Excerpt from " Sonny's World "

...all of a sudden i got that funny feeling and i knew there was an incoming potty alert...i grab Sparky and i run/jump down the first few steps and arrive at the landing zone...i hold the back of my britches with one hand and Sparky with the other as i stand at the top of mt stairs contemplating my decent and trying to ignore the voice from the dark room '...give me a ticket for an aeroplane...ain't got time to take a fast train...'... and i'm like...dammitt...just dammitt...
now it never occurs to my feeble five year old mind that i could turn to the left here and run up two steps and past Bubby so fast all he would see is the sonny that used to be there...and i would be safely on the refuse reciprocator ….or receptacle … or whatever ....no not me....never ...occurred... to me...
i stood there at the top of mt stairs trying to calculate the distance from here to the potty downstairs versus the number of steps and the resolve it would take me to get there...i took into account the wind speed...both frontal and tail...which i knew would diminish in intensity the closer we got to the foot of the mountain...and i knew....man...it's gonna be close...and i know i gotta make it...man...i just gotta....i mean...if i was just havin to rain on the parade or sprinkle some daisy's ...why heck...i'd just stand here with a smile on my face...sighing and whispering...'...oops ...didn't make it...'...yeah...i'd do that...
but i can't do that now...cuz i gotta launch some naval vessels...and i can't do that here....i mean....
that would be so ...uncool... wouldn't it...?...
i look at Sparky and he shrugs...and he's like...' heck man... grab the thingy and plant your butt and lay ass to the wind...i mean...that's what i'd do.... but maybe that's just me ....'...and i'm like...' no way josie im doin that...daddy says i gotta hold on with both hands or whichever way i land ima get a ass bustin....'.... Sparky looks at me and he laughs... then i laugh cuz heck....it was kinda funny....
at the same time i feel a fart...or somethin...comin that i know could ruin my reputation for life...i get this great idea...a sonny idea...i get those sometimes...
i grab Sparky and i sit down at the top of the mountain and i push off...and ...damn...the first thing i gotta say is what a bumpy ride... i mean...every step that pounded my ass as i went sailing down the slope made me feel as if at any second i was gonna start leaving a trail behind me...and it wouldn't be a nice trail neither...
i plowed into the bottom of mt stairs and i jumped up without a thought and ran thru the living room faster than that speeding bullet thing they say about that other guy...i flew thru the living room so fast that daddy didn't even notice i was there...i was just a cool breeze that he didn't understand...i ran so fast i pulled the colors off the clothes on the doll that little LeeLee was playin with...and she's like...'...wow sonny...do it again...do it again...'but i didn't have time to do it again...just as my capacity level was reaching defcon five and the needle was bouncing between NOW and..TOO LATE ...i had the magical throne in sight....as i jumped thru the dining room i layed Sparky on the floor and i'm like...' every man for himself...'....and Sparky is like......'...hey man...it's better this way...' i run into the potty and plop my ass in the cold water cuz i forgot to put the seat down...but i wouldna been able to anyways...i made it just in time for the first submarine launch of the day... i smiled...and i'm like...'...yeah...
...that's what i'm talkin about....'