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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2003109-Youre-the-Last-One-Left
Rated: 18+ · Other · Death · #2003109
A young man hallucinates, or does he?





You're the Last One



by




Pyramid Jones
































Mark Carter, chief of police for the small town of _______ pushed back the lilting drape and looked out the window, deep in thought. The sergeant came into the bedroom.
“He came in here, looks like,” said the chief.
“Got any word as to why the guy was here in the first place?” said the sergeant.
“Just a crazy I guess. Any ID on him?”
“No. Nothing on him. Looks like he came in, had a look around, found the gun and offed himself. Just a crazy suicide,”
The chief paused, still trying to figure it. “Let's get the Bob out here. We'll run his prints, see if we can get a hit somewhere. Where's Miss Lackey?”
“Outside. We told her we needed to clear the area,”
“Good. Poor woman doesn't need any more trauma,”
The breeze stirred the drape.





































Page 1


I awoke lying with my face in the green grass. As my eyes opened and I came to my senses I became aware of some clucking sounds coming from nearby. I rose to a sitting position. There was a pen of chickens. Their black eyes were firm and clear and sure and indomitable as the clucked and pecked and moved about the pen. The wire was cobbled up around several gray, weathered posts stuck in the ground. I saw a house, an old farmhouse type dwelling. I looked and on the lay a sword. I was fascinated by the sword, a strange object for a barnyard. It looked well made. Just at this time, a blaring noise emanated from inside the house. I recognized it as a chainsaw. I stood and reached for the sword just as a man wearing some kind of mask burst forth from the house, banging open the screen door. It was a large man, wearing a suit and tie. He charged forth onto the lawn and I prepared to defend myself with the sword. My heart began to race. The man charged, raising the chainsaw above his head, revving it madly. Smoke belched from the instrument.
I wielded the sword with both hands. It was surprisingly light. When the man reached me I could see his eyes and the strange mask which appeared to be skin.
I thrust the sword towards his midsection and the deflected it with his arms. He brought the screaming saw down and I dodged just in time. The sound was so loud my ears were deafened. I took the sword and pirouetted, knowing this might be a good attack but that it would leave me vulnerable. When I came around, the chainsaw was coming across his body towards me. The sword cleared the saw and sliced through the man's neck. I could smell a foul stench coming from the man. The saw continued on and struck the hilt of the sword, removing my pinkie. It fell to the grass and the man toppled over backwards. Blood was pumping from his neck. He shuddered and his arms and legs moved about some, then he became still.
I stood there a moment, hoping he was dead. I looked around for other attackers and seeing no one, I took a big swing with the sword and cut the man's head off. I stood for a few moments longer then looked at my finger. It was bleeding pretty good and I felt of the stump with my other hand. The blood was warm and sticky. I held the wound and began to think of where I could get help.
The driveway led out to another road and a fence. I began making my way towards this road. I walked for a while, noticing at intervals the blood from my finger dripping into the dirt, dark and wet. There were some cows moving around in the field inside the fence. The grass and weeds were high along the road. I came to an asphalt country two lane and looked for cars. I began to walk. After what must have been a couple hours of walking past fields and ditches, a pickup approached.
I waved it down. The pickup stopped and I went to the window.
“I hurt my finger,” I said.
The man had clear blue eyes and bushy brown hair.
“You did?” he said. “You need a ride?”
“Yeah,”
“Where do you want to go? Hospital's thirty miles away in Dexter,”
“Can I call an ambulance?”
“I can stop at one of these houses. You might make a call,”
I got in the truck. It was dirty and oily and smelled of gasoline. We took off slowly and drove to a house on another road.
“Hold on. I'll see if you c an use the phone. I know these people,”
I waited in the truck until a woman in a dress and apron approached.
“Hi there,” she said through the window.
“Hi,” I said. “Can I use your phone? I hurt my finger,” I raised my bloody hands, still holding the wound.
“Let me have a look,” she said. I noticed her eyes were blue too but not as clear as the man's.
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I showed her what was left of my finger.
“Cut it off, did you?”
“Yeah,”
“Well, I guess you can make a call. Can you get out?”
I got out of the pickup.
“Who are you gonna call anyway?”
“Well, I thought the ambulance,”
The woman looked away in thought. “There's a fire rescue squad in town. Let's call them. They'll know what to do,”
I waited in the yard while the woman made the call inside. The sun was low and dusk was on. I waited in the yard until a rescue truck pulled into the gravel driveway.
Two men, uniformed, approached.
“What's the problem?” One man said with reserve.
“I cut my finger off,” I stuck out my hand. He examined the finger.
“Let's get you in the truck,” the man said. I heard him say something about the hospital to the other man. I sat in the back of the truck on the way to the hospital, watching the fields and houses pass through the window.
I got out of the truck at the entrance to the ER. It was dark now and the red lights of the hospital glowed. They took me to a room. A doctor appeared. The place was clean and cool
“Well, how did you manage this?” said the doctor.
“I just cut it off,” I said.
“I can see that,”
After the finger was dressed and bandaged a woman came into the room. She began a series of questions.
“Is this a self-inflicted wound?” she said.
I replied 'yes', thinking on the spur of the moment this would explain things and then I could leave.
“Have you ever done anything else like this before?”
“No,”
She asked a few more questions then told me to wait while she consulted the doctor. She left. After some time she returned.
“The doctor has admitted you to a facility nearby if you have no objections to going. Would you object to going to a facility where we can get you some help?”
“No, I guess not,” At this point I wasn't sure where or what I was going to do anyway.
“Okay, good. An ambulance will take you there as soon as we can manage,”
The woman seemed tired and kind of listless. She left again. I waited another good chunk of time until the ambulance drivers came in. I went with them and got in the back of the ambulance. I could see traffic lights pass through the small window in the back door.
We arrived at the mental health facility. The drivers let me out and we went to the front door where one of the drivers engaged an intercom.
“We've got a patient for you,” he said into the intercom.
“We'll have a nurse there in a minute. Thank you,” came the reply.
The night was warm and sticky. The place was well tended. The bushes and shrubs were trimmed nicely and beds of flowers ran around the side of the building. It was a pretty big place, stretching back who knew how far into the property.
A large male nurse appeared at the glass double doors. He smiled as he unlocked the doors. The guy was obviously a body builder.
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“Got another one for ya',” said the driver.
“Okay, we'll take good care of him,” said the nurse who smiled again. He was very handsome man and stood over six feet. I followed him into a well lit lobby with nice leather chairs and couches.
“If you'll wait here, I'll get intake to start your processing,”
I nodded. He disappeared behind a door. I noticed the doors were heavy and wooden with small keypads on them. I waited some more until a woman in a suit appeared from another door.
“Come this way please,” she said.
I followed her down a hallway and we went into an office.
“You can have a seat,” she said.
I sat down in a nice chair and faced her across a desk. She began typing at a computer.
“What's your name?” she said.
I paused, struck by the question.
“I'm not sure. I think it's Bobby,”
“You don't know your name?” she seemed exasperated.
“Not really,” I smiled.
She sat up and pushed back from the desk.
“Well how did you get here? I mean, where are you from?”
“I don't know,” All I could remember were the events that had transpired that day.
“You're not kidding?”
“No,”
“What do you remember?”
I wasn't sure what to say.
“I cut my finger off,”
“You cut your finger off. Okay, how did that happen?”
“A guy attacked me,”
“A guy attacked you,”
I felt like asking her why she kept on repeating me but didn't.
“Who was it?” she said. “Did you know the person?”
“No,”
“Where did this take place?”
“Somewhere in the country. I'm not really sure where I am,”
“So a guy attacked you in the country. What happened to him? I mean, where is he now?”
“He's dead,”
“He's dead? You killed him?”
It was obvious she was incredulous.
“And you can't remember anything before this?”
“No,”
“Wow. That's quite a story. Okay, hold on. I'll report it to the doctor,”
She left. More waiting and she came back in.
“The doctor has decided to admit you for observation. Is that okay?”
“How long will I be here?”
“Standard hold is seventy two hours. The doctors will decide after that. The nurse will take you back to the unit.
The male nurse appeared again and led me back through the lobby and through another door. We made a few turns, passed a doorway opening into a cafeteria, and came to a set of double doors that were apparently operated by a magnetic lock. The door clicked open after he punched in a code and we continued into a large room. A glass door led to a small fenced outside area to the right. An enclave
Page 4


where two nurses sat stood in the middle of the room. Chairs and tables were aligned around both sides of the space. It wasn't bright but it wasn't dark either. Tall glass windows lined one wall and looked out on a small courtyard. He took me to the nurse's enclave where a nurse began to take my vital signs.
“We'll get you some scrubs here in a minute and show you to your room,” the nurse said. She was pretty with blond hair. I waited as my blood pressure and heart rate were checked. I had to sign a few papers and waited some more as the nurses milled around and talked, doing their jobs.
One of the nurses went down a hallway and reappeared with some greenish scrubs. She took me to a room down an identical hallway on the other side.
The room was sparsely furnished with a bed and a desk. There was a bathroom with a shower in the room I was directed to strip down and put on the scrubs. The nurse went through my pockets and placed my clothes in a bag.
“Activities are over for the day. You can sit in the day room or stay in your room. Breakfast is at seven. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, kind of,” I said.
“I'll see if I can get you something,”
She left with the bag and I stood a moment in silence. The place was very quiet. After a moment I heard the sound of snoring coming from one of the other rooms. I was tired but not very sleepy. I sat down on the bed up against the wall and replayed the events of the day in my mind. The nurse returned with a sandwich and some milk. I ate then lay back down on the bed and fell asleep.

A nurse woke me around six thirty. I asked if I could take a shower. She said I should probably wait until after breakfast. I figured I could leave the room then and I walked out into the hallway and to the day room. Several other patients were awake. One woman had a blanket wrapped around her. They were wearing the same green scrubs. I sat down in one of the chairs. The nurses were busy with morning duties. A man in a blue work shirt came through and disappeared down another hallway.
The woman with the blanket was asking the nurse something about her medications at the enclave. The nurses were pre-occupied and the woman gave up and sat down. They had given me a set of treaded socks with the scrubs and I noticed the other patients were also wearing them.
I could see the sky through the tall windows. It was overcast with a high layer of white clouds. The courtyard was nice with roses and clean cut grass and a birdbath.
More patients appeared and I saw that the two separate hallways were designated to separate the men from the women. After a time one of the nurses called for breakfast and the patients began to make their way to the double doors where I had come in the previous night.
At seven, the nurse opened the doors and everyone filed into the space I had remembered and into the cafeteria. A line formed where a woman in a hair net dished out food onto trays. The food looked good. There was bacon and eggs, french toast, cereal, biscuits and gravy, and fruit and juice on further down the line. I got some of everything and took a seat at a table. Some of the patients had apparently made acquaintances and talked quietly. No one sat next to me. I looked on in interest, wondering why the other people were there. My finger was still bandaged and throbbed occasionally. I finished my food and soon after they called to return to the unit.
About an hour passed, during which tie I returned to my room and took a shower. A woman in a skirt and blouse announced when I had returned to the day room that a group would take place in the group room in five minutes. I followed as the patients got up and moved down a hallway.
The group room had chairs lined around the walls and posters on the walls with various messages, mostly positive statements about life. There were windows in the room which looked out to the grounds. The room was well lit. Everyone took their seats along the walls and soon a counselor
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came in and sat near the door.
“My name is Catherine and I'm a mental health counselor here and I'll be leading the group,” She looked around and smiled.
“If you're new here, and I do notice we have some new faces, there are some rules. Does anyone want to list the rules?”
No one responded so she continued.
“Okay, well the main rules are simple,” she listed off the rules which included some about not talking and that what is said in here stays in here and things like that.
After that, she started in the corner, and asked everyone to introduce themselves and mention why they were here. This took a while and some of the patients produced long dialogues about their problems or their medications. The counselor asked questions and time moved forward.
When my time came I said my name was Bobby and that I had some problems. I didn't want to mention anything about the finger.
“Okay, Bobby, nice to have you,”
The counselor laid out the topic for the group which happened to be 'getting revenge'. Why do we feel it necessary to get revenge for the wrongs that have been doe to us?
One woman went into great detail about how her husband beat her and how she would kill him if he was there. I listened along with the others. After a long discussion the group ended. Everyone stood and began reciting. “God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” The patients went back into the day room. I took a look around.
There was an activity schedule on the wall and I studied it for a while. I saw that there would be one more group that morning at ten and an activities group in the afternoon. I went to sit down near the windows and noticed a young woman reading a small book. She was attractive in an odd sort of way. She had tightly curled brown hair and sort of round cheeks but she had a nice figure. I decided to talk to her.
“What you readin?” I said, directed at the young woman.
She looked up at me then showed me the cover of the book. It was a small book and reminded me of one of those travelogue guidebooks you get on vacation.
“Crystals, huh?”
“Yeah,” she paused. “They're really neat. This one guy did an experiment with them and music,”
“Oh yeah? That's cool. What's your name?”
“Courtney Colvin,”
This time I paused, waiting for something to say.
“Why are you in here?”
She smiled. “Suicidal I guess,”
I smiled. “Why do you want to commit suicide?”
She shrugged. “I don't know. I've always felt like I was different. Even when I was a little girl,”
“I wish you wouldn't do that,”
“Oh yeah? Why not?” She said this jovially.
“Because you're pretty. The world would be a better place with you in it,”
She looked at me for a moment, then went back to reading.
Soon after this one of the nurses began calling out names for people to see the doctor, who had apparently arrived during group.
When I was called, I made my way to the chair outside the doctor's office and waited. The
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doctor appeared after a few moments with the lady who had the blanket that morning.
“Bobby?” he said, looking at a clipboard.
“Yes,”
“Come on in,”
We entered the office. It was well lit. There was a nice polished wood desk with a computer. There were several pictures on the wall including one of a packed stadium that must have been a football game along with his diploma. I read the diploma. It said, 'Thomas McElroy, licensed by the state of Arizona.... DDP...MD, and some other writing. I took a seat in front of the desk. The doctor punched a few keys on t he computer then looked at me.
“Now, the intake coordinator said you lost a finger in some kind of a fight and that you actually killed the attacker?”
“Yeah,”
“When did this happen?”
“Yesterday,”
“Where were you?”
“On some kind of a farm,”
“Here in __________?”
“Yeah. Somewhere in the country,”
“Okay, well our first course of action is to try and get you better. There are a number of medicines available for this sort of thing. Have you ever heard of Geodon?”
“No sir,”
“Well, it's an atypical anti-psychotic used to treat a number of conditions. Would you mind if we started you on this?”
I didn't know how to respond. I didn't feel like I needed any medicine, but then again after all I did wake up in a strange field and was attacked by a madman.
“I guess, sure, if you think it will help,”
“I do. I'll get it set up with the nurse. We'll try you on it for a while and observe you to make sure you're okay,”
“Alright,”
“Well, thanks Bobby for being cooperative and I hope we can get you better,”
“Oh, well, thank you,”
The doctor rose and I rose and went back to the chair from before. Courtney was gone. I felt suddenly very alone and frightened. Things seemed to be going in a strange, ominous direction, but I couldn't quite define how that was so. Soon, there was another group and then lunch in the cafeteria. I saw Courtney there and kept sneaking glances at her. I wished I could get to know her, but she hadn't seemed very receptive. I got the feeling that she had made her plans and in a sense had everything already worked out. I couldn't remember whether I had ever had relations with a woman. I tried to bring up some sort of memory, but nothing came.
That afternoon the patients were rounded up for activity group. We were led through another set of double doors and down a hallway to a large room with windows all around that looked out on an empty swimming pool, a basketball court, and some hills and trees in the distance.
Some of the patients were given beads and small trinkets with which to make bracelets. Others made translucent cups of multi-colored sand. I had the urge to draw and the activities leader gladly got me a large piece of paper and some markers. I began to sketch the room.
I left the picture in the activities room when group was over and followed the other patients back to the unit.
The sky had cleared and sunlight poured through the tall windows. The afternoon dragged on
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and I fell into a sort of languorous detachment.
That night I was given the first dose of medicine orally at the med station. I swallowed it happily and went to another room where a television was available for viewing. A couple of men were there watching a movie. I sat for a moment and stared at the screen but got no traction on the thing mentally. I honestly felt a little strange. Maybe the medicine was kicking in. I went back to the day room and began to stare at one of the tall windows, which now reflected the scene from the day room. Overlaying this was the dark courtyard. After staring at the window for some time, I became aware of a face in the window. It was stationary and I became very interested and looked harder. The face suddenly moved and disappeared from the picture. I became frightened. I also felt worse, like I had been poisoned. I went to the nurse at the enclave.
“I don't feel well,” I said after getting the nurse's attention.
“It's probably just the medicine. Sometimes it takes a while to adjust to it. I'm sure you'll be fine,”
I didn't feel fine and for the first time I began to wish I had never agreed to come here. I remembered the conversation with the woman at the hospital, when I told her the wound was self-inflicted. I scorned myself for this lie. I should have simply told the truth. But then it occurred to me that that probably wouldn't have mattered. Obviously, the doctors and staff thought I was crazy and had hallucinated the whole thing. After doing a cursory and futile search for a way out of the place I decided the best course of action was to weather the storm and take the medicine. In a few days I would get out and I could go my own way.
The next day a woman claiming to be from social services visited me in my room She asked me a few questions then said she was prepared to offer me a room at a local long term center until I could in effect, get my bearings. I thought about it for a moment then agreed. After all I knew no one and had no place to go. She had me sign a few papers then left. The rest of the stay at the mental hospital was uneventful. I saw Courtney a few more times but said nothing else to her. The medicine was making me feel horrible. I was released and took a van to the residential place. The place was one large building with rooms along the hallways. Some elderly people sat around the place, some watching a large screen television, others in the large cafeteria which was decorated with flowers and wallpaper.
One of the cooks, a pretty woman with short blond hair was talking animatedly with some of the patients. She was saying something about the tea which she placed out regularly in a large metal receptacle.
I was shown to a room, which was small and connected by bathroom with another room. It had a bed and a couch. The nurse in charge told me they would try to find me a television. I sat down on the bed and took a deep breath. I felt horrible. The medicine was still giving me the feeling I had been poisoned. After a while I went out to the common area and to the front porch, where some people were smoking. A fat man in overalls who seemed rather intimidating approached me and asked me for a cigarette.
“I don't have anything,” I said and went away, to the other side of the porch. Two women were talking there. I sat down in a lawn chair and listened. After a while one of the women addressed me.
“Well, honey, what happened to you?”
“Oh, I just got out of the hospital,” I said.
“I hate being in the hospital. Last month I fell and broke my wrist. The nurses were horrible. They were mean,” she shook her head. “And the food was terrible,” she grimaced.
“Did you hurt your finger?”
“Yeah,”
“Well, honey, this is a nice place,”
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“For the most part,” said the other woman.
“Well, yes you do have some problems Brenda, but that's just you,” she smiled.
I thought her teeth were kind of funny. Her hair was fixed and I noticed a bandage around her leg.
“Do they lock this place at night?” I said.
“Honey, they lock the doors good and tight every night. No one's going to bother you here,”
That evening I sat in my room staring at the wall when a nurse knocked on my door and came in.
“Med time,” she said.
“Do you have to take your meds?”
“Well, it's doctor's orders. I'm afraid so.” She paused then shuffled a few things on her cart. “Why don't you want to take your meds?”
“They make me sick,”
“Did you just start taking them?”
“Yeah,”
“Well, it takes time to adjust to them. Your body will adjust,”
I thought about saying 'that's what the nurse at the hospital said' but let it go.
I took the medicine and within two hours I felt the strange, poisoned feeling return. My consciousness shifted also in an ominous way.
That night I lay awake, trying to formulate a plan. I knew the situation I was in was becoming unacceptable and I was certain I was facing a great mass of immovable and ultimately frustrating bureaucracy that was maddening to the point of violence. I decided to leave. No time like the present. I had no belongings so nothing to take.
It was late, probably around midnight. I left my room into the darkened quiet hallway. I walked quietly to the common area. A large clock on the wall delivered the time. 12:15. I went to the front door and saw that it was locked from the inside by a deadbolt. My heart began to pound for some reason as I unlocked the door, trying not to make much noise. The door cracked open and I slipped outside, closing the door after me. The yard was quiet. Bushes and flowers were shadowy forms in the dark. The night was cool. I began walking towards the highway.
I began jogging along the margin of the road. I stepped on a dead opossum and cringed at the nastiness. I wanted to wash my shoe. I jogged on and soon saw cars moving along a highway. I stopped, slightly out of breath and considered my options. Maybe I could get a lift on the highway. Maybe the police would pick me up. Maybe the highway led to a larger city.
The road tilted into a sharp embankment. I left the road, crossed a ditch and came out on the margin of a larger highway. An eighteen wheeler rushed by causing a turbulent rush of wind in its wake. I looked both ways down the road, picked a direction and began walking.
After a mile or so, I came to a large green sign that said _______, twelve miles. Probably a bigger city. There wasn't much out here except fields. I continued on. Big trucks continued to pass me. I crossed an overpass and noticed a glow in the bottoms of clouds in the distance. Lights of a city. I continued on. I began to pass a few houses and closed convenience stores. I came into the city sometime later. I passed a hospital and crossed a railroad track towards the heart of the city. Soon I was on a strip of highway with plenty of fast food restaurants. I was a little hungry and wished I had some money for a burger. I wondered how I knew things like money and burgers and such but as of yet I still had no memories. I walked past several motels, smelling the meat cooking from the restaurants. I came to a large intersection and waited for the light to cross. I saw a large mall and headed for it.
I took a seat on a bench in front of Target and waited. I had no idea of what to do. I thought of
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getting a job and starting a life but I had no identification or money. I sat on the bench, fighting mosquitoes until a small light shone on the horizon. The sun was coming up.
People began to park in the big lot for work and made their way into the mall. The day progressed. I had a look around the mall when it opened then went back outside. I thought about trying to ask someone for help but decided against it.
I took the highway again which was now busy with traffic. I turned off into a neighborhood, wary of the fast traffic. It was quiet. I passed the houses. Some of them were quiet dilapidated. Dogs barked as I passed. I saw a police cruiser turn onto the road I was on and having no present side road to take put my head down and continued walking. The cruiser pulled up in front of me and stopped. May heart sank. A vision of what was about to happen passed through my mind.
The cop sat in his car for a while and I stood and waited. He got out of the cruiser and approached me.
“Hey guy, what are you doing out here?”
“Just walkin,”
“Just walkin, huh? Got some ID?”
“No sir,”
“Where are you coming from?”
I thought for a moment, considering my answer carefully. “I don't really know,” I finally said.
The cop grew suspicious. “You don't know where you are coming from?”
Why is everyone always repeating me?
“No, sir,”
He said something into a radio attached to his waist.
“We've had some disturbances in the area. I'm just wondering what you're doing out here,”
“I don't know. Just walkin,”
“Well, we can't have people just walking around out here. You don't know anything about a store over there that was vandalized do you?”
“No, sir,”
He said something else into his radio, something like...'male subject. Says he's got no ID'
“We're gonna take you down to the station and try to figure out what's going on. I think you know something about that vandalism,”
I didn't say anything. The cop put handcuffs on me and put me in the back of the cruiser. When we reached the station, there were more questions and I told them about the residential facility. After some waiting another cop told him they were going to transport me back to the residential home.
I immediately saw what I was up against. I began to form another plan as the fields ran by the windows on my way back.
I got back to the home. Nothing was different. I ate lunch and went back to my room. I knew I should probably wait a week or so before trying to get away again. But I would have to suffer through the poisoning of the medicine. What if I refused the meds? I wasn't sure what they would do but didn't figure it would be good. They might simply turn me out, but they might send me back to the hospital. Courtney would be long gone and who knows where that would lead. A longer term hospital where I was basically in prison. No, I had to have a better plan.
I was on my bed again, pondering my situation. A novel idea came to me. Maybe I should try to go back to the place all this started and try to figure out how I got there. I remembered the series of roads and highways, some of it in a rescue truck or and ambulance. No way to find that again. My main problem was food. How could I survive with no money and no way to get any? I considered stealing things from stores and decided this was too risky. It was obvious too that the city was no place to be. Getting out into open space was going to be the problem. I would just have to be more careful.
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Stay away from the roads. It was all I could see to do. At least it was summertime. I steeled myself to wait a week and try again.
The week passed very slowly and the effects of the medicine were getting worse. On a Thursday, six days later, late in the night, I broke again. This time I went the other way and when headlights approached I left the road and found cover.
When day came, I found myself traveling along a ditch at the edge of a field. I stopped and sat down. It was hot but I felt a lot better. The sky was clear. The place hummed with the sound of insects and trickling water. I decided I must find someone to give me a ride. I rose and continued on. That night it rained and lightninged. I found some shelter under a tree but became soaked. I dozed for a while and when I woke it was dawn again. I crossed ore fields, came to a ditch, followed it to an old wooden bridge and continued on down a gravel road. I came to a house in the distance. Several large dogs prowled near the road and I left back into a field. I traveled several days like this, avoiding cars and houses. I was hungry, tired, and very thirsty. I knew I had to have water. Soon after this, I saw traffic passing along a highway in the distance. I made it to the highway and traveled along it for a while out of sight near the bottom of a large ditch.
I came up to look around and saw a gas station on the other side of the highway with a restaurant. I was going to have to steal something after all. I began to run through scenarios in my mind. After not being able to hit on something clever, I decided the only way to do it was to just do it. I entered the store and went to the back where the coolers were.
I pretended to be looking for something, waiting for a distraction. Someone came in the store. I saw them from the corner of my eye. I quickly took two bottles of water, stuffed them in my pants and made my way to the front. I made a pantomime and acted like I was talking to someone outside.
“I forgot my money,” I said as the cashier was helping the customers and went out the door. I skimmed quickly but not running to the side of the building and made the corner. There was a patch of woods which I made for. When I made it to the trees I picked up speed. I ran for a while, then stopped and drank the water. I listened for sirens but heard nothing but the silence of the afternoon. I felt a little better. I was tired and very hungry. I knew I was going to have to do something desperate and try to get some help.
I made it to another road and decided to try and flag down someone who might help me. I began to look at the passengers of the few cars that passed. When I saw an independent looking woman passing in a pickup, I waved my arms furiously.
She gave me a once over and continued on. I didn't know what to do. I turned in the direction the truck went and began walking along the highway. I was too crestfallen and tired now to avoid cars.
I walked several miles when I saw the pickup with the woman parked in a carport off the road. I turned in and made my way up the drive, looking for dogs. I stepped up on the porch and listened. I knocked on the door. No answer. I stood, ready to give up. I went towards the back yard. The yard was neat. I noticed flowers and a yard gnome. The woman was placing clothes on a line.
“Hey,” I yelled.
When the woman saw me, I held out my bandaged hand and said, “I need some help.”
She looked at me for a moment then yelled, “You get outta here! There's no help here mister! Get outta here!”
“Please,” I yelled, “I really need some help,”
“You've got two seconds before I call the police,” she yelled.
I turned and made my way back towards the front. I followed the driveway back to the road.
I continued on the road. I saw an old abandoned barn off the highway and made my way to it. I found a dry spot to sit on the ground. I was tired, hungry, and out of luck. The grass was dry and soft and I stretched out on the ground. I fell asleep.
Page 11


I dreamed of the man who had attacked me in the country. It was a bizarre dream where I was trapped inside the old farmhouse, scared out of my mind. When I woke up, it was night.
I could rob her. Break into her house and get some food.
I left the barn. It was very dark and there were no stars. I made my way back down the highway to her house. I waited some distance away and watched. Dawn finally came and I saw the woman open her door, get in her truck and pull away. I ran to the house after waiting for her to get out of sight. I went to the back yard again and found a large landscaping stone to break a window.
I broke the window, stopping to listen. There were no sounds so I cleared away the glass with the rock and climbed inside. I was in her bedroom. Everything was neat and clean. I went into the kitchen to find food. I stood a moment thinking. I didn't want to steal anything. I saw a cabinet in the living room out of the corner of my eye. I went over to it and opened it. There was a black pistol on a shelf with some bullets in a small case next to it. I couldn't think of any other way out. It was clear. I struggled with the gun and finally got it loaded.
I put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger.







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