Conspicuous Cruelty

I try to be an open and accepting person, to be "nice". However, one of the very few things which I have little tolerance for is a deliberate desire to hurt living beings, to find joy or humor in the suffering of others. This is why I was so unhappy to learn about conspicuous cruelty.

Have you ever run into "that guy" (or "that woman") who was so brilliant or so capable that everyone just forgives that fact he's kind of a jerk? It seems to be human nature to forgive the faults of those we admire. It's rational to an extent to do so: if someone is a net benefit to the people around them, despite being "difficult", we still value them. When the rich or famous get a slap on the wrist for what might crush a poor person on the street, this calculation (and the rationalization of it) is partly to thank. What's more, whoever is in constant demand, whoever's time is more valuable than ours, will be brusque with us - it's self-defense. Pretty women and powerful men defend their most valuable assets - their own time. This can bleed into impatience and even unkindness, all of which we put up with.

But how do we know whose worth is great and whose time is valuable? Partially we have gossip to thank - the ability to spread the information needed to hold people to account for their behavior is one of the great enablers of civilization. But partially we expect people to signal their own value - it's not until people take the risk of demanding to be taken seriously that they acquire our attention and judgment - and we begin the process using their own self-assessment. That's why it's important to smile and look people in the eye in interviews. That's why confidence is sexy. That's why people admire those who treat them and others like shit - unless enough people call out their behavior to take them down and kick them out. Jerks risk being ostracized. But when someone is a jerk, and they're seen to get away with it, they will always gather the admirers "winners" gather. In fact, some people acquire the habit of attacking others simply because it's rewarded. This, my friends, is conspicuous cruelty. And it's most effectively countered by the deliberate cruelty of gossip.