In Admiration

In admiration, eyes stare transfixed upon her soft curls and flawless face. They no not of the girl underneath the meticulously placed make up that highlight her facial features. They simply see the shell; the outer layers of skin and bone that do their best to protect the fragile soul underneath, but still it is marked and scared by the unrelenting world. She is not the beautiful girl that she carries herself as; she is a broken heart searching for someone to mend and repair the damage of the one before. He was something unknown to her before. A creature that’s perfection shown upon his first encounter with her. The one she found herself to wonder how she managed to live without his presence before and never wanted to know how it would feel if he were to leave. He had broken the supposedly unbreakable girl, and she steps forward in her world, stride unwavering. It is truly a wonder how those eyes of admiration stare upon this girl for superficial and trifle things such as appearance, when in reality it should be for her bravery.
Each step away from him seemed heavier than the last. The feeling that a part of you was left where you once stood is overwhelming. Soft pools of tears had formed under her eyes and threatened to fall. She could hear his soft apologies in some corner of her mind, but right now it was impossible to focus on anything. The only thought that streamed through her mind was to get away. The very idea sounded more pleasing then the action she had to take to complete it. Her memories of the time flash by with each one seeming to strike a foul chord in her heart. It is an unbearable feeling. The loss of something you love. A person is the most difficult to lose, because though you can lose a favorite toy, you soon find a new one to keep you amused. This is the resilience of a child. A child’s ability to rebound from a place that is so rarely visited by the human psyche, because of the pain and grief caused is non-comparable to the pain and loss of adulthood. This crucial aspect of life known as growing up being the very thing that drives people to the edge, and she only realizes this now. This gut-wrenching heartbreak explodes upon reaching the sanctuary of her home. The tears she held in so strongly run down in endless streams. Her body shakes as anguished sobs escaped her lips. She feels weak and pathetic, but remains unable to stop this indescribable pain slowly incasing her in its spell. She scrambles through her many items to find what she is looking for; when she finds it she curls on to her bed sobbing harder. Her parents can only look on in fear, not knowing how to comfort and care for their beloved daughter. She will fall asleep eventually, still clinging to the small teddy bear for dear life.
Her footsteps are strong as she commands the very air around her. She is born leader and has the personality to match, but today she would rather pull the covers over her head and pretend tomorrow would never come. She felt empty, like something that had once become so natural, so fitted to her daily life had disappeared in the dead of night. Her casual smile and soft laughter leave all around her fooled behind the mask of sincerity and euphoria she wears. She is not whole inside. She is shattered and left to pick up the remnants that are even there to find. Her friends are unaware that deep inside the pocket of her backpack lies a small pile of brown fur happily bearing a small red heart. They are unaware of the emotional turmoil that rages like a storming see within her mind. No one knows, and she intends to keep it that way. The one she trusted has vanished from her life, and left her to shrivel and die. There is no reason to express her pain upon others who may also choose to go. In silence she sits, the occasional monotone question from the teacher is the only thing to bring her from her revelry, but only for a while. It is not long before she is slipping again, falling into the abyss of her own subconscious, wandering the darkness of what used to be her hopes and dreams.
She rides the bus with quiet contemplation. Her mind drowns out the loud hollers of the various passengers. It is commanding in tone, and convincing like the devil. She is not whole, and feels without a dream to follow what point is there in the life she once lived. Her reality, once better than her own imagination could dream of is back to the mindless droning of day to day events. It is all worthless. She is worthless. She enters her house some place she may have once called a home, but now she had found a home somewhere else. In the manifestation of what she knew as human perfection. She climbs slowly up the stairs, the house devoid of life neigh the flock of crows sleeping in a near tree. The door shuts to a solemn and dark room. The shadows cast against the closed window will lie unnoticed to any who may pass by. The last sound to be heard is the muffled fall of what may have been a chair. Then all is still.