He Came To Me

He Came To Me

Jesus came to me last night and stood at the foot of my bed.

I awoke and saw a faint shadow of a person standing there. I slowly reached in to my night stand to grab my gun.

Jesus was like, "Fear me not Eric; I know you plan on shooting me".

I was like, "Who the fuck are you and why are you in my house"

"It is me the Lord, and I know you need me in these times of trouble."

I grabbed my gun and shot him; He fell to the ground and started making these gurgling, wheezing sounds.
Shit, I figured if he was Jesus he could dodge that shit.

I hopped out of bed and ran over to him, he was like, "Why did you shoot me I told you I was Jesus."

I was like, "If you're the son of God the how can I shoot you, you should be able to get all Matrix and shit or stop the bullets."

Jesus went on to explain that anytime that he comes to earth he must assume a mortal form. I was like damn, this is some fucked up shit cause now Jesus is spitting up blood and his pupils are becoming fixed and dilated...I know he's slipping away.
I shot him dead in the chest and he even complimented me on my marksmanship, that Jesus, he's always one to give words of encouragement in our times of need.

I was like, "Jesus, I'm sorry I shot you. Can this be like the time when you died for all our sins and stuff?"

Jesus was like, "Yes my son this will absolve all mankind of their sins till I return."

So there you have it, all ya'll mother fuckers have me to thank!

Peace.