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Rated: E · Chapter · Animal · #2208230
The kid Freddie makes a great decision about his journey to be.
This declaration of mine aroused a whole choir of terrified bleatings.
Mom, Belinda and some other activists of the local “Goats against Adventures” society brought forth ominous ancient ballads about perils of travelling to distant haystacks.
“No kid should walk or run or creep
Towards distant haystacks, oh, no, no”
- chanted they -
“There yawn abysses, huge and deep,
And wander wolves of many a woe!”
“I’ve done some research on those wolves”, I remarked, “and can say with certainty that they are nothing but an urban legend. A hundred years ago some hunter reportedly spotted a wolf in the area and shot at him but with vague results. The hunter’s name is nowhere mentioned, nor are his preferred drinks. Since then, we do not hear about wolves anymore. This allows us to write them off confidently into the domain of cryptozoology, which is no better than just a pseudoscience”.
“Cryptozoology”, squealed Belinda rapturously, “that’s a word! Armed with such terms, our Freddie can scare out of wits any wolves!”
“Let the great god Pan blast me if I do not”, responded I with dignity.
Other goats too were impressed with this and were visibly prepared to hail me as the Great Wolfbane To Come. But suddenly one of them gave a loud bleating and began to nod rhythmically as if recalling something.
“Well?” I inquired politely.
“You see, Freddie...” began she hesitantly. “I have watched a lot of movies about the outside world... all the “ Die Hards” and many others... and my impression is that the outside world is full of villains...”
“Villains?” I exclaimed. “Ah, those guys who make all possible efforts to kill themselves in the presence of Bruce Willis. I think he has some device in his pocket that drives them to such peculiar madness. Probably this device is called “The bad scenario”...
“Maybe, maybe...” my interlocutor nodded. “But, Freddie... in case you meet villains... do YOU have this mighty device? “The bad scenario”?
This made me thoughtful.
“No”, I said slowly. “I do not have such device. But probably I should. It’s very effective. By the way where can one obtain these devices? Bad scenarios?”
“I think you should place an order with Hollywood. This is the place where bad scenarios are mass-produced”.
I understood that my journey is not planned so well as I had thought earlier. I’m armed well, but I can be armed better.
“Well”, I said, “you’re right, goat. I’ll reach out to Hollywood. Let them send to me their mightiest weapon”.

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