Statement

“I want to report a crime!
My name is Margaretha. I live alone in a cottage in the woods, and when this happened, I was sitting in my room googling for a meringue recipe and doing nobody no harm. Suddenly I heard a strange noise from the garden. I closed my laptop and went out, only to find two children, or, at least, very small persons, - Germans, I guess, - eating on my house. I never seen or heard anything like it.
‘Hey, that’s my house,’ I said. ‘You can’t eat that!’ But I don’t think they understood, being foreign and all. Thinking they were hungry, I invited them in and made a tom yum soup for them. But the girl kept poking me in the waist with a chicken bone, probably from some bird they had killed and eaten before they began devouring my house, so the soup didn’t turn out as good as I had hoped. Then I made a lamb casserole, a Shepherd's Pie, a Bibimbap, a score of hamburgers - and God knows what. And they ate it all. But the girl kept poking me with the bone. Look, I still got bruises.
Finally I told them I could not make any more food for them because I had to get my meringue finished. Then they got angry and pushed me into the owen!
I could have died! Lucky for me, it was on low heat because of the meringue, but still… So, will you arrest them?”