Mom knows best ... A Comedy Club Entry
|The Waiting Game
William opened his eyes to a grey, swirling fog. He shook his head, trying to orient himself. At least my head doesn’t hurt. That was some party! I wonder where I am? How …
His thought was cut off by the appearance of a glowing figure which seemed to pixilate out of nothingness. “Welcome,” it beamed.
The voice seemed very familiar. “Mom? Is that you? But, you’re …”
The figure coalesced into an older, silver-haired woman dressed in a blue-flowered housecoat. “Dead? Of course I am. Remember? You were late for my funeral because of that bimbo you were dating. Well, dear, I’m now in charge of purgatory, and here you are.” He could hear the disapproval in her voice.
“I’m dead too?” William thought and remembered he’d been at a party. He vaguely recalled drinking too much and then deciding to drive himself home. “Did I …?”
“Yes, you did. Remember that curve at the bottom of Hill Street? You missed it completely,” she said accusingly. “You made such a mess! Do you remember the Jacobsons? I think you dated their daughter, Julie, for a while. When was that? Tenth grade, as I recall. She was such a sweet girl and you treated her so badly.”
“Mom! Please, let’s not go there. She was 200 pounds and the only reason I took her to the dance was because you and her mother conspired together. Now, you were saying about the accident?”
“Well, you tore through their front hedge, totally destroyed their collection of garden gnomes – well except for the one that sits on a frog – and, luckily, ended up against their big oak tree.”
“If I’m dead, I don’t see that it was that lucky; at least, not for me.”
“Now, Billy. If it wasn’t for that tree, you’d have ended up in the Jacobson’s living room. Julie was sitting there watching television and might have gotten hurt,” she said reprovingly.
At least I’d have had a soft landing!
“Tch, tch Billy. That wasn’t kind. Remember where you are and why you’re here.”
“Sorry, Mom. Wait! You can hear my thoughts?”
Mom smiled a knowing smile.
William grimaced, took a deep breath, and pressed forward. “So, why am I here and what happens next?”
“Well, your case goes before a jury and, until they decide which way you’re heading, you’re stuck here. Look Billy, I know you were a good boy. You were always kind to others – not counting Julie – but, remember that whole ‘your body is a temple’ thing I used to tell you? You did kind of blow that one, now didn’t you?”
“Mom! This was an accident, not a lifestyle.”
A monitor seemed to appear in the air. Mom started flipping through screens. “From what I see, it was pretty much how you were living your life.”
“Arrrgh! Okay, Mom. Let’s not argue. So, how long will I be here?”
“You always were impatient. Time doesn’t really count here but it will be a while. We don’t get many judges here and even fewer lawyers, you know.”
William nodded in understanding.
“The good news is, I’ve got your room set up just like it used to be until we get a decision. Remember that Buzz Lightyear blanket you used to have? You loved that so much. And, that blue lava lamp you just had to have? They’re all here. Now, the old rules apply. Keep it picked up, no loud music after 8:00, …”
“Mom! I’m an adult. I make my own rules now.”
“Not while I’m in charge. Of course, if you don’t like it, you can leave,” she said with a innocent smile.
She pointed to a glowing “EXIT” sign. “Of course you can, honey. Just be careful of the door, dear – it’s very hot."
An entry for the March round of "The Comedy Club Contest"
Prompt: Open prompt, but must be combined with another genre: Horror/comedy? Romantic/comedy? Speculative Fiction/comedy? ETC.
Word Length: 500 – 3000
Word Count: 635