A letter from Delilah (a background character in my novel) to herself.
"It's funny how we all think we're so strong, so individual and adaptable. But in reality every single one of us are the same. That's why people fight. That's why they struggle and squirm against each other, against the tide. They are the ones who are effected the most. Those who try the hardest to be 'unique' are the ones hiding who they truly are. Why? Because human beings are disgusting, filthy, and sadistic creatures. Lives filled with greed, selfishness and spite. No one does anything that truly has no benefit to themselves. Even those doing 'selfless' acts are doing it to reach some higher place, or be granted something by whichever god or deity they follow. No one can escape that not you, not the prime minister or president, not high society or the homeless. No one is spared the 'gift' that is mankind."
It is a sad affair when someone truly believes a statement such as that. When every part of them has given up hope on anything humans do. But that's what it has come to. There's so much hate bubbling inside us that we're surprised we keep it together this much. But you knew that already. The problem is we keep forgetting our-self, and this time we slipped up badly and now we're lost in a see of human emotions that we never thought we'd feel, battling not to drown.
See, that statement is something we live by now, you remember. After Sebastian we took our-self away from the rest of the world and we dedicated our everything to art, to putting what is in our head onto canvas. It was a lonely existence for a long time. Do you remember that? The long seemingly endless nights. We have a cat but she comes and go's, which suits us well. But it was lonely, we thought we were OK with it, then Sebastian and Lily turned up once more, with a candyfloss-haired teenager in tow. Half of our being was so angry that we wanted to squish them there and then, so many thoughts that ran through our head as we watched them approach. But then there was the other half of us, the part that was secretly relieved to see them again and excited every time they come rapping on my door. But you know this. Of course you know all that we have to say. Never the less, there's a secret that you must never forget, which is why we're writing to you.
Now that we think about it, the main reason is probably to MAKE you remember. To make sure you don't forget what they did. What she did. No, that's unfair actually. It wasn't just her. It was all of us. She came to us with what she wanted and we helped her. You know what we're talking about right? Lilium's little scheme to stop that crazy Doctor. We're not going to pretend it didn't thrill us in the process as it was the most deception we'd seen in decades. We're also not going to pretend that we didn't enjoy the look on Lily's face when Sebastian told her to leave. But that's us, bitter, sadistic and cruel. It's what time does do you isn't it? We followed and helped in the plan because we saw how it was going to turn out, in a way. We could see it wasn't going to work and knew it would put a wedge between Sebastian and Lily.
The only problem is we didn't count on little Hannah getting so involved with the situation. That's our regret. We may be a twisted, hateful being sometimes but we never meant for that candyfloss girl to get hurt, let alone killed. She should have stayed out, like we had told her but it happened so fast. We didn't even try to save her. We just stood and watched on that blurry camera. We even have that tape, how disgusting is that? But we don't know what to do with it. It makes us sick. Sebastian doesn't know we have it and you can never tell him. Ever. If you do you might as well tell him how we feel as well, how we love him. No, loved him. The feeling will never go but it's locked away in our hearts.
You know that quote we started with? We'll tell you that worst part of it. Or the redeeming feature, whichever way you look at it. Granted all those things we do believe, it's true. But we both know it's more then that. Yes humankind can be the most disgusting race and yet here we are, an almost timeless entity trying our hardest to fit in with them. We want to be part of that disgustingly selfish race because we have never met another that is so passionate, so creative and so free. Their minds are incredible, we both know that, we've seen into them. All their little quirks and pitfalls just make them more appealing. We are more disgusting then they are.
Can we ask you a question, we will never know the answer but just think about it. Do you still feel the same now? Is the disgust gone? Is that desire still burning inside of you, inside of us after all these years?
We hope, for everyone's sake, it still is.