Marital Relationship

DAY EIGHT
Streaming from ‘Day Seven,’ we shall swim around the coast of letter ‘B’ of the DASYN HUB. ‘B’ stands for ‘Baby’. The baby husband has the following character traits, synthesized partly from the earlier brands of husbands we have toured around, including his peculiar traits. The traits put together are:
1. Prefers the wife to be decisive. 2. Understands wife a great deal. 3. Controlling with unquestionable authority. 4. Painstaking. 5. Entitlement mentality. 6. Sees nothing wrong in whatever the wife does against his friends and family members. 7. Very jealous of wife. 8. Believes in wife to a fault. 9. Sees wife as the most attractive. 10. Incomplete without the wife. 11. Defers to the wife most times. 12. Develops blind spot for wife’s faults. 13. Sees wife as a problem solver. 14. Immature. 15. Always baffled at the wife’s intelligence and knowledge. 16. Ever-demanding of his wife. 17. A visitor to his matrimonial home. 18. Providing for the needs of the wife and family. 19. Expects similar love he enjoyed in childhood with the wife. 20. Expects the care of a mother. 21. Recalls the camaraderie as a baby he had enjoyed with the mother and sisters. 22. Loves to do things his way most of the time without reference to his wife. 23. Hangs out a lot with other like-minded husbands. 24. Dominating. 25. Moody at times. 26. Desires special attention. 27. Appreciates female friends. 28. Selfish sometimes. 29. Dependent on the wife for domestic chores. 30. Less humorous. 31. Humble. 32. Loyal. 33. Busy bee outside the home. 34. Caring and loving when at home and 35. Good spiritual upbringing.
The baby husband has a pact with history. Apart from the baby being a heritage from God (Psalms 127:3), his welfare was the center of concern to God. His welfare was uppermost to God, such that biblical account has a promise of a helpmeet for Adam (Gen. 2:18). It is a limited and self-insufficient man that requires help outside of himself. The limitation presupposes that even though the man was created first, without the woman, his survival was doubtful. Therefore, he has the seed of babyhood ingrained in him from time immemorial. No doubt, however old a wife is, especially in the African setting, she still caters to her husband and in some cases even outlives him. In the eyes of this book, Adam was created and left on the island of DASYN, and he became the HUB around which everything revolved. The juxtaposition is why all other brands of the husband have something to do with the baby husband. Inferring from the Biblical precedent, therefore, the first baby of the wife or the woman was Adam, the husband. In this light, the baby husband is the preferred brand of husband from all the listed types of husbands. Together with the good traits inherent in the baby husband, some selected traits from the other types of husbands identified by the DASYN HUB acronym (i.e., democratic, actor, soul-mate, yeoman, neophyte, harried, uber and baby) are synthesized in thirty-five traits.
Our baby husband expects the love he enjoyed during his childhood to be extended to him by his wife. He expects the care of a mother from his wife. He recalls with nostalgia, the camaraderie he enjoyed and enjoys from his mother and sisters. Because he has formed a habit, it becomes difficult for him to do things the wife’s way sometimes. Resulting from the childhood friendship he kept, he carries it into the matrimonial home and therefore hangs out a lot with like-minded husbands. He was so close to the mother, so he cannot help dominating his wife. Wherever the mother scolded him, he got moody. The moodiness he transfers to the matrimonial home. As a child he did all sorts of things and captured his mother’s attention, this he carries forward. He appreciates female friends because he cherished their love while growing up. He received items from the mother and others but found it difficult to give such items back to the givers. In this new lease of life, he cannot but sometimes remain selfish. The mother catered for his needs including domestic chores. He expects these from the wife. The mother always corrected him, so he gets moody at times when corrected by the wife. Because a baby is naturally humble, loyal and hyperactive, he carries forward these traits to the marriage playing ground. He cared for and loved the mother, so it is expected that he will be a loving and caring husband.
From the traits of the other brands of husbands, he adds to his traits. The baby husband gives freedom to his wife to make decisions. This democratic nicety brings out the helpmeet quality of the wife. Under the actor brand of husband, he assumes the traits of understanding the wife, protecting her as well as being painstaking with her. The baby cannot batter his mother, so he does not do it to the wife. He expects to be treated like royalty, which indeed, he was and is to his mother. The royalty status causes his entitlement mentality.
Taking from the yeoman’s brand, the baby husband sees nothing wrong in whatever the wife does to his friends, family members or in-laws. As he was jealous of his mother, so he is jealous of his wife. From the soul-mate husband typology, he clings on to “the wife of my youth.” He allows no asunder. Call him not “woman wrapper.” he needs your understanding! By association with the neophyte, the baby husband never gets matured, shifts responsibility, and gets baffled at the wife’s intelligence and knowledge.
The baby husband tries hard to avoid associating with the harried husband, but he has a handshake with the uber type of husband, as he makes available quality time for his family. Babies like socializing and affiliating, and above all, the spiritual upbringing baby husbands received from their mothers is sustained with their wives for continuity. So the generations will occupy till the kingdom comes.
We may, however, agree that our baby husband sometimes cannot make decisions on his own without asking his mother or relatives, especially when things go wrong. Our baby husband desires his wife to care for him just as his biological mother did. Also, during fits of anger, he compares his wife to his mother and sisters.
Uber husbands are husbands for every woman. They love and care for other women a lot. Even when they are not in any serious relationship, they like giving money to the different women they are acquainted with earlier. They have more female friends than male. I had been guilty of this before. I recall: during my university days, I had more female than male friends. Only a few people believed that I was neither lustful nor serious with any of them. The relationships were just platonic. The female friends found me more willing to help when it came to academics. It was the baby nature in me then that drew me closer to the female sex. The baby husbands of this book possess the traits of the uber husband.
Watch a baby and his mother, and you will always see her correcting the baby and rearranging what the baby disorganizes. The corrections bring to mind my baby traits. I remember each time I entered my wife’s kitchen and removed a kettle and placed it elsewhere other than where I picked it from; I would receive a tongue lashing. If I dared enter the kitchen with my cell phone in my pocket, I would be reminded how my boss in the office tolerates me. If I opened the fridge and forgot to latch its door properly, I would be reminded of my baby’s nature. If I fuelled the generator and did not wipe off the fuel that splashed on it, there I am! I came back home and did not caress the doorbell gentlemanly; heavens help me! She would never overlook my babyish acts. However, the lashing would normally come after I had ignored several calls to order. Sometimes, she would ask: “How did you manage to pass your school examinations!”
Can you now guess the title of the book? The Baby Husband: Building and enhancing marriage in many more insightful ways.
Where you desire to read more and do a review as a favor, please look out for the book in the new year on the bookshelves of Amazon.com. You may also please indicate your interest by emailing me now on [e-mail] or [e-mail].
‘Regret’ counsels: You will not frolic with me if you own and study this book on The Baby Husband!