In The Haze

My mind went blank, seeing nothing but you. I felt like I was falling and I started to move. This was my escape, my fear and fate. I hate this. Being so weak. Even though I knew it was wrong and didn't need it, I still went back to it... Back to you. This was sick and I was worse for loving it. I moved with the lights and music around me, not knowing if I was ever in the place I was seeing. It didn't matter anymore. I started to laugh, or maybe I was screaming, maybe both. In this world, my world, it didn't matter. Thinking back, I remember doing this was to be free... But now I was a prisoner to my own insanity. In my drag haze, the bounding of the music, blinding flashing lights, I could only spin with you and whisper three words:
"I love you."
I could never say them when I wasn't like this. I'd be to afraid. Afraid of what you'd think or say back, being hurt so many times before I doubt it would matter. You were different though. This, all this, I would give up if you asked me to. I'd throw away the drugs I'd gotten addicted to to escape my father, these parties that made me need the drugs, and I'd leave the boyfriend that hit me to make himself fell better. All you'd have to do is whisper the words back. The three words I whispered to you, each night. The three words you said back to me the night I ended your life.
The words,

I love you...