Capstone Final draft

         

Parenting: the Tiger or American Method

When Amy Chua's The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother came out, there was an uproar of disbelief regarding her parenting methods. The way she threatened, punished and depending on how the reader viewed it, sometimes bullied, her children was considered unacceptable by Western standards. However, to other Tiger Parents, the way Chua acted was normal, acceptable, and maybe even considered lenient. Although most cultures, regardless of background, all wish for success for their children, they all have different methods of achieving it. The stricter, harsher methods of Tiger Parenting are more effective than the softer, yet more loving practices of American Parenting in instilling values of obedience to one's elders and dedication to school.

Tiger Parenting believes the ends justify the means. Amy Chua once dramatically threatened her older daughter, Sophia, while they were at the piano, that "if the next time's not perfect, [she would] take all of [Sophia's] stuffed animals and burn them". (Chua 28) While many Western parents would never resort to such drastic measures, these threats are enough for most sensible children to get their acts together and do as the parent requires. This "fear factor" of watching every last stuffed animal in the child's possession burn up in flames is a powerful form of psychology that clearly states the parents' authority and power over the child. In addition, at Kim Wong Keltner's childhood home, "there was constant pressure to succeed. You were expected to do everything perfectly and there was no room for mistakes, no room for being goofy, playful. For being a kid." (Keltner Tiger Babies Strike Back) This controlling atmosphere is typical of a household run by tiger parents. However, as a successful UC Berkeley graduate, Keltner is another example of how the ideologies of tiger parents are effective. This shortened lifespan of "being a child" helps to mature kids faster, so they are ready to make important decisions sooner in their lives, and get ahead of their counterparts, whose parents aren't as strict. The "constant pressure" in her household helped lead her to her success; the subconscious knowledge that failure would bring shame upon not only herself, but also her family drove her to succeed and be embarrassed by the fact that she did not live up to her parents' expectations.

Failure in a household run by Tiger parents is nonexistent. The simple Tiger solution to not failing, says Gwen Dewar, of the Parenting Science Blog, is the "effort-and the belief that effort is a key ingredient to [tiger parenting] success". (Dewar parentingscience.com) Frequently, it is actually mind over matter- sometimes, belief is all a person needs to get something done. Tiger parents believe that kids cannot decide for themselves what they need, because they lack the foresight and maturity needed to make good decisions; that belief in itself is strong enough for Tiger parents to begin controlling every aspect of their childrens' lives. Amy Chua said, when Lulu brought home a poor math grade, she "hand-made practice tests and hand wrote them, and drilled them with [Lulu] for a week, and the next test, she did really well" (Chua abcnews.go.com). Chua understood that in order to succeed at anything, practice is unavoidable. Instead of consoling Lulu and telling her it was okay not to be good at something, she turned around and bombarded Lulu with more and more math, until she got good at what she used to be bad at. Nobody starts off being good at anything. One can only be good through practice, and though many people would argue that this was not normal for a ten-year-old to only be doing math at the level of a twelve or thirteen-year-old until it was flawless, it is also arguable that in this case, the old adage "practice makes perfect" rings true. Not only was Sophia accepted into Harvard, but Lulu began loving math after that experience. Therefore, Chua must be doing something right.

Western parents give in too easily to the wants of their children. At the music school the Chuas attended, there was a seven-year-old girl "who was required to practice for one minute per day for every year of her age," (Chua 27). At this rate, it would not be surprising if she never progressed in her musical studies. This is shocking, that a seven-year-old would only have to practice for seven minutes every day. That would be one run-through of a one-page song, sight-reading for the first time. A classmate whose mother let her skip school for two days to go to a video gaming convention, in Anaheim, hosted by Blizzard Entertainment, where people come internationally to participate. This year, she is permitted to go, once more, on the condition that she doesn't skip school for any reason until then. Even though the deal has a positive outcome on both ends, bribing or striking deals with kids like that shows a lack of authority on the parent's side. Once the incentive is gone, there is no more drive to have a perfect attendance- and any future incentives will have to become bigger and bigger, also simultaneously spoiling the child. Eventually, the parent will run out of incentives that are bigger and better than the previous, and whatever behavior Mom or Dad wishes to enforce will have no backing. It is better to have no incentives, and for parents to play the "I am your parent, and you therefore must listen to me" card, than have good behavior rewarded, because good behavior should be a given, and incentives simply show the child that he/she has leverage over the parent, when in reality, the parent should have most, if not all of the power.

Asian Parenting is strict, yet everything the parents say or do has good intentions. While Chinese parents tend to focus on the negative aspects of the child, this is to "push" them, not to discourage them, as many Western followers of Chua and Tiger Parenting believe. "They don't say 'I love you', but they cook you food and prepare your clothes to show they care for you." (Jingjing, Global Times China) Even though Tiger parents do not verbally say "I love you", they still care, and consequently show their love by "pushing" the child to become better at whatever it is. Actions speak louder than words: sometimes, when people say "I'm sorry," they don't actually mean it. Similarly, to show they love their kids, Tiger parents take care of their kids-if not emotionally, then physically. China's history of "people thriving at the top and scraping by at the bottom" has also contributed to the "traditional Chinese drive for perfection in children," present in the nature of typical Chinese-Asian Tiger parenting. (Anwar newscenter.berkeley.edu) Tiger parents believe that with success, comes happiness, and if a good education and perfection are part of the path to success, then it is the children's duty as students to do the very best they can, using whatever it takes to stay on that path.

Parents want to see their kids be successful, some more than others, and that is where the differences in parenting tactics come in to play. There are many different ways of parenting-none better than the rest; however, some are more effective than others in instilling discipline and obedience. The softer, more emotional Western approach to parenting, while more loving, is not as effective at enforcing the principles of filial discipline and obedience as the more rigid Tiger approach to parenting.