An impromptu road trip gone wrong
| 'Twas three days before Christmas, the presents were wrapped
But the plans that were settled had just turned to crap
The ex, well you see, finally made up their mind
That to swap kids on Christmas, it wouldn't be kind.
So we changed things around, at the very last minute
"You take them for New-Year's... see then we all win it"
So now for my Christmas, I had nothing to do
But to stare at the stockings, and drown my boo-hoos...
By five Christmas Eve, I had downed some egg-nog
And a thought sort of formed as I watched the Yule log
Without much more thinking, I acted quite quick
I jumped in my truck, it was time for a trip
With GPS set, I started my journey
From my house in North Michigan, I was going to Gurnee
My kid brother Nate had a party he's throwing
If I made good time, it might still be going
500 miles, from here to Chicago
Slick, cold and dark through snow wind and gravel
Things went quite well for the first 100 miles
I thought of Nate's face and the hugs and the smiles
Then what caught my eye, was the GPS blinking
I figured Ild just missed my turn while off thinking
I did what it said, turned around in a flash
And I took the next right, like it said on the dash
I was certain for years that I knew the best way
And this turn was not on it, I heard myself say
But I paid fifty dollars for all this high tech
It was smarter than me, so I quelled my gut check
For the next 13 hours, I turned, and I dodged
I followed the prompts of that manic hodge-podge
I would just start to think I knew where we were going,
Then that darn thing would start with its squawking and moaning.
I took U-turns and K-turns,
I drove backwards and forwards
I took three straight lefts without asking or knowing
I drove to a beach, and a road to nowhere
I drove all damn night as I stammered and sware.
And on the next morning, as dawn started to break,
I had made it to Jersey's East Shore for Pete's sake!