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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Mythology · #2172653
Who Dun It? The archer, the wizard, or the warrior? ... And what did they do?
The prompt: Who Dun It? The archer, the wizard, or the warrior? ... And what did they do?

Here's what happened. (my Award Winning Answer)

Archer had too much coffee and became enraged over another charioteer's inconsiderate driving. (Chariot Rage. It's a real thing.)

The Wizard, in all his wizardy wisdom, asked Warrior to let Archer know, in a pushy power-play kind of way, that his behavior was unacceptable. So Warrior, although mildly annoyed because he had planned a quiet Sunday watching the Warrior Games on RSPN (Roman Sports Programming Network), hit the baths, then donned his finest warrior suit and went out to aggressively, but metaphorically, of course, shoot down Archer's CR or take away his bow and arrows if need be.

By the time Warrior caught up with Archer, he'd passed several Chariot wrecks and had, himself, become enraged at the traffic mess Archer had caused. Warrior knew he'd never make it home in time to see the games first hand and streaming them through the Warrior network wasn't the same. The longer it took to catch up with Archer, the more Warrior wanted to do away with the metaphoric part of the afore mentioned metaphor. No. Really. He did.

By now, Wizard who had been binge watching the entire episode on his Crystal, was rolling on the floor laughing at his two less than wise cohorts. See, he'd gotten up early and prepared a super-concentrated 4 to 1 batch of coffee, knowing it would likely set this whole escapade into motion, and it was unfolding exactly as he had envisioned. (Well, of course; he's a wizard, right?)

What he hadn't envisioned was that while he was busy rolling on the floor, Archer and Warrior met up at the Necessary Room at the Orion Oasis Club and conspired to get back at Wizard who had ruined their individual Sunday plans.

No one really knows what happened to Wizard.

Conspiracy theories continue, but I'm certain it was Archer, because there are so many witnesses who saw him on Warrior's shoulders, aiming at Wizard's Palace the same day Wizard went missing.

Shortly afterward, Warrior fell off a mountain, into a deep narrow valley or gorge in the earth's surface and lost his memory and the ability to reason.

Archer became king.

I know, I know: the CEASAR (Center for Everything Archer Says is Always Right) determined Archer was innocent and, in actuality, Wizard just went to another realm to visit his brother Gandalf, but I'm tellin' ya, the Wiz is a gonner; and I'm sure it was His Majesty, King Archer.

I can't say any more about this. It's too dangerous.

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