The Snitch Train

There is a lot in my head that isn't written down. I should really see to that one of these days.

Anticipation ran high that January. Excitement was in the air, you could feel it. If our names were included on a special list, all sorts of treats were in store. For instance, there was the rumor of a luxury train trip to an exciting outdoor camp where we could spend time with others like us. There would be great food, exercise and plenty of time in the open air, away from the city.

Every day, on my way to school, I would pass by the railroad station.

Checking that list for my name was a twice daily ritual. Once, I made the mistake of publicly whining over the delay in seeing my name. I was chastised and sternly warned to keep my mouth shut. I sat on a bench and cried my eyes out. That was the last time I cried.

There were always those among us who would tattle and snitch for favors, even a price. Snitching to those in power was a profitable enterprise. They say that power corrupts. Actually, I think it is people who abuse power, not the other way around. I am proud to say that I never was someone who betrayed the confidence of others. I don't think many could say that in the end.

Of course, the first to go would be the stand-outs, the all-stars, the favorites. I certainly was never a favorite, although it might be said that no one works as hard as I do. Day after day, the roster would go up, minus yours truly.

That didn't bother me, it really didn't. Maybe I wasn't smart enough to figure out what I needed to do. I tried to find out who made the lists to begin with. The list-makers weren't exactly an impressive bunch.

I think everything changed after that note was taped to my door. It read:

"Join us at a meeting of the Unappreciated."

Ouch!

I thought about that label a lot. Was I really unappreciated? I hadn't been included on the list yet, but I still held out hope. But really. Unappreciated by this lot? When I had been working so hard to be noticed. It was worse than discouraging. It was demoralizing.

I went to the meeting and I heard the rumor. The trains weren't taking them to a wonderful vacation spot to live happily ever after. No, the tables started to slowly turn. Maybe being unappreciated and unnoticed wasn't so bad after all.

One brave soul asked the question that was in all our minds.

"How did you pick those on the list?"

He was gone by sunset that day. Bullies kill other people in their minds, sometimes. It came easy to that bunch.

That was the beginning of my chapter ending.

I decided to lay low.

I also decided to make my own list.

This list-making keeps me kind of busy, it does. Control has a way of shifting over time, more like a pendulum than anything. Everything depends on who is making the list and what is done with it.

Doesn't it now?

Another "funny" thing.

The ones of that list that didn't include me, the ones chosen, if you will. They never came back. I thought maybe I might see them at Nuremberg.

You see, I have been asked to present my own list there.

Miraculously, I am still here.

When I finish my list, I'll keep it to myself until the time is right.

I am not a snitch, but I won't keep secrets for a group like that. The best day of my life was when they excluded me. It took me a while to see that, but it's the truth.

And, in the end, the truth cannot be buried in anyone's list.

644 Words

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