Rated: · Script/Play · Comedy · #1821523
Action comedy about two Hispanic women detectives
| The Cool Chicks: by Preston J. Richardson.|
The season is summer, and the place is New York City. It was such a beautiful morning. The people crowd and the city is loud, and everybody is in a hurry to get to their workplaces on time so that they’re not being late. The cars, cabs, busses, trains, and subways are doing okay as well. And around New York City, there’s a police station called “The New York Police Department where all the policemen, and policewomen do their business to make sure there is no crime in the city. One of the women in that business lived a very beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexy, strong, and hot looking as well, and she’s in her twenties with olive skin, high cheekbones, long beautiful hair, and a beautiful voice. She is Irish, Filipino, and Mexican. Her name is Eliza Alvarez, and she’s a secret agent detective in New York City. She’s in her office right now doing a bunch of paperwork. Plus, she happens to work alone, and she likes it this way. After she was done with her paperwork, she decided to rest a bit, that is until she had a speaker call from the commissioner on her speaker. So she answered it right away.
Eliza Alvarez: Yes, Commisioner!
The commisioner’s voice: Detective Eliza Alvarez. I need you to come down into my office right away. This is very urgent.
Eliza: Yes, sir. Right away.
So Eliza leaves her office to head down to the commisioner’s office first off, walking pass the computer room saying good morning to her friends. First, a guy named Tim said good morning to Eliza. And Eliza said good morning back to Tim. Then a woman named Sarah said good morning to Eliza. Then Eliza said good morning back to Sarah as she kept walking by. Then one of her very best friends of all, another beautiful woman with high cheekbones as well named Willona Fox also said good morning to Eliza. Then Eliza said good morning back to her friend Willona. Then Willona had something to say to Eliza before Eliza starts taking off to the commisioner’s office.
Willona: Oh, Eliza.
Eliza: What’s up, Willona?
Willona: Are you planning on going to this AC/DC concert this Friday night?
Eliza: Oh yeah. I’ve already got my ticket in advance. So I’m ready.
Willona: Me too. I just can’t wait. I’m dying to see AC/DC live here in New York City again.
Eliza: Well listen, I have to head down to the commisioner’s office right away to see what he wants. So I’ll talk to you real soon. Okay, Willona?
Willona: Okay, Eliza. You take care.
Eliza: You too, dear.
And Eliza went on her way out the halls, to the elevators. She pressed the down floor, the signal rang, the elevator doors opened up, and she went in. After she made it to the first floor, she went out of the elevator, headed straight to the commisioner’s office just straight ahead, opened the door, and she went in the office to see the commissioner. The commissioner is a black older man, in his late sixties, dressed up in a gray suit, and a black tie. His name is Commissioner David William Gibson. He also has an assistant that helps him and he’s especially a black man, the same age as Commissioner David Gibson’s, but sadly, he’s getting ready to retire soon. His name is Preston Jones. So Eliza went to the office to see the commissioner.
Eliza: Good morning, Commissioner Gibson. You wanted to see me. Right?
Commissioner Gibson: Good morning, Eliza. Yes I do.
Eliza: What’s up?
Commissioner Gibson: You’ve been around the police force as a secret agent detective for quite about a year. Right?
Eliza: Yes, sir.
Commissioner Gibson: And after all, you have been working very hard trying to keep the big apple safe and sound for everybody so that no crime waves are happening around here.
Eliza: (smiling.) Yes, sir. Too hard, I’d say.
Commissioner Gibson: And of course, you remember my assistant of the police force Preston Jones?
Eliza: Yeah, I remember Preston Jones! I haven’t seen him for so long! How’s he doing?
Commissioner Gibson: He’s doing pretty well, thanks for asking.
Eliza: No problem. But where has he been all his life? He hasn’t been around the police force to help me out again lately.
Commissioner Gibson: He was on vacation with his family for five weeks to San Juan, Puerto Rico, and he had a great time over there.
Eliza: Is he back now?
Commissioner Gibson: Yes, my dear, he’s back, but only for a little while.
Eliza: Why a little while, sir?
Commissioner Gibson: Well, in about three weeks from now, He’s going to retire.
Eliza: But I like Preston Jones. I like it when he helps me whenever I need it. Sometimes he helps me get all the criminals that do wrong and stuff, sometimes he doesn’t because mostly, I’ve been taking care of this whole big city all by myself with help from no one, not even him.
Commissioner Gibson: And you always do a fine job at it, Eliza.
Eliza: (laughs.) I know. Heheheheheheheheh!
Commissioner Gibson: In fact, I’ll get him over here for you. Is that alright?
Eliza: That’s fine, sir.
So Commissioner Gibson used his speaker to get Preston Jones up front to see Eliza right away.
Commissioner Gibson: Hey Preston?
Preston Jones: (on the speaker.) Yeah.
Commissioner Gibson: Could you come up front to the office for a moment please? Detective Eliza Alvarez wants to see you.
Preston: (on the speaker.) I’m on my way.
Eliza: Boy, am I sure gonna miss Preston Jones after all he’s taught me when I first came here.
Commissioner Gibson: We’re all going to miss him, Eliza. Believe you me, it just won’t be the same without him.
So another old black man who is the assistant to the commissioner was none other than Preston Jones came to the office with a big smile on his face to see Detective Eliza Alvarez, and Eliza smiled at her right back.
Eliza: Hey there, Mr. Jones! I missed you!
Preston Jones: Hello, Eliza. I missed you too. How have you been?
Eliza: I’m fine thanks. I hear that you’re gonna retire in about three weeks from now.
Preston: Yes, Eliza. I’m retiring from the NYPD. It’s obvious that I’ve been in the police force for fifty five years. And since I’m getting old, it’s time for me to quit this business, take it easy, and keep in touch with my family of course and see how they’re doing.
Eliza: Wow, that happens to be a lot of years you’ve been working here. Have you?
Preston: Yes it has. But before, or even after I leave this police business, you’ll be having a new female partner who happens to be a little bit younger than you because she’s taking up criminal justice in college.
Eliza: Criminal Justice?! Well, I don’t know, you guys. You see, I happen to work alone, and I like working alone. I don’t know if I’m even ready for a partner at this point.
Commissioner Gibson: Eliza, this woman would make a fine detective partner for you. She’s smart, brave, strong, and very beautiful looking too, just like you are. And she’s also Hispanic.
Eliza: Is she Mexican?
Preston: No, she’s Puerto Rican. She’s also part Irish, and part English.
Eliza: She must have a British accent on herself. Right?
Commissioner Gibson: Nope. She’s got an American accent just like all of us here in the USA. She was born here in the states.
Eliza: And what’s her name?
Preston: We’re just getting to that, Eliza. Her name is Charlene Marie Melendez.
Eliza: Charlene Marie Melendez? That’s a very odd name for a Hispanic.
Commissioner Gibson: It maybe an odd name at first, Eliza. But you’ll get use to it when she comes here. And she’s from Chicago, Illinois.
Preston: Yes, the Hispanic side of Chicago.
Eliza: I’m sorry, you guys, but I don’t do Chicago. I only do New York and New York only.
Preston: But you’ll like her a lot, Eliza. She’s extremely cool once you get to know her. And I’m sure she’ll get to know you too.
Eliza: Well, okay. But I can’t promise that I’ll get along with her. But we’ll try to make a great team. When does she come in?
Preston: She comes in tomorrow morning.
Eliza: Tomorrow morning?! That’s too soon!
Commissioner Gibson: Look, Eliza, I’m sure you two will make a great team. You’ll may think she’s a screw up at first. But once you two start working together, you both will become good partners, and great friends.
Eliza: Hmm! I doubt it.
Then Eliza leaves Commissioner Gibson’s office very unhappy because she’ll be having a new partner tomorrow.
Preston: (to Commissioner Gibson.) David, was it something that we said? She doesn’t look a bit too happy about this partner thing with the new girl tomorrow.
Commissioner Gibson: (to Preston.) Aw, she’ll get over it, Preston. She’ll get use to Charlene. I have faith in Eliza.
Eliza went back to the elevators up to the computer room back to her office, until Willona Fox her best friend was worried about Eliza’s angry look. So Willona asked Eliza what’s the matter.
Willona: What’s wrong, Eliza?
Eliza: I’m getting a new stupid partner by the name of this Puerto Rican chica by the name of Charlene Melendez who happens to be still in college studying criminal justice?!! This is insane to me, Willona! I don’t work with college students! They mess up everything big time in the big leagues! What am I going to do?! I can’t have a college girl be my partner! It doesn’t work that way!
Willona: Take it easy, Eliza. It’s not all really that bad to have a partner with you. At least she’s studying criminal justice at her school. And I’m sure she’ll make a great cop just like you.
Eliza: Yeah? Well what if she starts to mess up in this business? It would be my ass!
Willona: Don’t worry so much about it, Honey. You’ll make it with her. All you have to do is just show her the ropes of being a detective, explain to her what she needs to do, and what not to do, how to fight crooks, and other nasty people like that. We all serve and protect together. And I’m obviously sure she’ll remember that as well. What does she look like?
Eliza: I don’t know. I haven’t even met nor seen her face yet. She’ll be coming here tomorrow morning. I swear to God, Willona. This does not quote well.
Willona: Eliza, breathe. You’re intense right now. And it’s not good for your body. Just give her time to learn things like this tomorrow once you show her the ropes. It took you a long time to learn this stuff too when you first got started, including me, and everybody else who first got started here. Now we’re all good.
Eliza: Well the only problem with this picture, Willona, is this! She happens to be from the windy city in another state! And I’ve told Commissioner Gibson and preston Jones “I don’t do the windy city! I only do the big apple!” I don’t think I want to be partners ever with this Charlene what’s her face! She’s gonna screw it all up! I just knew it! And when she does, then I’ll be out of a job as a detective forever while this dumb college Puerto Rican girl from Chicago Charlene gets all the credit, and I won’t work in the police force anymore!!
Willona: Now Eliza, you’re intense again. I can see that from you. Did you take your medicine this morning?
Eliza: Yes, Willona. I took my medicine this morning.
Willona: Then you really need to calm down. Okay? It’s not good for you to blow your top like that. I’m sure this girl Charlene won’t be such a bad partner for you once you two work together tomorrow. You’ll be alright. I promise.
Eliza: Thank you, Willona. You’re always there for me whenever I need you the most.
Willona: Anytime, sweets.
Eliza: (looks at her watch.) Oh, it’s time for me to take my fifteen minute break! Hey, thank you for your advice, Willona.
Willona: Have a ggod break, Eliza.
So Eliza heads down to the elevators again, and straight to the NYPD breakroom where there’s three vendor machines. One is coffee, another is cold drinks, and one more is donuts. Three other police officers in regular blue uniforms were first in the break room eating donuts, and drinking coffee. Their names are Fred, Kyle, and Mitchell. They saw Eliza walk inside the break room, and they said hello to her.
The three policemen: Hello, Eliza.
Eliza: Hello, fellows. What’s new?
Fred: Nothing at all too much. Same old shit day and night like always.
Mitchell: Us too, Eliza. What’s new with you?
Eliza: Well, I don’t know how to tell you guys this, but I’m getting a new partner tomorrow, only she’s a college student.
The three men: A college student?!
Eliza: Yes, a college student. I don’t know how I can handle working with a college student as my partner. This is ridiculous.
Fred: Well, just show her the best you can the way you do it.
Mitchell: And once you show her all the steps, I’m practically sure she’ll get it right the first time. Just have faith in her, just like the boss has faith in us when we first did it.
Eliza: Prehaps you guys are right. And I think Willona’s right too. Maybe I should have some faith in her when she comes in tomorrow morning.
Kyle: There you go, Eliza. That’s the spirit! Once you show her the moves and stuff, you two are gonna be alright.
Eliza: Well I sure hope so. Because I sure don’t want to lose my job either because of some college student.
Kyle: Is it a male or a female, Eliza?
Eliza: It’s a female. A Puerto Rican one. Her name is Charlene Melendez. And she’s from Chicago.
Mitchell: But she’ll get use to New York City. After you’re done teaching her the stuff here, you can even show her around the city.
Eliza: Well, I might as well take a deep breath before I start to get myself worked up over this Chcago Puerto Rican college girl when I see her tomorrow.
Fred: Yeah, there you go. Just give her some time to learn the police work here. And most important, Eliza, always be cool about it. You don’t want to lose your temper on her too much. This is her first day, you know.
Eliza: Thanks, guys. I really needed that.
The men: Anytime, Eliza. Good luck.
Soon, it was five o’clock in the afternoon. Time for Eliza to close her office, lock it up, and head for home. As she walks pass the computer room, she says goodbye to everybody including her best friend Willona Fox.
Eliza: Good bye, everybody. See you all tomorrow.
Everybody: Good bye, Eliza.
Willona: Whoa, wait a minute, Eliza! You’re going home already? What time is it?
Eliza: It’s two minutes after five, Willona. That means I have to lock up my office and head for home.
Willona: (looked at her watch.) Oh yeah, that’s right. I forgot. You do go home at this time. (Laughs.) I didn’t realize what time it was until now. What are you doing tonight?
Eliza: Well I have a dinner date downtown with my boyfriend Jose at this Mexican restaurant called “El Gato’s.” We’re gonna be there in about 8:00pm.
Willona: Well you two have fun tonight, and I will see you tomorrow.
The next morning at 8:00am, another beautiful, and very pretty woman walked over to the New York Police Department for her very first time to do police work. She’s very attractive, sexy, with olive/bronze/ caramel/super tanned skin, also high cheekbones, long brown/brunette hair, a beautiful voice, and with a great big smile on her face a lot, plus, she’s very positive about everything and never negative. Her name is Charlene Melendez; an Irish, British, and mostly Puerto Rican Chicago native who’s still in college in New York City taking criminal justice. She walked in the police station, went straight over to Commissioner Gibson’s office, knocked on his door so that she can see him.
Commissioner Gibson: (heard the knock on his door.) Come in!
So Charlene opened the door, walked in the office with a great big smile still on her face, and said good morning to Commissioner Gibson.
Charlene: Good morning. Are you Commissioner David William Gibson?
Commissioner Gibson: Why yes I am. And you must be the beautiful Charlene Melendez from Chicago.
Charlene: (laughs.) You got it, dude. I’m here to see Detective Eliza Alvarez. (She pulls out her new New York City badge.) I’m her new partner as a detective too.
Commissioner Gibson: Yes, of course. We’ve just been expecting you to be here today, and so has Eliza. Welcome aboard, Charlene.
Charlene: (shook hands with Commissioner Gibson.) thank you, sir. I’m happy to be here. Wow! This building is huge!
Commissioner Gibson: It’s been huge for many years, Charlene.
Charlene: Well, just to caution all of you, I’m still learning criminal justice at college. So I still have many ways to go. But at least I’m a fast learner, and very strong. I’m also very smart.
Commissioner Gibson: Of course you are. But don’t worry about still learning in school. Eliza Alvarez will teach you everything of how to be a great and wonderful detective just like her.
Charlene: Where is Eliza anyway?
Commissioner Gibson: Just take the elevator up to the fourth floor, pass the computer room, and her office is straight ahead in front of you. The door will say Detective Eliza Alvarez. You can’t miss it.
Charlene: Thank you, Commissioner Gibson.
Commissioner Gibson: You’re welcome. Good luck.
Then Charlene walks out of the Commissioner’s office, takes the elevators up to the fourth floor, walks pass the computer room, and sees Eliza’s office straight ahead. Meanwhile, Eliza was checking up a lot of stuff around New York City on her own computer she brought with her to see if there’s anything urgent she needs to check out, until she heard a knock on her office door.
Eliza: (looking up from her computer.) Come in.
Then Charlene opened the door, walked in with a great big smile on her face, then introduced herself to Eliza for she’s her new police partner as a new detective.
Charlene: Good morning. Are you Detective Eliza Alvarez?
Eliza: Yeah! I’m her! Who are you? And what about it, huh?!
Charlene: Hi, I’m Charlene Melendez! I’m your new partner! And I can hardly wait for you to teach me all the ropes of how I can become a great detective just like you.
Eliza: You’re sick! You know that, do ya?!
Charlene: (confused.) What do you mean by that?
Eliza: Your smile is starting to get on my nerves!! And may I remind you here that this is serious police work we do around here! Okay?! This is the real deal! So if you ever want to participate into this business, you must learn the exact proper ways of how to be a detective! Still interested, Miss Cheekbones?!
Charlene: More than ever, Eliza.
Eliza: Well I’m gonna work you hard! So you had better pay close attention to what I’m teaching you!
Charlene: I’m all ears, dear.
Eliza: Also, this is not neither high school, nor college either! Like I said, this is the big leagues! Now first of all, we need to show finger prints. It’s a good thing that I brought my papers and printing ink here in my office.
Charlene: (checking out Eliza’s high cheekbones.) You know, Eliza, you’ve got great cheekbones too, just like mine.
Eliza: (snapped at Charlene.) Never mind my cheekbones like yours!! Okay?!! Just make with your finger prints here!
Charlene: Boy, you sure enough are grouchy. Aren’t you?
Eliza: (pointing the print, ink, and papers to Charlene.) Hey!!
Charlene: (worried.) Okay! Okay! I’ll do my finger printing!
And quickly, Charlene puts her right two fingers on the ink, and then puts them on the blank paper. And that was it.
Charlene: How’s that, Eliza? Did I do alright?
Eliza: (checking them out.) Hmmm. Not bad. Now it’s my turn.
Then Eliza does her finger printing as well on the ink and paper.
Charlene: (checked out Eliza’s finger prints.) Wow! I can’t believe it!
Eliza: Believe it or not, dear. I’ve been around the police business for a year.
Charlene: Okay, Eliza. Now what’s next?
Eliza: Next, we’re gonna be working on some shooting skills, but not here in this office because I don’t have any of this up here. So that means, we have to go to the second floor when there’s a practice room just on the first door to the left.
Eliza: Come with me to the elevators so that I can show you.
So Elisa and Charlene left the office to head straight to the elevators to the second floor to the practice room.
Charlene: Wow! What a huge computer room with so many people on their computers. I can’t wait to get my own computer one of these days.
Then Charlene stops for a while to meet another smiling beauty also with high cheekbones as well. And it’s none other than Eliza’s best friend Willona Fox.
Charlene: (to Willona.) Good morning, miss. You sure have such a gorgeous smile on your face.
Willona: (to Charlene.) Oh, why thank you! You do too.
Charlene: Thank you. I’m Charlene Melendez. What’s your name?
Willona: Willona Fox.
The two girls both shook hands with each other.
Charlene: Nice to meet you, Willona.
Willona: You too, Charlene.
Eliza was getting impatient with Charlene. So she grabs her by the back of her blouse, and raves at her.
Eliza: LET’S GO, WILL YA?!!! COME ON!!!
Charlene: (annoyed.) Okay!
Willona: (to Charlene and Eliza.) Good bye, ladies!
Then Eliza and Charlene went to the elevators to the second floor to practice room on the left of the hallway. They went inside the practice room where other trainees are learning how to shoot, fight crooks, and all other important stuff that a cop should do and know.
Eliza: Here we are in the practice room. This is the room where other people are learning how to stop criminals, shoot, fight, and all other important stuff everybody should know to be a cop.
Charlene: Cool! It’s a huge room too. I’ve never seen such a practice room in here before in my life. This is amazing!
Eliza: (angry.) Will you stop acting like a damn cartoon character and pay attention for God’s sake?!!
Charlene: Oh, sure, Eliza. I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t help myself on my first day, you know.
Eliza: Oh boy, you’re impossible. (She points to Charlene at the target practice section on the left.) Look over there. This is the target shooting department. (They both walk over there closer.) In this practice, you need to know how to shoot bad criminals like each and everyone of them shown in the seven targets. Now watch me. I’m picking up one of the guns from here, aiming straight to the criminal on the target, and shooting him like this.
And Eliza shoots the target directly at the paper criminal shown on the target three times.
Charlene: Damn, that was awesome!
Elisa: (gives Charlene the gun.) Now it’s your turn. And you better remember what I’ve just shown you.
So Charlene takes aim, looks directly at the criminal on the target, and fires three times at the criminal on the target. And Charlene was so surprised that she actually did that.
Charlene: Man! I can’t believe I actually did that! (She laughs and slaps her left thigh on her leg.) This is so cool! I can’t wait to tell everybody back at school this fall, and tell them that I’m a real detective!
Elisa: Excuse me, Honey! But there is still a whole lot more where that came from! So you’re not there quite yet!
Charlene: You mean there’s more?
Eliza: Yes, lots more! This way with me. I want to show you something else.
They both walk to the right of the room to fight, and arrest criminals with stuffed criminal dummies.
Eliza: Now over here, these are stuffed criminal dummies. You need to know how to fight, and arrest criminals with these dummies in order to fight real criminals with these dummies in order to fight real criminals whenever they start to break the laws here in this city. But be warned, all criminals are very dangerous just like these dummies you see here. They’re very movable, and they can knock you right down the floor if you didn’t fight them right. Watch me.
Then Eliza went up to a dummy close by them, started fighting it with punches, karate, and all sorts of stunts being alert at all times so that the movable dummy doesn’t hit her.
Charlene: Oh my God, how impressive!
Eliza: Now you try it.
Charlene: You bet I will, Eliza. Besides, I used to take karate lessons back when I was in junior high, and I still know how to fight.
Eliza: (annoyed.) JUST DO IT!!!
Charlene: Alright already!!
So Charlene went up to the dummy, started fighting it real good almost like Jackie Chan fight his bad guys. After that, she handcuffs it and says to the dummy “You’re under arrest on suspension of committing crimes.
Eliza: (to herself about Charlene.) What a showoff, and a loon at the same time.
Charlene: So how was that, Eliza? Did I do okay this time?
Eliza: (pretending to praise Charlene.) You couldn’t do better, my sweets.
Charlene: Alright! Now what’s next?
Eliza: We need to go outside for a moment. I’m gonna show you how to watch over the whole city to see if there’s a lot of things that are either urgent, or if this is a real emergency.
Charlene: Excellent! I can enjoy some fresh air outdoors as long as we’re working as cops.
The girls leave the practice room back to the elevators to the first floor on their way out the doors to look for any urgent crimewaves, or real emergencies. That is until that day while the girls are outside away from the station for a while, an old seventy five year old woman cried for help because some mean man stole her purse with a one million dollar check inside there.
The old woman: HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY STOP THAT CRAZY MAN!
The girls rushed right over to the old woman, pulled out their badges, and asked her what happened.
Eliza: (to the old woman.) We’re police officers at your service, madam. What just happened?
Charlene: We’ve came here just in time for you, ma’am.
The old woman: Some mean man stole my purse with a one million dollar check inside that I just won at a casino last night! (She finally saw the guy with the purse.) And there he is now!
Charlene: (spotted the guy as well.) There he is! I’ll stop him for you guys!
But before Charlene was going to get the guy from stealing the old woman’s purse, Eliza pulled Charlene back and said this to her.
Eliza: (to Charlene.) No!! I’ll get the guy! You stay here and watch the old lady until I get back!
Charlene: (to Eliza.) Why do you always want to get him and I can’t?!
Eliza: Because I’m the best cop around here, that’s why! I’ve been here for a year! Now stay here and watch the woman!!
Then Eliza takes off to chase that guy that stolen her purse.
Charlene: Boy, I never get a chance to chase criminals like Eliza. How come she always have to get all the breaks?
The old woman: (to Charlene.) You’ll get your chance, my dear. I promise. I have faith in you.
Charlene: Thank you, Miss.
The old woman: (smiling.) You’re welcome.
But meanwhile, Eliza started chasing that guy from block to block trying to stop him to get the old woman’s purse back.
Eliza: (to the man.) HALT, IN THE NAME OF THE LAW! HALT, I SAY!
The mean man: HEY, BEAT IT, YOU LITTLE FEMALE LATINA FREAK!
Eliza started ganging on him. So she jumped up, grabbed the man, handcuffed him, and took the old lady’s purse away from him.
Eliza: You will be locked up behind bars for what you did here, pal!
The man: Hey, what is this?!! You can’t do that!! I want that million dollars here!!
Eliza: It does not belong to you! It belongs to that old lady in her seventies that you took from her! Let’s go, buddy! You’re under arrest!
So Eliza brought the man in, and brought the purse back to the old lady.
The old woman: (to Eliza.) Oh, thank you so much, Officer, for catching that man, and bringing my purse back.
Eliza: It’s all in a day’s work, ma’am.
The old woman: (to the man.) You ought to be ashamed to yourself, you young whimper snapper!! Just what the hell do you come off stealing my purse like that, you worm?!! (Then she bashes him in the head with her cane real good and hard.) TAKE THAT!!!
The man: OW!!!
Eliza: (to the man.) Let’s go, Buster! (And to Charlene.) You too, beautiful!
Then Eliza and Charlene went back to the police station, put the man who stole the woman’s purse in jail, went to Commissioner Gibson’s office, then they both told him what happened.
Eliza: Commissioner Gibson, some creepy man had just stolen an old lady’s purse which has a million dollar check from a casino which she was on her way to the bank to deposit it.
Charlene: But now he’s in----------------------
Eliza: (snapped at Charlene again.) Let me speak to the Commissioner, for crying out loud!!
Charlene: Gee wiz, Eliza! You won’t let me talk to him!
Eliza: (to Commissioner Gibson.) So anyway, that guy is sentence to prison for life. He won’t ever steal things like this again.
Charlene: (to Commissioner Gibson.) So that case is close
Commissioner Gibson: Well, I’m very proud of you ladies.
Eliza and Charlene: Thank you, sir.
Commissioner Gibson: You’re both welcome. So do you ladies think you can work together as a team?
Eliza: I don’t know, sir.
Charlene: Of course we will! What do you think, Eliza?
Eliza: (confused.) Oh boy.
Commissioner Gibson: Good! If you ladies want to right now, you both can go back outside and check around the city again and see if there’s any more crime waves, and urgent emergencies out there.
Charlene: You want us to do that right now, sir?
Eliza pinches Charlene’s left arm trying to get her to be quiet.
Eliza: (to Commissioner Gibson.) We’ll do it sir. Or at least I’ll do the rest of it.
Commissioner Gibson: Go for it, ladies.
The girls went back outside again to solve more crimes, and more urgent emergencies. They tried to work together as a team as detectives, but Eliza does not want to be any part of Charlene’s partnership at all because she’s from Chicago, and Eliza is from right here in New York City. So Eliza feels that Charlene is different from the others, and she thought it’s time they go their separate ways.
Charlene: Say Eliza, aren’t you and I glad that we can be partners, working together as a team solving crimes, clues, and helping everybody else in need?
Eliza: Look, don’t give me anymore of your crazy bullshit, alright?!!
Charlene: What do you mean, Eliza?
Eliza: Look, you’re from the Goddamn windy city, and I’m from right here in the big apple! We don’t fit in with each other at all! You’re different from everybody here in New York, and everywhere around the world! And that’s bad!
Eliza: You heard me!! From now on, you need to go your own way, and I’ll go my way!! I was never into this partner thing with anybody, especially you!! Now if you don’t mind, Missy, LEAVE ME ALONE!!! And don’t ever follow me around either!! If you do, you’re dead!!
Then Eliza took off on Charlene saying she doesn’t want to have nothing to do with her ever again. So while Charlene had her head right down to the ground feeling sorry for herself, Eliza walked along in the streets without Charlene to check out crime waves and emergencies herself. And Eliza did a crime wave by herself! She saw two female teenage bullies picking on a poor nine year old little girl on her way home from a playground. So Eliza rushed up there and talked to those two teenage girls about that mess.
Eliza: Hey ladies. This little girl does not like being picked on like that. Okay? She was having a good time by herself on the swings and slides. Now she wants to go home with her parents. So either you two leave her alone this instant, or I will report this to both of your parents, and they’ll probably be yelling at the two of you. Now, don’t you both owe that little girl an apology?
The two teenage ladies: Yes, Officer.
So the two teenage ladies go straight to the nine year old little girl and apologize for what they did to her.
The two teenage girls: (to the little girl.) We’re sorry for what we’ve did to you. We won’t bother you like that ever again.
The little girl: (to the teenage girls.) It’s okay. Besides, we all have our bad days.
The teenage girls: Yes. Absolutely.
Then the two teenage girls take off and head for home themselves. Then Eliza talked to the little girl for a while.
Eliza: Are you okay, sweetheart?
The little girl: I am now. Thank you.
Eliza: You’re welcome. Say, what’s your name?
The little girl: I’m Daphny.
Eliza: Hi, Daphny. I’m Detective Eliza Annette Alvarez.
Daphny: (shook hands with Eliza.) Nice to meet you.
Eliza: Nice to meet you too. Those two teenage ladies didn’t give you any grief and stuff, did they?
Daphny: Well, sort of when they came over to me when I was minding my own business.
Eliza: Well I took care of them for you so they won’t bother you anymore. So if anybody else starts to threaten you with rotten nonsense like this, or if you’re ever in a jam by bad people, (She gives one of her business cards to Daphny.) Here is my business card with all of my information. So whenever you’re in trouble, just give me a call. Okay?
Daphny: Gee, thanks, lady!
And Daphny starts taking off running all the way home happy.
Eliza: You’re welcome!
And Eliza continues walking along the streets of New York City to see if there’s anymore emergencies like that.
But meanwhile still alone by herself as just a beginner detective without Eliza, Charlene heard a little boy’s cry for help, and it was right near by her too. So Charlene rushed over to that neighborhood, and another lady was standing by a big tree trying to get her grandson down from there, but she couldn’t do it because the tree was too high for her. So Charlene went over real fast and asked the lady what happened.
Charlene: What’s going on, Miss?
The lady: Oh, Officer, you’ve got to help us! My grandson Ben was just trying to save his cat from up that big tree! We’ve got the cat here in my hands, but Ben is up there and I can barely catch him! Please help us quick!
Charlene: Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ll catch him for you.
The lady: Oh, bless your wonderful heart, young woman.
But even Eliza heard the boy too. So she went up there as quick as she can and already saw Charlene taking care of this first. And Eliza was very furious because Charlene has got this rescue that Eliza wanted to take.
Charlene: (to Ben, the boy.) Alright, son, listen to me. Just jump off from there, and I’ll catch you. Okay?
Ben: I CAN’T! I CAN’T DO THIS!
Charlene: Yes you can. Just let go, and I’ll catch you.
Ben: BUT I CAN’T HOLD ON ANY LONGER, NOR LET GO! I’M GONNA GET KILLED!
Charlene: No you won’t. Okay? Trust me. Just let go, and I’ll catch you.
Ben: (lets go from the tree.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
And Charlene caught the boy right on time before he ever hit the ground.
Charlene: I’ve got you, son. I’ve got you.
The lady: Oh thank goodness.
So Charlene puts the boy down to the ground safe and sound.
Charlene: Your grandson is okay, ma’am.
The lady: Oh, thank you so much, my dear. Thank you.
Ben: Yeah. Thanks, miss.
Charlene: You’re both quite welcome. (To Ben.) And kid, try to stay out of trouble like that next time. Okay? From now on, let an adult get over and get your cat.
Ben: (smiling.) I will. I most definitely will. Thanks a lot, lady!
Charlene: (smiling.) You’re welcome, son!
Then Charlene walks off and waves goodbye to Ben and his grandmother, and they both wave goodbye back to Charlene. But Eliza was really frustrated at what Charlene did for both Ben and his grandmother. So she went “OOH!!!” Then she walked off from them as well, all upset and angry at both Charlene and herself. But meanwhile, Ben and his grandmother started chatting for a while about what a very good job Charlene did for them, and then headed back to their house.
Ben: Gee, Grandma, that lady seems very nice, and looks very pretty too. I would like to have a nice girl like her when I grow up.
The lady Oh, of course you would, Ben. And someday you’ll find someone like that.
Meanwhile, Eliza took a cab back to the New York Police Department. When she arrived back there, got out of the cab, and paid the driver the money, she said thank you to him with a smile on her face. The cab driver took off, Eliza went back inside the police station, but she didn’t smile too long when she walked in the building. She still was too mad after what Charlene did. So she took the elevator up to the fourth floor, walked pass the computer room to head back to her office. But meanwhile at Eliza’s office, Charlene Melendez had her own flattop she just recently bought with her money. She was minding her own business humming an easy listening tune that she likes called “If I only have eyes for you” with a smile on her face checking out a lot of cute, and handsome guys on the computer because she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet. One of the cute guys on the computer winked an eye at Charlene, and she just laughed. But suddenly, Eliza opened the office door real quick and fast, and started raving at Charlene.
Eliza: HEY YOU!!! DUMMY!!!
Charlene: (turned around and got very annoyed with Eliza.) Hey, what’s your problem, huh, Eliza?! And just who do you think you’re calling a dummy?!! My name is Charlene, alright?!! Charlene Melendez!!
Eliza: (pointed at Charlene.) You did all your police work ALL WRONG!!!
Charlene: (got up out of her chair and stood up to Eliza.) What are you talking about?!! All I did was saved that little boy’s life from a very bad situation for his grandmother’s sake! Besides, that kid would’ve gotten killed up there in that big tree all by himself with nobody to catch him because his grandmother couldn’t do it! She was too short! Oh, by the way, Eliza, I really don’t like your tone of voice at me at all! You and I are supposed to be a team, not break up from each other like that the way you want it because it’s all disrespectful, very very mean, and extremely uncalled for!! This is becoming a big turn off!!
Eliza: YOU!! YOU’VE JUST STOLEN AN IDEA THAT I ALREADY HAVE GOT, YOU LITTLE SLINKY PUERTO RICAN WHORE!!!
Charlene: (slapped Eliza’s face hard for calling her that!) YOU DON’T EVER CALL ME A PUERTO RICAN WHORE, YOU MEXICAN SKANK!!!
Eliza: (slapped Charlene right back hard across her face.) FUCK YOU!!! AND HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A MEXICAN SKANK, YOU TITO PUENTE SLUT!!!
Then the two girls started slapping each other’s faces again the second time, and started getting into the huge crossover catfight, pulling hairs, scratching, pushing each other, kicking everything down inside the office. Eliza swung Charlene to her china, broke it all, and swore at her with rage!
And Eliza slapped Charlene left and right real good and hard across her face. Then Charlene punched Eliza across her stomach, then punched her in the face. And after Eliza fell to the ground, Charlene jumped up on Eliza by letting out a yell! Then the two girls continued catfighting each other still knocking everything down. Then Charlene swung Eliza to her drinking water machine with white plastic cups, knocked it down, got Eliza’s face all wet with the big jug of water, then Charlene picked up Eliza and slapped her real good and hard across her face. Then Eliza threw Charlene over to the closet doors. Then she rushed over to Charlene, and the girls continued catfighting each other again.
Then suddenly, Commissioner Gibson came to their office and he saw the two Hispanic girls fighting each other. So the Commissioner rushed over there and separated the two girls from fighting.
Commissioner Gibson: Hey!! Hey!! Break it up!! Break it up!! Both of y’all, break it up!! There’s no need for this, ladies!
Charlene: JUST LET ME AT THAT BITCH, COMMISSIONER GIBSON!!!
Eliza: NO, LET ME AT HER!!! SHE’S THE ONE WHO CAME IN ON MY TIME!!!
Charlene: OOH, I’M GONNA BREAK YOUR DADGUM ASS FOR THIS, YOU SMARTYPANTS!!!
Eliza: YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A BIG CRY BABY, THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE!!! I’M THE BEST!!!
Charlene: YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!!!
Eliza: AND YOU’RE A SELFISH LITTLE BRAT!!!
Charlene: HEY, EAT MY SHORTS!!!
Eliza: KISS MY ASS!!
Charlene: GO TO HELL!!
Eliza: BITE ME!!!
Commissioner Gibson: (to the girls.) I SAID CUT OUT THIS SHIT NOW!!!
And Commissioner Gibson started slapping the two girls real good and hard across their faces just to stop the fight real quick, and started yelling at them.
Commissioner Gibson: NOW JUST WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING ABOUT?!!! WHAT’S GOING ON AROUND HERE?!!!
Charlene: (pointing at Eliza.) WELL SHE STARTED IT FIRST!!!
Eliza: (pointing at Charlene.) NO, SIR!! SHE STARTED IT FIRST!!!
Charlene: Well first of all, Eliza, you haven’t any business of calling me a little slinky Puerto Rican whole, also a Tito Puente slut, and even a dummy as well!!
Eliza: And you, bitch, have no right calling me a Mexican skank!! Plus, you just took an idea I once had first of saving that boy from that tree into this police business!! That’s why you did it all wrong!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, YOU BOOB?!!!
Charlene: WHY YOU ROTTEN, SNOTTY, GOO FOR NOTHING------------------
Commissioner Gibson: CHILL OUT, BOTH OF Y’ALL!!! Now first off, I am getting sick and tired of you two ladies fighting against one another, calling each other, calling each other names, criticizing, underestimating, yelling, and screaming at each other like you’re yahoos, and telling each other who’s the best cop in the world who knows how to serve and protect the most just to impress those gorgeous and handsome guys you girls like the most!! So either you two in the courtesy to start working together as a team as detectives, and start getting along with each other real soon, or you both will be out of the police force for good!! Do I make myself clear?!! Think it over, ladies!
Eliza & Charlene: (calmly and sadly.) Yes, sir.