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Rated: 13+ · Script/Play · Comedy · #2160535
Unwanted attention is sometimes surprising
*Night, interior of a bar/nightclub. Fashionable atmosphere with downtempo electronica playing in the background. Clientele is young, hip, beautiful, and boring. The whole scene looks like a commercial for flavored vodka.

A beautiful blonde in her mid 20s with long legs and short black dress is sitting alone sipping her sapphire colored martini. She looks bored and is staring into space dreamily. Jackoff #1 is a businessman in his early thirties who eyes the blonde from across the room with a group of his friends. They're obviously talking about her and daring each other to go talk to her. He crosses the room and sidles up to the bar next to her.

Jackoff #1- (ordering from the bar) "I'll have a bourbon and coke, make it a double."

Bartender- "Sure"

Jackoff #1- "Hi."

Leggy Blonde- "Hello"

Jackoff #1- "Is this seat taken?" (Gestures to an empty barstool next to her)

Leggy Blonde- "I guess not, I was expecting someone but it doesn't look like he's gonna show"

Jackoff #1- "His loss! Pretty stupid..."

Leggy blonde smiles halfway and looks down at her drink.

Jackoff #1- "I'm Jack, by the way. Let me buy your next drink?"

Leggy Blonde- "I'm Jill. No thanks, I'm good."

Jackoff #1- Laughs out loud- "Ha! that's funny, Jack and Jill."

Leggy Blonde- looking blankly at him. "Yeah. it's funny because that's not really my name."

Jackoff #1 looks like a kicked puppy at this remark and realizes that Leggy blonde is not at all interested in talking to him. His drink arrives, he pays the bartender, leaves a tip.

Jackoff #1- "Ok, well have a good night"

Leggy Blonde smiles halfway again and looks back down into her empty glass. She orders another drink. Leggy blonde turns to watch Jackoff #1 walk away. She is half amused and half puzzled to see he is sobbing profusely as he walks back to his friends. His friends are patting him on the back and consoling him. One of them hands him a tissue. They glare at her as they comfort him.

One of Jackoff #1's friends stalks across the room toward her.

Leggy Blonde- Muttering under her breath "Oh, here we go."

Jackoff #2- "What you just did to my friend was not very nice. He's a really nice guy and you just totally hurt his feelings. You should say you're sorry."

Leggy Blonde- Considers this for a minute. "You're right, that wasn't cool. Tell him to come back over, I'd like to apologize and buy him a drink"

Jackoff #2- "I'll let him know, but I don't know if he's emotionally ready to trust you again."
Jackoff number two walks off and tells Jackoff #1 of Leggy Blonde's offer.

Jackoff #1 Comes back over to the bar and sits down next to Leggy Blonde.

Jackoff #1- "Do you assume I have no feelings? How can I ever trust you again?! I thought we had something real, and you lied to me!"

Leggy blonde- (looking incredulous) "What the hell are you talking about? We just met! I admit it was kinda rude of me to lie about my name and all, but I'm not really into guys who try to hit on me at bars, you know?"

Jackoff #1- (gasps, looks shocked) "I can't believe you! I don't even know you any more..."
He walks back over to his friends, grabs his jacket, and then runs out the front door, sobbing.

Leggy blonde shrugs at the bartender, goes back to her drink, and watches the television above the bar. It's a late night talk show that usually hosts celebrities, politicians, etc. Jackoff's friends have dispersed and she forgets about the interaction. As she's watching the show, her expression changes to shock when Jackoff #1 comes walking onto the set of the show and shakes hands with the host. The gorgeous Hollywood starlet already on the sofa is practically giddy as he shakes her hand graciously as well. He sits in the seat next to the host's desk, and the starlet moves over.

Leggy blonde to bartender: "Hey, can you turn this up please?!?"

The bartender nods, grabs the remote from under the bar and turns to turn up the TV. He swings back around looking shocked and looks around the bar.

Bartender: "Wasn't that....."

Leggy blonde: "Yes!! Now turn it up so we can hear!"

He turns up the volume on the television. Fade into a conversation between the host and Jackoff #1:

Host: "So you've got a lot of stuff going on, I heard about the new charity you're starting! What's it called?"

Jackoff #1: "It's called hope for healing. It's a charity I established after my travels to interior Africa while on a peace mission with the ambassador to Sudan. While we were there, I saw so many children who had been wounded during the civil wars in the area and never received proper medical treatment so they ended up losing limbs and having really horrible injuries that could've been prevented if treatment had been available. I resolved that when I came home I would make sure that treatment would be available, no matter what the cost to myself personally. I funded the first leg of the charitable mission, and a philanthropist organization got ahold of it and it's taken off beyond what I could've ever done on my own. I feel truly blessed to be able to help."

Starlet: "That's amazing!"

Host: "Yes it is! That's really admirable. Not enough billionaires in silicone valley think the way you do, man. I guess you're a special breed of billionaire!"
(audience laughs)

Jackoff #1: (coyly) "Well I dunno about that..."

Host: "In spite of all your obvious gifts as a human being, I heard you just recently had a bad break up?"

Jackoff #1: "Yeah, well I normally don't like to talk about my private life but she did hurt me pretty bad and it's still pretty fresh in my heart. She ended up lying to me, and she blew it off like it was no big deal. I value trust in a relationship too much to look past dishonesty, so we had to part ways."

Starlet: (flirty) "Her loss! pretty stupid..."

As the starlet delivers this line, Leggy blonde looks at the empty seat next to her. She then looks back at the bartender, bewildered. He is staring back at her, mouth agape.

Leggy blonde: (quietly) "Um. I'll have another, please."

Scene ends with wide shot of the blonde watching the rest of the show while the bartender makes her another drink. The other patrons of the bar mingle and chat the night away around her.





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