NOT HERE

                                                  NOT HERE



How can I rid this pain in my heart,

    this pain in my soul, my being?



It came when you left

    that deep, dark, nothing day.



That day is a fog, a haze of noise, screams, prayers unanswered, blankness.



This day, and every day after, is void, empty, nothing

    you are not here, not now, not ever.



Not here. Your jabber, your bouncy bounce,

    your mutant ninja smile,



There is no more for you.



No 7th birthday, no fights with Sister, no more

    treehouse, no marriage, no kids, no future, no past.



No more "Grandma, teach me to read, please".



No more kissing the Boo-Boos

    on the biggest Boo-Boo of all

          it didn't work.



We don't work, out of sync

fractured in time and space.



On a bright sunny day in June

    after a swim

          while singing a silly Girl Scout song.



And then you were gone.



Oh GOD! Take this pain.



Make it,

    not here.







For CODY Nov.6, 1984 - June 10, 1991.