek Vincent? I hate him.
But Vincent, Doreen, and Laurie are having a great time with each other going all over New York City. Then suddenly, the ride was over, and the man driving the horse said this to them.
The man: I sure hope you three enjoyed your sleigh ride around New York City.
Doreen: We sure did, sir.
Vincent: It sure was fun.
Laurie: We’ll have to do it again sometimes.
The man: Well you three have a Merry Christmas. Okay?
Doreen: We will. You too.
Vincent: Doreen, that was great! We’ll have to do that again sometimes.
Doreen: Of course, Vincent. We might do it again sometimes.
Laurie: Cool! Because I had a great time too.
Doreen: Well I’m glad you guys had a great time. Now we’re on our way to my family’s house to meet my big family.
Laurie: Well I’ve been to your family’s house many times to see your family, Doreen. And I know them all very well.
Doreen: True, but Vincent hasn’t been to my family’s house at all.
Vincent: I hope they don’t hate me just because I’m from another state. I want to be loved here in New York City.
Doreen: My family will love you, Vincent. They’re all friendly European folks that love and care about everybody and everything.
Laurie: Trust us, Vincent. They’re a non violent family. You’ll like them.
So they all went back in Doreen’s car again to head over to Doreen’s family’s house to meet the family.
Doreen: I love the holiday seasons.
Vincent: Me too, you guys.
Laurie: Yep, the holiday spirits gets us in a very good mood.
Doreen: Indeed it does. So how did you like the sleigh ride, Vincent?
Vincent: It was great! I really liked it a lot seeing all the people, places, things, and lights. It’s so beautiful.
Doreen: Well I’m glad you like it.
Vincent: New York City, here I’ll stay! I love it!
Laurie: And New York City loves you too, Vincent, just like we do. Right, Doreen?
Doreen: Right, Laurie.
Vincent: At first I thought I wasn’t gonna have any friends when I arrived New York City, but look what I’ve got.
Doreen: You better believe it, Vincent. You’ve got friends.
They arrived at the house straight ahead.
Doreen: Well, you guys, this is it.
Here is where Doreen Blanc’s great big family live on 967 East 88TH Street. They all found a parking place, they went out of the car, they walked to the house, and Doreen rang the doorbell. Then an older male’s voice cried out “Who is it?”
Doreen: It’s your daughter Doreen, dad. And I brought two friends of mine with me.
The door opens, and Doreen’s dad Philip opens the door for them, and welcomes them in.
Philip: (giving Doreen a hug.) Seasons Greetings! How’s my popular daughter doing?
Doreen: I’m doing really great, dad! How are you doing?
Philip: I’m doing great too! Who is your new male friend?
Doreen: This is my new friend from work Vincent. And you remember Laurie do you?
Philip: Sure, I remember Laurie! (To Vincent.) Hi there! Seasons Greetings!
Vincent: (reaching out to shake hands with Philip.) Seasons Greetings to you, sir. How are you doing?
Philip: I’m doing pretty good. How are you doing?
Vincent: I’m doing pretty good too.
Laurie: Hello, Mr. Blanc! How are you doing?
Philip: Pretty good, Laurie. And you? Seasons Greetings.
Laurie: Seasons Greetings to you too, sir.
Suddenly, Philip’s European wife Maureen comes down to the stairs to say hello to Doreen and her buds too.
Philip: And here comes my wife Maureen from down the stairs.
Maureen: Well hello, Doreen dear! And hello, Laurie!
Doreen: Hi ya, mom! Seasons Greetings!
Laurie: Hello, Mrs. Blanc, and Seasons Greetings to you!
Maureen: Seasons Greetings to the two of you as well.
Doreen: Thank you, mom. This is our new friend from our job named Vincent Mole.
Laurie: He’s from St. Louis, Missouri now living here in New York City with us.
Doreen: He moved here with his parents a couple of days ago, mom.
Maureen: Well hello, Vincent. Nice to meet you.
Vincent: Hi, nice to meet you too, Mrs. Blanc.
Maureen: Please, just call me Maureen.
Philip: And call me Phil.
Vincent: Okay, Phil, and Maureen.
Maureen: Here, come on in, all of you. No sense in standing out in the cold.
Vincent: Don’t mind if we do.
Laurie: You got it.
And they all came in the house, took off their coats, and their boots, and made themselves feel right at home. Suddenly, eight of Doreen’s brothers and sisters came over to the three and shouted “Welcome home, Doreen!!”
Doreen: Well thank you, you guys. Seasons Greetings to all of you.
All of the brothers and sisters are named Norman, Brad, Patrick, Stephen, Doris, Cambria, Joan, and Mary. Norman is the 24 year old brother so he’s the oldest. Brad is 19, Patrick is 17, and Doreen is 24 especially. Doris is 27 for she’s the real oldest, Cambria is 21, Joan is 16, and Mary is 14. Mary was the first to say Seasons Greetings to her sister Doreen.
Mary: Seasons Greetings to you too, Doreen.
Doreen: Thank you, Mary.
Stephen: Hello again, Laurie.
Laurie: Well hello to you too, Stephen, and the rest of you.
Everybody: Hello again, Laurie!
Joan: Say Doreen, who’s your guy friend here?
Doreen: This is our friend Vincent.
Vincent: Hi, my name is Vincent. Nice to meet all of you. Seasons Greetings.
Norman: (shook hands with Vincent.) Hi, Vincent. I’m Norman. Nice to meet you. Seasons Greetings.
Vincent: Hi, Norman.
Brad: (shook hands with Vincent.) What’s up, Vincent? I’m Brad.
Vincent: Nice to meet you, Brad. Hi.
Patrick: Hi, Vincent. I’m Patrick. Seasons Greetings.
Vincent: Seasons Greetings to you too, Patrick. Hi.
Stephen: How are you doing, Vincent? I’m Stephen.
Vincent: Nice to meet you, Stephen. Hi, and Seasons Greetings.
Doris: Good evening, Vincent. I’m Doris. Nice to meet you.
Vincent: Hi, Doris. Nice to meet you. Seasons Greetings.
Doris: Seasons Greetings to you too, Vincent.
Cambria: What’s up, Vincent? Cambria is my name.
Vincent: Hello, Cambria. Nice to meet you. Seasons Greetings.
Mary: Hey, Vincent. I’m Mary. Nice to meet you. Season Greetings.
Vincent: Hi, Mary. Seasons Greetings. Nice to meet you too.
Doreen: So what do you think of my family, Vincent?
Vincent: (smiling.) I think I’m going to like them all.
Mary: Aw, hehehehehe! Well we like you too, Vincent.
Vincent: Oh, thank you, Mary.
Mary: You’re welcome.
Doreen: Hey you guys, how about we play some video games?
Laurie: I love video games!
So they all rush over to the TV in the living room, turned it on, switched it to video games on the remote, they put on the video bowl from Nintendo Wii, and they all started playing.
Cambria: I will go first, everyone.
Joan: Okay, Cambria. You go first.
Cambria: Thank you, Joan.
And Cambria makes her way to set the bowling ball straight for the pins, aims it, she shoots, and it was seven pins she knocks down.
Patrick: That was very good, Cambria.
Cambria: Thanks, Patrick. But I still get a second chance. Hopefully I’ll get a spare.
Cambria aims at the pins again, she shoots, and she did get a spare. Everybody clapped for her.
Laurie: Did you get a spare, Cambria?
Cambria: Yes I did, Laurie. I’ve got a spare. Who’s next?
Vincent: (getting worried.) Is everyone looking at me?
Doris: Come on, Vincent. You can do it.
Vincent: I don’t know, you guys. I’m not a good bowler.
Norman: Oh sure you are, man.
Joan: You can do it, Vincent.
Mary: Vincent, it doesn’t matter who wins, or loses.
Doreen: It’s how you play the game.
Everybody: Come on, Vincent. You can score.
Vincent: Okay. But just to warn all of you, I might be a little sloppy at bowling.
Stephen: Hey, man, that’s okay. We’re all very sloppy at bowling. Nobody’s perfect.
So Vincent set the ball straight, aimed for the pins, shoots, and he made a strike. Everybody clapped and cheered for him.
Joan: Hey, that was cool, Vincent!
Doreen: Vincent, did you get a strike?
Vincent: Yes, I did, Doreen.
Doreen: That was awesome!
Patrick: That was great bowling, Vincent!
Vincent: Thank you. Thank you all.
Norman: And you thought you couldn’t bowl. You did alright, Vincent!
Doris: That was cool, Vincent!
Vincent: Thank you, Doris. Thank you all.
Joan: Now it’s my turn to bowl.
Cambria: Go for it, Joan. Good job, Vincent.
Vincent: Thank you, Cambria.
Cambria: You’re welcome.
Vincent: I love this game.
Now Joan straightens up the ball, aims it to the pins, she shoots, and knocks down five pins.
Joan: Aw man, I knocked down only five pins.
Brad: Well, at least it’s better than no pins at all. Heheheheheheheheh!
Joan: Shut up, Brad.
Joan straightens up the ball again, aims it to the pins, shoots, and the ball hit two pins this time.
Joan: Two pins?! That’s a low blow!
Mary: Well at least you’ve got seven points so far, Joan.
Joan: Yeah, but I want to get a strike like Vincent did.
Laurie: It’s okay, Joan. Winning isn’t anything.
Joan: I guess you’re right, Laurie. Who’s next?
Doris: I believe that I’m next.
Doris straightens up the ball, aims it to the pins, she shoots, and it was a gutter ball.
Doris: A gutter ball?! I can’t believe it!
Norman: It’s okay, Doris.
Doris: Thank you, Norman.
Doris aims for the pins again, she shoots, and she gets a spare!
Everybody: YAY, DORIS!
Patrick: That was great, Doris! You’ve got a spare!
Doris: Thank you, you guys. I thought I was gonna get another gutter again.
Stephen: But you didn’t. You did good.
Doris: Thank you, Stephen.
Doreen: Well I believe it’s my turn to bowl.
Brad: Well you just go right ahead, Doreen.
Doreen aims for the pins, she shoots, and she gets a strike.
Laurie: That was magnificent, Doreen!
Doreen: Why thank you, Laurie.
Vincent: That was cool, Doreen!
Doreen: Thank you, Vincent. Okay, who’s next?
Laurie: I believe I’m up next.
Mary: You’re on, Laurie.
So Laurie aims for the pins, shoots, and she also gets a strike.
Norman: That was totally cool, Laurie!
Laurie: Thank you, Norman.
Doreen: Cool, Laurie!
Laurie: Thank you, Doreen.
Just then, Doreen’s mother Maureen calls everybody for dinner.
Maureen: Dinner time, Everybody!
Stephen: Hey, that’s mom, and I’m hungry.
Joan: Me too. Let’s see what’s there.
Doris: But first we have to turn the TV off.
Brad: It’s already off, Doris. I just turned it off.
So everybody rushes over to the dining room table to get ready to eat.
Doris: What are we having for dinner, mom and dad?
Maureen: We’re having turkey roast beef, dressing, mashed potatoes, macaroni, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce, spaghetti, corn, string beans, fruits, vegetables, rolls, and fruit punch.
So everybody was in their seats, and Doris said the grace.
Doris: Dear Father in Heaven, we come to you today for you to bless us with the food that we’re about to eat. Nurish our bodies, and give us strength everyday. We also want to thank Doreen for coming back. We also want to thank Laurie and Vincent for coming over. And we thank you for bringing everybody together to get to know one another, make new friends, and have a great time with one another. And I say these things in your precious name, and your son Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.
And everybody digs in to get some food.
Vincent: Mmmmmmm, the food is delicious, Maureen.
Doris: Yes, it’s really good stuff, mom.
Doreen: Tasty, mom.
Maureen: Thank you, I’m glad you guys like it.
Brad: Yeah, your food is delicious.
Mary: Great stuff, mom.
Maureen: Thank you. You all are the best.
Philip: They’re right, sweetheart. Your food is delicious.
Maureen: Thank you, honey.
Philip: Anytime for my wife.
And Philip and Maureen giggle and kiss each other. Everybody ate up all the food, and there were no leftovers.
Everybody: Your food is great, mom!
Maureen: Thank you all.
Doreen: You’re welcome, mom.
The next morning back at the Metropolitan Life Tower, Vincent had a smile on his face because he had a great time with Doreen and Laurie the other night. But suddenly, Geri McGail saw Vincent with a smile on his face, and she didn’t like that on him at all. So she went up to Vincent while Vincent was busy working. Geri yanked the chair from Vincent, and Vincent fell down on his bottom. And he was really mad at Geri for what she did to him.
Vincent: (angry.) What’s wrong with you?!! Can’t you see I’m working?!! What do you want?!!
Geri: You bonehead!! You went out with Doreen the other night!! Did you?!!
Vincent: So what!! Doreen happens to be a nice, and respectful woman, unlike you!! Even Laurie was nice to me too!
Geri: YOU FOOL!!! You were supposed to be attracted to men!! Not women like Doreen and Laurie, you drip!!
Vincent: Okay, that does it!! I’m telling Mr. Waters!!
But just before Vincent was going to get over to tell Richard Waters, Geri grabbed him back real roughly and held his mouth real tight.
Geri: Shhhhhhh!! Don’t do that, you dummy!!
Vincent: Why not?! You started it!
Geri: SHUT UP, you idiot!!! Come with me to the girls’ room!
Vincent: No! I’m working!
Geri: WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH THAT AND COME ON FOR GOD’S SAKE?!!!
Vincent: LET GO OF ME!!! UNHAND ME I SAY!!!
Geri: SHUT UP AND LET’S GO!!!
Then she dragged Vincent over to the girls’ room and started giving him grief by fixing his hair.
Geri: I’m going to fix your hair so that you can get hooked up with Gary Dunne.
Vincent: I don’t want to get hooked up with Gary Dunne, nor any man! I’ve got a friend in Doreen Blanc! Okay?!
Geri: WILL YOU STOP THAT?!!! You’re getting fixed up with gay guys whether you like it or not!!
Vincent: You’re insane! I’m getting out of here!
Geri: (grabbed him back to the seat with her grip.) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET BACK HERE, YOU CARTOON CHARACTER!!!
Vincent: Who are you calling a cartoon character?!
Geri: Shut up and stay over here, stupid!! I’m gonna wash your hair first.
And that’s just exactly what she did. She washed Vincent’s hair in the sink, blew dry it, and started to comb it nice and neat for Vincent to be hooked up with the gay guys.
Geri: You’re gonna love my guys, my friend.
Vincent: Exactly what are you saying, whoever you are?!
Geri: (angry.) QUIT CALLING ME NAMES, YOU MORON!!! MY NAME IS GERI!!!
Vincent: I WAS JUST ASKING YOU A FREAKING QUESTION!!!
Geri: WELL YOU DON’T HAVE TO OVERDO IT IN A VERY BAD WAY LIKE THAT, WHOEVER YOU ARE!!!
Vincent: WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING HONEST WITH YOU AROUND HERE!!!
Geri: Shut up before I clobber you one, boy!
Vincent: Why are you doing these things to me, huh?! You don’t even know me, and you need to get help!
Geri: (angry.) SHUT UP, I said, you ogre!!! I’m trying to fix you up with a man, and you’re not cooperating to good!!
Vincent: On what?!! What are you-------------------------
Geri: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!! I’m the leader here!! You just help me and hush!!
And Geri was done fixing him up. Then she gets her mirror to show him.
Geri: There, young man, how do you look?
Vincent: Like a stupid idiot!
Geri: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Oh come on, boy, get this right!! Now, I will ask you again. How do you look?!
Vincent: (uncomfortable.) Oh swell. Very swell.
Geri: Cool. Cool. With my brains, and your homosexuality, you--------------
Vincent: I AM NOT GAY!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!
Geri: YOU DUMB CREEP, I’M NOT FINISHED YET!!!
Geri: Please don’t interrupt me like that ever again! Now with my brains, and your homosexuality, you will be taught everything that I know. Remember, I am your future master.
Vincent: Now that’s fowl right there! You get me out of here this instant! I’m working!
Geri: (angry.) YOU BONEHEAD, LISTEN TO ME!!! WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND OR SOMETHING?!!!
Vincent: I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT!!!
Geri: (slapped his face real good and hard.) You don’t know, PERIOD!!! Now LISTEN!!! You’re gonna marry my guys. You’re gonna get into the things they get into, and you’re gonna stick with them like glue every time, and be happy with them! You will not be with Doreen, nor any girl anymore, not even me because I don’t like you. I’ve got a boyfriend, and he’s much more handsome than you.
Vincent: You know what, Geri, you’re starting to get on my nerves with your negative conquests against me! I’m out of here!
Geri: NO, YOU DOPE!!! We’re walking together!
So Geri and Vincent walked out of the girls’ room so that Geri can introduce Vincent to Gary Dunne. But for a long time, Vincent said nothing.
Geri: (to Gary.) Hey, Gary! Are you looking for a man to marry and do?
Gary: Yes, ma’am!
Geri: (pointing at Vincent.) Well here’s your man here. His name is Stimpy. And he loves men.
Gary: Hey, that’s the man I met not too long ago! I want him.
Geri: Well he’s yours. Go for it.
Gary: Hey, baby! How are you doing, lovecup? Give me some sugar, honey bunny.
Vincent: (yelling for Doreen.) DOREEN!!!
Then suddenly, Doreen came to Vincent’s rescue, saw him in trouble with Gary and Geri.
Doreen: Hey! What’s going on in here?!
Vincent: Doreen, Gary and Geri are threatening me to do nasty stuff, and Geri just called me Stimpy, and I am very uncomfortable with that name!
Geri: (to Vincent.) YOU’RE FAT!!!
Vincent: I am not fat!
Doreen: (to Geri.) Okay, Geri, this time you have gone too far with your disgusting negative conquests against Vincent, and that needs to stop right now!
Geri: (angry.) No, it doesn’t need to stop at all! Okay?! So just DROP IT!!! After all, Doreen, you betrayed me!!
Doreen: I did not betray you, Geri! I’ve got promoted! There’s a difference!
Gary: Hey, freak, just who do you think you’re talking to like that?!! He’s my lover, and you can’t take him away from us!!
Doreen: I can so if he, or any of my friends are in great danger with you two!! And Geri, you owe Vincent an apology, otherwise you’re fired! Is that understood?!
Geri: Doreen, NO!!! I am not apologizing to no gay geek! He’s fat, crazy, stupid, evil, a homosexual, a monster, an ogre, a dream robber, and a two timing, double crossing, future wrecking loser!! So I’m not gonna do it until you clear away from that Stimpy jerk creep, and start coming back to be my friend!!
Doreen: Okay, Geri, YOU”RE FIRED!!!
Geri: Excuse me?!! I don’t think so!! One of these days, Doreen, you’ll say to yourself “Why did I invite a geek to my friendship, hiring him, to my parents’ house for dinner and stuff, and showing him around New York when I can do it all with Geri!!” What has gotton into you lately?!! You’ve changed!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU BOTH!!!
Then she took off on both Doreen and Vincent. But Gary is still flirting with Vincent, giving him the eye, and making him very uncomfortable.
Doreen: (to Gary.) Gary, knock it off! Leave Vincent alone!
Doreen: Then you’re fired too!
Gary: You know what, freak?!! I don’t care anymore!! This place stinks!! I’VE HAD ENOUGH!!! CHRISTMAS!!! BAH HUMBUG!!!
And Gary let too. Then Doreen went up to see if Vincent is alright.
Doreen: Vincent, are you okay?
Vincent: No, I am not okay. Geri hates me.
Doreen: Geri hates everybody around here, Vincent. So don’t take it personal. She’s just mean, that’s all. She’s also mean to me. That’s why I fired her, so you won’t have to worry about her anymore.
Vincent: Good. The girl’s got a problem.
Doreen: Yeah, I’ll say she does. Well I’ll talk to you later, and don’t worry so much about Geri and Gary because they’re mean.
Vincent: (smiling.) I won’t. Thank you.
Doreen: You’re welcome, Vincent. I’ll be back to check on you.
Vincent: Okay. Well I’ll see you later.
And Doreen left to check on everybody else as well. Vincent went back to work. Then the real boss Richard Waters looked around to check on everybody as well.
Richard Waters: (to himself.) Well well. I believe this holiday season is going to be great in my life, and everybody’s lives also. Doreen!
Doreen: (ran as fast as she could.) Did you call me, sir?
Mr. Waters: Yes, where’s Geri and Gary?
Doreen: I fired their butts because they were harassing Vincent with very bad advices.
Mr. Waters: So they were harassing Vincent, eh?
Doreen: Yes they were, and Geri wants me to leave Vincent for good, and go back to Geri so that Gary can have sex with Vincent, and I told them both no!
Mr. Waters: Well that’s good. Anybody with those sort of attitudes ought to be fired big time.
Doreen: Yeah, you’re telling me. I told Geri to apologize to Vincent right away after what she did to him all these times, but she won’t do it.
Mr. Waters: But did Vincent do something to Geri first?
Doreen: No he didn’t, Mr. Waters. Mm-mm. I knew that Vincent was innocent, and he would never do anything bad to Geri because Geri did it to herself.
Mr. Waters: Perhaps I owe Vincent an apology myself for accusing him of killing Geri. I didn’t realize that Geri hurt Vincent of his pride. Keep up the good work, Doreen.
Meanwhile still outside from the building, Geri McGail and Gary Dunne are finding very bad ways to get Vincent away from Doreen.
Geri: (angry.) OOH, that Stimpy thinks he’s so special, but he’s not!! He’s just a geek!! I don’t know why Doreen likes him in the first place! People that react that way to dorks are really stupid!
Gary: Yeah, just who does that crazy woman thinks she’s fooling! She’s got my lover and I don’t like this one bit! This is not a Christmas to be betrayed like this! This is insane!!
Geri: I’ll say that it’s insane! I’ve already called three more other gay guys with beards, moustaches, and hairy chests to get after Stimpy as well this year.
Gary: You mean “Manny Burke, Scott Jensen, and Benny Carter?”
Geri: Yes, I mean them. They should be coming this way real soon.
Gary: I believe you spoke too soon. I think they’re coming this way right now.
Geri: Yes, let’s wave to them.
Gary: HELLO, FELLOWS!
Yes, it’s three other gay guys in a beat up, old green 1972 Oldsmobile, Delta 88 coming over to Geri and Gary. Their names are Manny Burke, Scott Jensen, and Benny Carter. Scott and Benny are two white gay men, and Manny is a black gay man. They all have beards, moustaches, and hairy chests. Plus, they’re all dressed up in raggedy clothes on, their hairs are nappy, and they all smell so bad like skunks. They have no manners, and they’re mean. They stopped their car, came out of it, closed the doors, and went up to talk to Geri and Gary.
Manny: Yo, what’s happening, shorty?
Geri: Me and Gary have a mission for you guys.
Benny: A mission, eh? Let’s have the details.
Geri: I’ve been having problems with a geek who keeps getting his hopes too high on my best friend Doreen Blanc. She keeps treating that dweeb like he’s a king, or something and he’s not. He’s just nothing but dirt. You guys have got to put an end to this popular gal, lonely guy nonsense, and shake the geek into you and make love to him so that I can go back to my best friend Doreen again. Are you guys with us?
Manny, Scott, and Benny: Oh yeah, we’re with you all the way, Geri!
Geri: Cool! But first I need to call my boyfriend because he’s richer than Doreen, and the strongest.
And Geri called her boyfriend on her celphone to tell him her story.
Geri: Hello, Matthew? This is your girlfriend Geri. I need you to come down here with me and my men right away. We’re near the Metropolitan Life Tower. It’s on 24TH Street and Park Avenue. Do you know where it is? Cool. I’ll see you then. Okay. Get here.
Then she hung up the phone and waited for him with to come.
Geri: Okay, you guys, listen up. My boyfriend Matthew Conniff is going to be here real soon. He’s going up there to slap Doreen across the face, then beat up that geek Stimpy, throw him down to you guys. And when he does come down, grab him, and put him into your car. Okay?
Scott: Okay. But Geri, what are we doing after that?
Geri: We’re going over to my house, silly! We’re gonna first off teach him to do a bunch of nasty stuff that everybody does now, then you guys are gonna have sex with him, and make him your lover. What do you say, fellows?
Gary: Oh, that sounds hot, and sexy!
Scott: Yeah! When is your boyfriend coming, Geri?
Geri: He should be coming now. He’s already on Park Avenue.
All the men: ALRIGHT!
And coming from a shiny classic 1965 Pontiac GTO which is never beat up because it’s as good as new, was Geri’s boyfriend “Matthew Conniff” a big, tall, muscle body building, goateed, spikish black haired bad boy with big tattoos on both his arms, and he’s smoking a cigarette. He started blasting his car radio to heavy metal, and nasty rap which of course is not clean, and he’s all dressed in black leather with a black gangster hat. He stopped his car, turned off his music and the engine, got off the car, and went over to Geri, and the men.
Matthew Conniff: (to Geri.) Hey, baby! How’s it going, honey?
Geri: Hey, baby! I’m doing fine. (They frenchkiss each other.) I knew you’d be here whenever I need you.
Matthew: I’m always here for you, boo. So what’s going down, sexy?
Geri: I’m having problems with a geek that couldn’t stay away from my best friend Doreen because he’s gay! They’re up there getting cute with each other right now, and I don’t like this one bit! Not at all!!
Matthew: Which floor is that runt in?!
Geri: He’s up on the twelveth floor, room number 1214.
Matthew: I know where that is. Let me at that dweeb!
Geri: Go get him, sweetheart.
And Geri and Matthew kiss each other. Then Matthew heads inside the Metropolitan Life Tower, takes the elevator up to the twelveth floor, walks over to the room 1214. He walks in without knocking, Richard Waters stops him from coming in, but Matthew refuses.
Richard Waters: Excuse me, Mister, but you can’t come in here! This is employees only!
Matthew: (angry.) OUTTA MY WAY, JACKASS!!! I’m here to beat up a geek that gotten his hopes too high on my girlfriend’s plans!!
Leslie: Say, Mr. Waters. Who is that guy that just came in?
Mr. Waters: Beats me, Leslie. And I don’t think this guy is friendly.
Matthew: MOVE IT, I SAID!!! I want to kill this creep!!
Mr. Waters: NO!!!
But Matthew threw Richard Watwers to the closet in the office building. Then Doreen walked up to Matthew and said this to him.
Doreen: Hey, just who are you, and what are you doing here, huh?!
But Matthew slapped Doreen real good and hard across the face and told her off for no reason.
Matthew: THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING AROUND WITH A GAY MAN, YOU LITTLE PEST!!!
Then Matthew walked over towards Vincent and started yelling at him.
Matthew: (to Vincent.) HEY YOU, LOSER!!!
Vincent: What do you want, sir?
Doreen: (to Vincent.) Run, Vincent! This guy is psycho!
Matthew grabbed Vincent by the neck and Vincent yelled at him.
Vincent: LET GO OF ME, YOU MONSTER!!!
Matthew: You’ve gotten my girlfriend fired from this place, and YOU’RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS, JERK!!!
Vincent: HELP!!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!
But Matthew picked Vincent up from his seat, punched him in the stomach, punched him in the face, then threw Vincent out the window.
Doreen: (upset.) OH NO!!!
Then Vincent dropped down twelve feet from the building, then the gay guys caught him before he dropped down to the ground.
All the men: (to Vincent.) Hey ya, sexy!
Vincent: (angry.) Who are you guys?! And who was the creep that punched me?!
Geri: Never mind that, you cartoon character!!
Vincent: Turned around.) What is the meaning of this, Geri?! You were told to leave me alone!
Geri: SHUT UP!!! Don’t you talk back to me, Stimpy!!
Vincent: Don’t call me Stimpy!! And I am not a cartoon character!!
Geri: I SAID SHUT UP, YOU CARTOON CHARACTER!!! YOU’RE GAY!!! You shouldn’t be with any girls, especially Doreen and Laurie!! And you shouldn’t come to New York City with a disgusting face, and overhigh standards like that all the time!! That ain’t right!! You’re ugly and you’re supposed to date men, including your mother!!
Vincent: I don’t know what----------------
Geri: You don’t know nothing, Stimpy!! USE YOUR BRAIN AND QUIT USING US!!! There are plenty of men out there for you with beards, moustaches, and hairy chests all over the whole wide world, and you to find one FAST!!!
Matthew: Yeah, you creep!!
Gary: Shall we put him to the car now, Geri?
Geri: Yes, YES, put him to the CAR for God’s sake!!
All the gay men: ALRIGHT!!
And so they put Vincent to their green 1972 Oldsmobile, Delta 88.
Vincent: YOU PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT!!! AND GERI, YOU OWE ME A BIG FAT APOLOGY!!!
Geri: (kicked the door real loud on Vincent.) SHUT UP, STUPID, OR I WILL SHUT IT FOR YOU!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!!!
All the gay men: (finally in the car.) YEAH, SEXY!
And Vincent got out of the car as quickly as possible, and went back to work with Doreen and the rest of his friends that make him feel safe.
Doreen: Oh Vincent, are you okay?
Vincent: Boy, those psychos have no Christmas spirits in them. Geri wants me to be with the gay guys, and I’m not interested in that.
Leslie: Man, those folks are just not cool.
Doreen: I’ll say they’re not.
Laurie: I think Geri’s flipped.
Vincent: Yeah, you’re telling me, and she’s got a boyfriend who happens to be a bad boy.
Doreen: Well we’ll keep you safe this year, Vincent, so you don’t have to worry about Geri and her gang.
Vincent: Thank you. Thank you all.
Leslie: Any time, my man.
Doreen: Well this year, a lot of good things will come your way, Vincent.
Vincent: You mean, we’ll do a lot of great things?
Doreen: You we will.
Meanwhile back outside the building, Geri started yelling at the boys for messing the job to get Vincent up.
Geri: (raving mad.) YOU IDIOTS!!! YOU CLOWNS!!! WE ALMOST BROUGHT HIM HERE TO BE WITH US AND YOU LET HIM GET AWAY TO MY FRIEND DOREEN?!!!
Matthew: But Geri, we didn’t let him get away. He did that himself.
Geri: But you were supposed to tie him up, Matthew!!
Matthew: I’m sorry, okay?! I just didn’t think about the rope I still have inside my car! I forgot, okay? We’ll get him. I promise, honey.
Geri: Well I hope so! After all, I’m trying to get that homosexual gay monster off my back with his overhigh standards so that I can be with Doreen!
Benny: Yes, Geri, you have every single right to threaten that geek, and be with Doreen for yourself.
Manny: Yes, I’m for that too.
Scott: Yes sirree!
Gary: I’ll get my lover tomorrow. Is that alright with you, Geri?
Geri: Yes, that’s alright. Only tomorrow! You guys promise we’ll do this tomorrow! I want that geek to be with you guys! And this time, no more slipups!
Gary: Yes, Ma’am!
Matthew: No more slipups!
Manny: Not at all.
Benny: No way Jose!
Geri: Good. We’re get him tomorrow. But make sure he’s with you guys for the rest of his life! I want Doreen to look for a big, tall, muscular, handsome, smart, fast, rich, and famous man to show around New York City, to spend Christmas with, and still be with me everyday, every year, and beyond! She shouldn’t be with an ugly little gay boy like Stimpy! She needs to be with the big men!
Matthew: Yes, I agree. A beautiful woman and a little boy together? Not cool!
Geri: Yeah, really!
Meanwhile, work was over, and everybody’s getting ready to go home.
Doreen: So what do you have going for this weekend, Vincent?
Vincent: I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend, Doreen.
Another guy named Tom Repka came up to both Vincent and Doreen and told them about their news stories.
Tom: Hey Doreen, your story was great about the 12 year old boy who saved his dad’s life!
Doreen: Oh, thank you, Tom!
Tom: And Vincent, that was a really excellent story about the 90 year old woman who will live for good!
Vincent: Thank you, Tom! Your stories were excellent too about the Hispanic football player who’s got a special kidney to play football again!
Doreen: (to Tom.) Yeah! Also about a rich British family that adopted a lonely 13 year old boy to be with them!
Tom: Why thank you guys!
Doreen & Vincent: You’re welcome!
Tom: Well you two have a nice day!
Doreen: You two, Tom!
Vincent: Take care, Tom!
And Tom left them to the elevator while Doreen and Vincent go on another elevator.
Doreen: So you don’t have anything going on this weekend?
Doreen: How would you like to go with me and some of my friends sledding this Saturday morning at Central Park? After that, we can go out to eat at a European restaurant, also go look around the stores to look at all the Christmas stuff.
Vincent: Awesome, Doreen! I’ll be glad to go with you and your friends sledding, out to eat, and look at a lot of the Christmas stuff.
Doreen: Great! We’ll come and get you this Saturday morning at 9:00am so that we can have some fun.
Vincent: I’m with you, Doreen.
Doreen: If Geri and her gang starts giving you any more problems this year, call the police. We’ll have them arrested for Christmas, and the rest of their lives. Okay?
Vincent: You bet I will, and they better not know where I live either!
Doreen: Oh, I don’t think they’ll know where you live. Me, my family, and my friends will protect you from those crazies.
Vincent: Thank you, Doreen. Thank you all so much.
Doreen: You’re welcome.
Vincent: I don’t know where she gets off insulting me, threatening me, and calling me Stimpy. Stimpy is the name of that cat from “The Ren And Stimpy Show.” What’s wrong with her? She doesn’t even know me yet.
Doreen: Well she’s psycho. She doesn’t want to get to know new faces. All she wants to do is accuse them for being different, that’s all. She’s not a very nice woman. And I’ve been knowing her all my life. Me and her used to be tight for a long time. Now she thinks she’s better than I am.
Vincent: That’s terrible! She ought to know better than that. You shouldn’t do things like that to people because that’s wrong.
Doreen: Yes, I know, but she doesn’t want to follow orders. She just wants to give them in a very bad way.
Vincent: Well that’s not right. I don’t want her in my house for the holidays.
Doreen: Me niehter. Well let’s forget about Geri for now. We’re gonna have a great time this Saturday. Are we?
Vincent: You bet we are! We’re not gonna let this thing with Geri stand in our way.
And Doreen and Vincent went to the parking lot to Doreen’s car, went inside it, and were on their way.
Doreen: Do you like Christmas music at all, Vincent?
Vincent: I love Christmas music.
Doreen: Well I’ve got some Christmas oldies that I’ve got on this CD here that we’ll listen together.
Vincent: Alright! Turn on the juice!
And Doreen put the Christmas oldies CD inside the slot in her car, and it was Stevie Wonder’s “That’s what Christmas means to me, my love.” And they both were singing it.
Doreen: Do you like this, Vincent?
Vincent: I love it, Doreen! This is awesome! I’m glad I’ve met you, Doreen. You’re a very nice, and sweet person.
Doreen: I’m glad I’ve met you too, Vincent. You’re a very sweet guy.
Vincent: Thank you.
Doreen: You’re welcome.
Vincent: So what’s your favorite Christmas movie?
Doreen: My favorite Christmas movie would have to be “White Christmas.” What’s your favorite Christmas movie?
Vincent: Oh, I’ve got four favorites. My Christmas movies would be “Miracle On 34TH Street, The Holiday Inn, A Christmas Story, and A Nightmare Before Christmas.”
Doreen: Those are my favorite movies too!
Vincent: They are?
Doreen: Uh huh. I especially like “The Grinch Movie” as well.
Vincent: Me too!
Doreen: You too?!
Vincent: Yes, ma’am!
Doreen: Awesome! Are they any Christmas movies you don’t like?
Vincent: Nope, I love ‘em all.
Doreen: So do I. What’s the coolest thing you like getting for Christmas?
Vincent: A flat top computer with a blue-ray disc player, a burner, camera, and everything else that goes with it.
Doreen: Like a floppy disc player?
Vincent: Yes indeed. What about you, Miss Cheekbones?
Doreen: Well, I’ve got a new iPod.
Vincent: Cool! Who gave you that iPod for Christmas?
Doreen: My grandfather. Who gave you the computer?
Vincent: My dad.
Doreen: Wow! Lucky father.
They finally went to Vincent’s house, so Doreen dropped him off again.
Doreen: Well you take care, Vincent.
Vincent: You too, Doreen.
Doreen: Will I see you tomorrow?
Vincent: Yes you will.
Doreen: Well you have a good night, Vincent:
Vincent: You too, Doreen.
Doreen: And remember, if you ever need anything, call me. Okay?
Vincent: Okay. Can I please have a hug from you?
And Doreen and Vincent gave each other a great big long cheek to cheek hug, and Vincent was on his way to the house. Doreen kept an eye on Vincent to see if he made it to the house safe and sound before Geri and her gang get any ideas about getting Vincent to the gay guys this year.
Doreen: (to herself.) Whew! Thank goodness Vincent made it to the house safe and sound.
Then Doreen drove away back to her big rich mansion at 7967 Park Avenue. She’s got six roommates named Cindy Nantz, Ronda Lithaw, Christina Melendez, Stephanie Mazza, Judy Hand, and Katie Mendozier. Cindy is beautiful and pretty. Ronda is the same way. Christina is beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexy, and Puerto Rican with olive skin, high cheekbones, long brown hair, and a deep low voice. Stephanie is also beautiful, pretty, attractive, and sexy too with olive skin, high cheekbones, long brunette hair, also a deep low voice, and she’s Italian. Judy is an all American pretty lady just like Cindy and Ronda. And Katie (which is short for Katherine) is Lithuanian, and she’s beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexy, olive skinned, with high cheekbones, long red hair, and a high pitched voice. They all looked out the window and saw Doreen pull over by the garage door as she parks and stops her car there, gets out, and comes in the front door of the house.
Doreen: Hello, ladies!
All the ladies: Hello, Doreen! Did you have a nice day?
Doreen: I sure did. What about you ladies on this cold day here in New York?
Katie: My day was excellent!
Judy: My day was great!
Cindy: So was mine!
Stephanie: My day is cool.
Ronda. Same here with mine.
Christina: My day is totally Buena!
Christina: Say Doreen, I heard you found a new guy into your life.
Doreen: What new guy, Christina? He’s only a friend. We’re just getting to know each other first.
Christina: Oh, my bad. But is this guy here from the New York State?