hi, you don't know me.

hi,
you don’t know me.
even if you have been around since day one,
you don’t know me.
i’ve been keeping secrets from you.
some are important,
some are not.
so here they are.
1. i have a girlfriend.
         yes, your ‘little girl’ has a girlfriend.
         i don’t know if i’m gay or bi or pan
         or demi or ace but it’s not a phase.
         i love my girlfriend with all of my being.
         i have never loved someone in this way before.
2. i am not your ‘little girl.’
         i am a boy.
         you don’t know this,
         i know you don’t.
         i am transgender.
         i don’t feel at home in this body,
         friends use different pronouns for me,
         he/him not she/her.
         they don’t slip up,
         they don’t use the wrong name or pronouns to upset me or when they’re upset.
         they use them when they fear it may not be safe for me.
         like in class,
         or in groups of students,
         or at home.
         mine, not theirs.
3. i have tried to die.
         time and time again.
         i either always fail,
         or a friend pulls me out of the darkness
         just enough to make me see that life is worth living.
         they see the signs,
         they’ve been there themselves.
         we have all brought one another
         back into the light.
there are more secrets,
more than i can write.
but these are the ones that matter,
at least in this state of mind.