Not in This Lifetime

         “Look, Charlie Brown! There’s a fortune-teller! I’ve always wanted to know what the future holds in store for me, haven’t you? Let’s go check it out!” Miffy and Nellie pulled their puppy friend towards the booth.
         “Ummm, yeah, no thanks,” Show rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows those things are bogus anyways.”
Charlie Brown gasped. “But- but- the future is set for us! Wouldn’t it be cool if we knew what we would face?”
         “Nope.” Show placed her fists on the side of her stomach. “I, unlike all of you plushies, am a doll. And that means I don’t change my mind as easily as all of you plushies do,” she rolled her eyes again. “Free will IS a thing. And I’ll prove it.”
         Miffy exchanged a look with Nellie. “Okay, prove it. Go to the fortune teller and see what your future holds. If you really can change the future, then we’ll believe you that free will really is still a thing.”
         “Fine.”
         “Fine.”
         Show marched up to the booth and plopped down. “Okay, read my palm or whatever it is that you fortune tellers do.”
         “Ahh, Show, yes, I have been expecting you and your plushie friends for a while now.”
         “Uh huh, you only know that because I was lecturing the three of them and you must’ve overheard.”
         “Well, Show,” the fortune teller grasped the doll’s hands in hers and placed them onto the crystal ball, “close your eyes. Take a deep breath. In... aaaannnnd, out. And in....” the fortune teller breathed alongside the doll, counting the breaths as she did. “Now, what do you see?”
         “A spaceship...” Show mumbled, “and Mini Axl and Mini Slash coming out.... with me, Charlie Brown, Toothless, and Miffy and Nellie.”
         “Good, now open your eyes.” The fortune teller smiled at Show. “You, my dear, were destined for greatness. You will bring joy to many children around the world, and in turn, they will change your life.”
         Show scoffed. “Okay, whatever. Are we done here?” She turned back towards her friends.
         “Yes, we are.” The fortune teller disappeared with a puff of purple smoke.
         The doll blinked, taken aback. “Okay....” She returned to her friends. “Okay, so that was a complete waste of time,” she yawned. “The lady thinks we’re gonna go on a spaceship with the Minis and Toothless and then bring joy to people around the world.”
         “That sounds like an awesome fate,” Nellie declared.
         “Not to me,” Show snarked. “I mean, where are we going to get a spaceship? Seriously, that’s just dumb!”

****

         Miffy and Nellie walked into their human’s bedroom, where Mini Slash and Mini Axl were arguing.
         “No! I’m telling you- this is going to be impossible. We can’t fly to the moon,” Mini Slash rolled his eyes. “Where are we going to find a spaceship?”
         “I don’t know! But I still think we should bring our Not in This Lifetime Tour to outer space,” Mini Axl asserted.          “We’ve been pretty much everywhere in the world already- it’s time to go big. Think big. BE big!”
Slash sighed. “Look, Axl, I see your point. I really do, bu-“
         “Great, then it’s decided. We’re going to tour on the moon.”
         “Ugh,” Slash facepalmed.
         Axl looked around the room, and spotted Toothless the Dragon on their human’s space-themed bed. “Hey, you! Dragon!”
         Toothless looked up from his nap and yawned.
         “Good. I have your attention. You can fly us all to the moon, right?”
         Toothless yelped. “Wait, what do you want me to do?”
         “Fly. To the moon. Y’know, with us on your back too.”
         “Just because I’m a dragon doesn’t mean I can fly to outer space.”
         “Oh.” Axl rubbed his neck. “So how do we get to outer space, then? We’ll need a spaceship....” he caught a glimpse of a rocket out of the corner of his eye.
         “But that’s Amy’s spaceship!” Nellie cried, seeing the cogs in Axl’s brain turn.
         “Hey, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” Axl quoted. “As much as I hate trashy country-pop music, Bebe and those other two dudes really were on to something. Free will is truly an illusion.”
         “Not you, too, Axl,” Show grumbled. “I thought you were smarter than that. Free will totally IS still a thing.”
         “No, it’s not, Show, and I’ll prove it. Guns N Roses was FATED to go to the moon to perform one day, and that day is coming, like it or not,” Axl declared.
         “Now we just need to get the other five on board,” Slash grumbled.
         “We’ll come! It’d be so cool to see the moon,” Nellie and Miffy exclaimed. “And Amy taught us a little bit of piano so we can be the keyboardists too,” the duo grinned.
         “Ooh! And I can play the drums,” Charlie Brown chimed in, not wanting to be left out. “And you could do the guitar, Show,” he beamed. “And Toothless can can be the last band person! It’d be perfect!”
         “This is getting better and better,” Slash shook his head, walking away from the scene.
         “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Axl jumped around, rounding up the friends and herding them into the spaceship. “Slash! Are you coming or not?”
         “Uhhh, shouldn’t we bring this thing outside if it’s going to blast off? We’re already borrowing Amy’s spaceship. We don’t want to destroy her room too,” Slash pointed out.
         “Good reasoning, Slash. That’s why we have YOU here!” Axl clapped his bandmate on the back. “Everyone! Out of the spaceship! We’ve gotta move it out to the lawn!”
         Half an hour later, the spaceship was on the lawn and ready for takeoff once more.
         “Is everyone ready?” Axl called out.
         A chorus of “Yes”s resounded, and he fiddled with the controls. “Excellent. Let’s BLASTOFF!”
         Everyone cheered, and soon, they were up in the sky.
         “Whoa... everyone and everything looks so small!” Charlie Brown exclaimed.
         An urgent beeping soon began.
         “Uh oh....” Axl fiddled with the controls, as the beeps got louder and more insistent.
         “Here, lemme fix it,” Show pushed the rocker aside and pushed a few buttons. “There! The beeping stopped.”
         “Yes, but why are we going down instead of up?” Axl looked out the window at the rapidly approaching ground.
         “WE’RE GONNA CRASH!” The plushies yelled.
         Slash ran to the controls and pushed a few more buttons, then pulled a lever. “Emergency landing!” He called out. He then turned and looked at Show. "And, little girl. I'm only gonna say this once, but please, don't touch the controls again." He shooed her out of the room.
         "Hmpf!" Show sulked outside the control room, until a strong thud nearly knocked her and everyone else off their feet.
         Outside the spacecraft, there were cries of "Look! There's a spaceship!" and human children running towards the craft.
         The voices outside the spacecraft were muffled, but the plushies could still hear them.
         "Miss Hannigan didn't tell us we had visitors today!"
         "Does Miss Hannigan ever tell us anything aside from 'do this!' 'do that!' or 'this is the life you were fated to live'?"
         "That's true...."
         Inside the spaceship, the Minis were debating with the plushies.
         "Open the door!" Nellie cried.
         "They can be our groupies," Miffy suggested.
         "They'll be my new besties!" Charlie Brown exclaimed, while Show facepalmed.
         "Imagine all the joy we'll be bringing them," Toothless chimed in. "It is almost Christmas after all. What's wrong with a little Christmas spirit?"
         "Fine." Axl snapped.
         Slash groaned. "This is not going to end well. At all."
         "For once, I agree with you, Slash!" Show snapped. "This is going to end TERRIBLY. And I mean, TERRIBLY! I should just get off of the spaceship right now," she ranted.
         "Fine by us," Axl quipped. "One less child to watch," he rolled his eyes and scoffed, opening the spacecraft's door.
         "STOP BABYING ME, EVERYONE!" Show wailed. "I AM NOT A BABY!"
         "You just proved that point well," Slash shook his head. "I don't know how we're even going to get into space. I think this ship is faulty," he walked around, examining the structure and controls.
         "OH MY GOSH, THERE'S PLUSHIES INSIDE!" the children squealed. "AND DOLLS!"
         "Ohhh boy," Slash muttered under his breath.
         "Who are they?" the kids pointed to the Minis.
         "Well, excuse me, but I'm the one who opened the door for you kids. And I am none other than Axl Rose. You know, leading front-runner of the legendarily world-famous rock and roll band Guns N' Roses?"
         "Oooh, you're famous? How come we've never heard about you?" A girl asked. "And who's that guy with the huge sunglasses and funny hat?"
         Slash shook his head and walked back into the control room. "Unbelievable," he muttered. "Un-freaking-believable"
         "That's Slash, our lead guitarist. Don't mind him. He's not very friendly in big groups sometimes." Nellie giggled. "I'm Nellie, by the way, and this bunny is Miffy. The puppy is Charlie Brown and the little girl in the overalls is Show. We're the substitute members of Axl's band today. We're going to the moon to tour!"
         "Wow," the children breathed. "Can we come too?"
         "Of course no-"
         "Of course you can!" Nellie grinned, giving them a hug. "The more, the merrier." She looked around the spacecraft. "But we might need to make this a little bigger before you do."
         "Won't your parents miss you?" Show advanced towards the kids, indirectly pushing them out.
         "Oh, no, we don't have parents. We're not related, but we're all friends here. See that house over there? That's an orphanage. We're orphans."
         "Ohhh, how sad!" Miffy cried. "You should all come back with us! Our human, Amy, is amazing and so are her parents. I'm sure they'd love to have all of you! Amy wants to be an astrophysicist when she grows up, and this rocket is from her room."
         "Whoa, that's so cool! We don't even know what we want to be when we grow up. Miss Hannigan told us our lives were fated to be sad and miserable, and that we're never going to amount to much when we grow up."
         The plushies hugged the kids. "That can't be true! You're all so nice! And- and- you must be smart, right?"
         "We don't go to school. Miss Hannigan says she homeschools us but she doesn't teach us anything but how to lie and steal and be bad people!"
         "Wow, she's intense," Show gasped. "I'd like to meet this lady."
         "Sorry to interrupt your soirée kiddos but looks like Slash has figured out what's wrong with this spaceship- we'll be on our way shortly." Axl closed the spacecraft door. "Man, it's claustrophobic in here!" He walked into the control room. "Speaking of Slash-"
         A pounding on the spacecraft door interrupted Axl. Nellie opened it back up, to find Slash standing there, arms crossed, and face looking even more crossed. "Oops, sorry, Slash, I guess we should've done a head count before closing the door," she looked around. "Is everyone else here?"
         Slash sighed and closed the door himself, stalking back to the control room and slamming that door behind him. Axl's voice came onto the PA system. "Everybody, please get ready. Captain Slash is going to take us TO THE MOON!"
         The engine rumbled and the space craft trembled. It wobbled as it left the ground, but soon, a blast propelled the spaceship into the air.
         "Woohoo!" The plushies cheered. "We're off to tour the moon, and perform with Guns N' Roses," they sang.

***

         "This is First Captain Axl Rose speaking- we have left Earth. Repeat, we have left Earth."
         Everyone gasped as the cabin suddenly turned dark. "Where did the power go?" Charlie Brown whimpered.
         "The power's still on, silly," Show shook her head. "See? There's lights in the cabin. It's just dark because we're in space now. I'll bet it turns light again when we're closer to the moon- or the stars."
         "Look!" Nellie pointed outside the window. "There's a pink, fluffy unicorn! Come look, everybody! Come, look!"
         The humans crowded around the window. "Wowww, I didn't know there were pink, fluffy unicorns in outer space! That's so cool! I wish Miss Hannigan taught us this stuff!"
         "Miss Hannigan doesn't teach us anything. Except for 'free will is a SHAM!'"
         The kids sighed and kept looking around. "Look! Look! I think the moon is there!"
         Mini Axl's voice returned over the speaker system. "Plushies and dolls, boys and girls, please prepare yourselves for landing. WE ARE APPROACHING THE MOON!"
         A chorus of cheers erupted throughout the space craft. "We're go-ing to the moo-oon, we're go-ing to the moo-oon.... whooaaa!"
         The spacecraft veered into a different position and everyone braced themselves against the walls. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Show asked.
         "Not yet, Show!" Miffy replied, "Look- the moon is still kinda far away."
         "What's taking so long?"
         "I don't know! But it is getting closer!"
         "As it should," Show muttered. "We've been waiting for so long, now."
         "It's okay, Show," Nellie patted the doll. "Just be a bit more patient and we'll be there in no time."
         "Ugh, don't pat me!" Show grimaced, slinking away from Nellie's paws.
         "Aww, it's okay, Show!" Charlie Brown bounced up to his friend and gave her a friendly lick.
         "Ewwww! Dog slobber! Don't lick me, Charlie Brown! How many times have I told you that?"
         "Ummmm...." Charlie Brown counted on his paws. "Four? I can only count to four," he beamed.
         Show dropped down. "Ugh, why is it always me?"
         "I guess you're just fated to always be the one who's licked or patted." Miffy remarked.
         "Not this fate thing again," Show groaned.
         "Well look at it this way, Show," Miffy argued. "The fortune teller told you, 'you will bring joy to many children around the world, and in turn, they will change your life.' and that 'you're destined for greatness,' right?"
         Show sighed. "Yeah. What about it?"
         "We're on tour with Guns N Roses Mini Axl and Mini Slash took US to go on tour with them ON THE MOON. If that's not 'destined for greatness,' what is? I'm pretty sure that proves that our future is determined for us- we can't change it..."
         "Well what about 'kids all over the world'," Show challenged. "We only have kids from Miss Hannigan's place right now."
         "Well I snuck Miss Hannigan's phone with me, and we can show the whole world what we're doing," one of the children chimed in.
         "Only if we have cell service," Show grumbled.
         "Don't worry. We didn't necessarily learn nothing from Miss Hannigan," someone piped up, "I learned how to code in my spare time- which was alot. Anyways, I'm sure we can contact NASA and hack them and then do a live stream from there," she grinned.
         Everyone stared at her.
         "What? I'm not always playing mindless games online when I'm on the computer." She approached the control room. "Hey, Axl! Slash! Let me in! I'm gonna do something."
         The door cracked open, and Axl peeked out. "Who are you, and what do you want?"
         "Well. I'm Holly. And I'm a professional coder. Maybe even black hat hacker," she beamed, then lowered her voice to a sinister whisper, "and I'm going to hack into NASA and live stream us to ALL OVER THE WORLD."
         Axl raised an eyebrow. "Okay..."
         "Trust me," Holly grinned. She connected the phone to a few wires and began tapping at keys. "Aaaand... we're in," she whispered.
         Axl turned on the announcement system again. "Plushies and dolls, boys and girls, we're just above the moon! We're descending now."
         A herd of pink, fluffy unicorns greeted the spacecraft as it landed on the moon. "This is SO. AWESOME," Amanda, one of the girls, squealed.
         "Can we pet them?" Emily asked, reaching out her hand. "Oooh, you're so fluffy, I'M GONNA DIE!" She hugged one of the unicorns. "We should stay here forever," she declared.
         "I agree," Nellie beamed. "But first, we have a show to perform!"
         "Well, I have my mic, and Slash has his guitars," Axl remarked. "Go get the keyboards, if you two are the keyboardists. Charlie Brown, Slash says if you're careful, you can use his guitar. And Show, you're on the drums."
         "Hey! I thought I'm the guitarist," Show whined.
         "Sorry kid, you're not mature enough," Slash quipped.
         "Oh, and Charlie Brown is?" Show glared at the rock star.
         "More so than you," Slash lowered his sunglasses and looked her in the eye, before walking away.
         "Hmpf!" Show stamped onto the moon, only to find that the lack of gravity nulled her actions.
         "Take it or leave it, kiddo," Axl warned. "It's the drums or nothing."
         "Fine," Show harrumphed. "I'll do the drums."
         Holly turned the phone on and connected it to the NASA hack. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls... I have a VERY important announcement for all of you. You are all about to witness history in the making! So share this with your friends- you parents, your sisters, brothers, neighbors... EVERYONE! We are gonna go VIRAL! Who I am doesn't matter right now. I know this doesn't look like anything that NASA would do- and you're right- but you'll all find out why soon," she winked, and turned the camera back around to where everyone was rehearsing. "Is everyone ready?!"
         Axl gave a thumbs-up. "A-one, two, one, two three four!" The band launched into a rendition of "Welcome to the Jungle"
         Holly led a mob of unicorns and friends to the stage, as she streamed the concert to NASA.

***

         "And that, ladies and gentlemen, was history made! We had a concert on the moon! With the legendarily world-famous rock-and-roll band, Guns N Roses! And I will see you all back on Earth," Holly grinned. "And Miss Hannigan, if you're watching this, I hope you know we weren't fated to be no-good nothings like you said, but we were actually fated to be happy." She turned to Show. "So, Show, how do you feel after that set? Wasn't it amazing? Do you still believe in free will?"
         Show grabbed the phone. "That was much more fun than I expected to have," she admitted. "And yes, I see now that our futures are, indeed, already written out for us," she rolled her eyes. "If you're watching this, Ms. Fortune Teller, you were right. They've all changed my life. I guess science is right."