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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2200122-Hes-The-Best
by Paul
Rated: E · Short Story · Comedy · #2200122
Earl’s not sure at first.
“Uhhh, pete? I don’t think we want him as part of this gig.”

“Why not, Floyd? Felix has a lot of experience with cracking the type of box they use there?”

“Look at his face.”

“Yeah, he’s a big guy and has a big head with stand out features. His hands and feet are huge too.”

“Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, but look at him! His head is square and his face looks like Mister Potato Head parts stuck on a box. I think his mother raised him with his head in a square bottle, like some watermelons I’ve seen.”

“Watermelon? What do watermelons have to do with safes. C’mon, Earl, we need this guy.”

“If the law catches a glimpse of him they’ll be on us like flys on dog doo-doo.”

“Dog doo-doo? Where do you come up with these things?”

“It’s what my mother, god rest her soul, used to say.”

“But, you told me you don’t believe in god.”

“Well, I don’t, but she did and that was another thing she said all the time.”

“I don’t want your mother or watermelons brought up again or I’ll fire your butt. Did she say that too?”

“No, she called it a Fundament. It took me years to figure out what that meant.”

“Floyd, you amaze me sometimes.”

“Thank you, Pete.”

“I’m going to hire Felix.”

“Okay, but don’t blame me if it goes south!”

“Goes south? It isn’t going to go south, Floyd. Keep your head and know this guy is among the best crackers. We just have to get him in and out. He says he’ll have it open in 15 minutes.”

“Okay, but I still don’t like it.”

“Think about 3 million In bearer bonds.”

“Oh yeah, right. This guys the best? Hey, Pete, lets go—“

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